Can’t you do both?the voice in my head asked plaintively.
I didn’t disagree with the voice, but I also had a bad feeling that I was falling for this woman.Whatever I was feeling right now, it was more than just physical attraction.It was ridiculous, I knew, but I could feel emotions coursing through me.I couldn’t name them, not yet, but they were new.When I closed my eyes I could picture us sitting in our backyard watching our children play.I could picture years of birthdays and anniversaries and fighting over the remote.
Then I pictured my father screaming at my mother because she didn’t cook dinner to his exact specifications, and I tamped all those feelings down, way deep inside me where they belonged.Love is an illusion, I reminded myself,a fairy tale told to children, not something for the real world.
“That was something,” Toni finally said, watching me carefully.
I didn’t know if she was talking about the kiss or the play of emotions I was pretty sure she’d seen cross my face.Why did she see so much when other people didn’t?
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”
I moved back to the table, sitting in my chair to keep myself from reaching from her again.I picked up my water bottle and took a huge swig.
“Why?”
“Why am I sorry or why shouldn’t we have done that?”I clarified.
“Both.”
When I just shrugged, Toni sat in the chair across from me again and reached for my hand.For some reason I let her.
“We clearly have good chemistry, so there’s no reason we can’t have some fun while we’re here,” she said.“The International Games are famous for the number of athlete hookups, surely you know that’s why they gave us a long strip of condoms in our welcome bags.”
“We won’t need those,” I said wryly.
“Have you been with a woman before?”she asked.
“Yes, of course, why do you ask?”
“I thought maybe your hesitation was because you, uh…”
“I’m not a virgin,” I said firmly.“I just… well I try to avoid complications.You’re a complication.”
“But a fun one,” she said lightly.“And I lick pussy like a champ.Or so I’ve been told.”
She gave me one of her sunny smiles and I couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of me.This woman was outrageous.
“Look, we’re gonna be here for at least a week, maybe longer if we win.”
“Whenwe win,” I corrected.
“We don’t have to make any decisions.How about if we just get to know each other, be friends?”she suggested.“And if we decide we want to add benefits, well I just want you to know I’m one hundred percent open to that.But if you’re not, if you just want to be platonic friends, I’m good with that too, okay?Life’s too short to stress about stuff.”
For some reason, her words made me feel lighter.
“I don’t know,” I said in a teasing voice.“Being friends will ruin that big rivalry thing we’ve got going on.”
After twenty-four hours together I already felt more comfortable around her than anyone I could remember.It’s like I’d known her forever, which technically I had, but things had changed dramatically since we walked into this room for the first time.
“That kind of hostile rivalry is for the men,” she said.“We can be rivals on the ice.We both take the game seriously, and when we’re on opposites sides, you’re my sworn enemy.I will show you no mercy.But when the skates are off, we can just be Yvonne and Toni, hockey buddies.”
“Hockey buddies?”I asked.“I like that.”
“Okay hockey buddy, how would you feel about watching some tape?I downloaded Finland’s last game in the world championships.They have a lot of the same women on the team, including the same coaching team.How about we eat M&Ms and get some intel?”
“You have M&Ms?”I asked in surprise.
I had a secret sweet tooth, although I rarely indulged it.
