Even the empty corners feel full—like the imprint of his presence lingers in the air.
The way he used to toss his jacket over the back of the chair. The way he grumbled about the size of my shower. The way he read for Pavel, right there on that goddamn couch, like he belonged here.
Like we belonged.
The machine beeps. I reach for my cup, cradling it in both hands like the warmth could make me whole again.
My phone buzzes on the counter.
Tessa. I hesitate, then swipe to answer.
“Morning,” she says, cheerful in a way only someone who’s not walking around in emotional quicksand can be.
“Hey.”
“Just wanted to update you—we met with Gina this morning and finalized the new menu layout. She’s sending the print proofs later this week.”
I blink. “Menu layout?”
“You know… the new menu we discussed? Oh, and the new supplier started delivering yesterday.”
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “That’s great. I’m glad.” It’s more like I’m completely indifferent, but I shouldn’t be, so I fake it.
There’s a pause. A knowing silence. “You okay?”
“Sure.” More faking. “I’ll be there later this afternoon. I have a meeting with my agent.”
“Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to come every day. I have things under control.”
When I hang up, the silence returns with a vengeance.
The bistro is moving on. Just fine. Without me.
It’s a relief.
But also unwelcome. It’s like after Xander, the other constant in my life—the bistro—is gone as well. I’m not there anymore.
Not at the bistro.
Not in Xander’s life.
I stare down at Pitt, now curled on the counter, his eyes blinking up at me like he knows what I’m thinking.
“I made a home for everyone but myself,” I whisper,remembering the Fox story. “Even you, you little brat.”
“These are…” I stare at the illustrations, spread out on the boardroom table in Andrew’s office. “They are exactly what I had in mind. Perfect.”
Working on my book has been the only joy in my life in these painful months. On the surface, life is happening as before, unaffected by the aching crater in my chest.
Tessa is still Tessa. My friends support me more than ever. Pitt and Clooney provide cuddles and give attitude.
I still visit the cemetery, not Ethan’s but Dad’s grave. I still scribble stories. Bills come, bills are paid. Pavel visits me or the cats regularly.
Life seems to flow, but I’m only drifting.
How long can I live like this?
C.O.R.A. grows and spreads goodness in more schools. The work there brings me joy as well, and it has become my refuge, but it reminds me of Xander too much.
