“Did Amy put you up to this?Did she tell you to ruin me?”
My voice pitches sharp, almost breaking.Still, he gives me nothing.He just stands there frozen, watching me unravel while Jessy keeps his grip on my shoulder so I don’t topple.
“It’s not like that,” Alan finally says, his words slow and heavy.“Just calm down first.I’ll explain when the time’s right, when you’re calm enough to hear it.”
My eyes fly open when he takes a step toward me.My hand shoots up, shaking.“No.I can’t take one more word out of your mouth.I’m done.Come on, Jessy.”
I turn on my heel and walk straight out of that cursed office.All I want is distance, to get far away before my head blows apart from the pressure.My neck throbs.My eyes burn like fire.
Maybe I’m being childish, maybe I’m running away, but I can’t stand here one second longer.I’ll explode into a thousand pieces if I stay.My breathing’s ragged.Tears stream down my cheeks and my hands swipe at them again and again.
I reach the second floor and people stare like they’ve never seen me before, eyes wide and pitying, and I hate it.I hate the sympathy that feels like knives in my skin.It makes me look weak and pathetic, and I can’t stand that.
I grab my sunglasses from my bag and shove them on.Maybe they’ll hide even a little of how wrecked I am.Outside, the paparazzi are still circling, ready to eat me alive.
“Fenella, wait.”By the time Jessy and I reach the lobby, Laird catches up, panting, sweat shining on his forehead like he sprinted after me.His hand clamps on my arm.
“Let go,” I snap, yanking against his grip.
“Fen, please, just listen—”
“There’s nothing left to hear, Laird.”I try to pull away but he won’t let me.He pulls me into his chest, his arms crushing around me like he’s terrified I’ll vanish.
“Let me go!”I shove back, fighting his hold, and Jessy lunges in, grabbing Laird’s arm and holding him off me.
“Laird, back off.Give her space.She’s not in her right mind now,” Jessy snaps, straining to push him away.
“Jessy, please,” Laird begs, his voice breaking.“Fenella, you know this is Alan’s trap.You know it.”
“Yes, I know, Laird, we all know.But I can’t—I need air, I need space.So please, just leave me alone,” I plead, my voice cracking, and finally he drops his arms though his whole body resists.
I walk straight out of Gene’s office and don’t look back.I don’t want to see Laird’s face twisted with sadness and disappointment.That’s the one thing I can’t bear, not now, not from him.
* * *
“Thanks, Jessy.Sorry for always being a pain.”
I stand at my apartment door.Jessy drives me back here, and the whole ride is quiet.He doesn’t say a word, and I don’t either.It’s been such a shitty day.
“It’s fine.You sure you’ll be okay alone?You can crash at my place for a while, or I can stay here for a couple more days.”
I shake my head.Both my hands squeeze his tightly, trying to steal a bit of comfort.“I’ll be fine.I just need some time alone to calm down.And you should go be with your mom.She needs you more.”
During the ride, the hospital called him to sign some consent papers for his mom.I can’t keep leaning on him forever.Mike was right.I’m not the center of the universe.
“My place is always open for you, anytime.You know the password.If you need me, just call, day or night, okay?”
I nod.He pulls me into a tight hug, and I hold him back just as tight.I fight the urge to cry again, because it’ll only make him feel worse, even though I’ve told him a hundred times none of this is his fault.
“Take care, Jessy,” I say as he waves and hurries off.
The door shuts with a beep, signaling that I’m alone now.My steps drag toward the kitchen, and I open the fridge.Inside, there’s a crate of cold beer.I rip the plastic open, grab one, and pop it with a small hiss of satisfaction.
I gulp it down fast, craving the burn.My throat stings, my head throbs.It hurts, but I’d rather deal with that than the mess inside my chest.The can’s empty in under a minute.
I grab another one, flick the tab, but it won’t budge.I try again.And again.What the hell is wrong with this can?I groan, roll my eyes, take a deep breath, and give it another shot.It finally opens, but my fingernail snaps in the process.Great.
Whatever.Who cares if my nail breaks?No one’s gonna see it anyway.I might as well just go to jail.Or hide in a mountain cave like some witch people whisper about.
