About the vendors, the customers, the workload. All the while she’s enjoying the drama. I think my sister thrives on playing the victim.
I also think she is the best that could ever have happened to the bistro. I just don’t feel like today should be tainted by her attitude.
But I shouldn’t avoid her. We’ve just started communicating better. The phone stops ringing before I cave in.
I grapple with my guilt for a moment, almost calling her back. Instead, I return outside, send her a quick message that I’ll call her later, and pen a story about a kitten that learned to set boundaries.
The story pours out of me, and I don’t even realize the dusk falls over the hills.
Needing more light and warmth, I bring everything inside. In the kitchen, I re-read the story.
Xander would like this one.
The thought jerks me out of my creative stupor. Goddammit. As much as I try to forget him…
It’s this house. Or maybe it’s the guilt I feel about using him after the funeral.
Maybe I’ll never move on.
With a trembling hand, before my mind gives me a gazillion reasons not to, I pick up my phone and type.
Thank you for letting me stay at your place. I just wanted to let you know I will be moving out on Monday.
I hit send and immediately regret it. I’m not ready to return to the States. I don’t have another rental lined up.
But if I don’t take the step toward a thorough exit from this Xander-infused world, I will never move on.
The three dots dance in front of my eyes, and my heart is ready to evacuate my chest.
Xander
Are you returning to New York?
Goddammit. I don’t want to lie to him, but I don’t want to tell him that… that what? I have no plans?
I don’t want to take advantage of your hospitality.
Okay, that’s an honest answer, at least.
Xander
You’re always welcome to stay for as long as you want.
That is a nice concept, but it doesn’t help heal my heart. Said heart is pounding like a spooked horse right now. From anxiety. And if I’m completely honest, from a bit of excitement.
Talking to Xander after all this time is still thrilling. Even though the conversation itself is just a very awkward dance.
I love it here. Thank you.
My leg is bouncing of its own accord.
It’s a beautiful estate.
Xander
Have you tried the restaurant in the village?
I smile.
