I’m tired—but I don’t know what I’d be without the weight. Letting go may feel like a relief. Or it may feel like giving up.
And honestly? I don’t have the energy to find out which.
“I hope I didn’t offend you.” Sanjay pokes his head in, interrupting my mindless rearranging of bowls and utensils.
“I have a hard time changing anything here, but I’m not going to curb your enthusiasm. This place needs a financial boost, so be creative.”
There is a big part of me that is completely sincere. But the vise on my stomach reminds me that I’m probably taking a much-needed leap I’m not ready to take.
“I’m freaking out.” I pace around my living room.
“Calm down. You look great.” Saar’s voice comes from the screen I propped on my coffee table.
“Can you stop for a second, so I can see you?” Celeste says.
I halt in front of the tablet’s camera. I’m wearing a dark green jumpsuit, and for whatever reason, I feel naked in it.
It’s too tight. Too revealing. Too much.
“You’re stunning,” Lily squeals enthusiastically.
“Seriously,” Saar offers. “Your boobs and hips look great. The cleavage is just slutty enough, while the whole look is classy.”
“I agree,” Celeste says. “The green brings out your eyes, and your hair down like this, with that green matching headband, is perfection.”
“You’re ready to dazzle him,” Lily says.
“What are we going to talk about?” I shake my shoulders to shed the nervous energy.
“Weather,” Saar teases.
I snort and sit down, turning the camera toward me. “I’m being ridiculous, am I not?”
“Just a little bit.” Celeste smiles.
“As someone who went through a dry spell myself, I can relate, but don’t let your nerves stop you from having fun,” Lily says, sipping her tea.
Her words should provide comfort, but they do the exact opposite. “Oh my God, hooking up is so mucheasier. You pick a guy at the bar, and you don’t have to go through the awkward dinner and conversation. Do I have to sleep with him tonight? Or is the three-date rule still in effect these days?”
“Jesus, relax finally.” Saar laughs. “You do whatever you want.”
“This is the worst idea ever. If I don’t like him… You guys know him. Corm will hate me.”
Saar snorts. “Corm doesn’t give a flying fuck about most people. Don’t you worry. Just enjoy yourself.”
“And if he’s not a perfect gentleman, we will have Caleb cancel his contract,” Celeste cackles, but something tells me she wouldn’t hesitate.
“You have nothing to worry about. If you don’t click, text me, and I’ll call you with some emergency,” Saar says.
“And if you click, that’s what you groomed your lady parts for.” Lily giggles.
I let out a strained laugh. “Okay, thank you for this emergency call. I don’t even know why I’m so anxious.”
“For one, it’s been a while since you dated, so it’s natural to feel nervous. But what isn’t helping is your thinking about other people’s feelings too much. Like what would Corm say?” Saar folds her arms across her chest. “Fuck that. We set you up to make you happy, not for you to worry about offending us. Be free of that shitfor one night, Cora.”
Freedom.
It seems to be the theme of the month, and yet so unattainable. “Okay, I better go put on some makeup.”
