“Yeah, he probably would,” she admits. “I keep telling him I want to put up Christmas decorations, but he always reminds me it’sYule, not Christmas. And it starts a few days earlier on the winter solstice and lasts for twelve days. But the first day is the big festive celebration I associate with Christmas. I swear I’m trying, but maybe that’ll be a good start. It’s lucky I was never into Santa Claus and all that kitschy stuff. I’ve always loved having a tree, but beyond that I’ve always preferred subtle decorations.”
“We do celebrate with trees,” I clarify in case she didn’t know.
“Oh yes, Ben told me. We’re getting one tomorrow. I can’t wait!” she says giddily, doing a little dance in her seat.
“Norrell asked if I wanted to celebrate this year. We haven’t had time to talk much about it, but I should remind him later today,” I mention as much to myself as to her.
“Are you celebrating with him? How isthatgoing? I can’t believe he’s still in your house.” Her dubious tone breaks me out of my drifting thoughts.
“It’s better. We’ve come to a sort of… understanding… that he wants to take care of me while I’m struggling. At one point under the haze of pain when I twisted my ankle, I tried to bargain with myself that I was going to be nicer to him just to try to figure out his underlying motives. Like I was some kind of spy.” I can chuckle about it now, but the concern hasn’t fully left me.
Her hand flies to her chest. “Did he find out?”
“Are you saying I’m bad at being a spy?” I joke. “I’m not sure. If he did, he didn’t say anything. My brain was fried like a piece of chicken when he arrived, I swear. I didn’t trust him a lick. I still don’t, if I’m being honest. I worry that these good deeds he’s doing for me are all glitter and no gold. How could I ever fully trust him again after hurting me so much? I’d always wonder if he’s just going to leave me again.”
Her expression turns sympathetic. “Do you even want him to stay?”
“I don’t know. He is still the hottest male I have ever seen. It drives me crazy. Even now when we touch…” I sigh dramatically. “But that’s irrelevant. He finally told me he left me because his clan pressured him. So why wouldn’t that happen again now that he’s their leader? Where do I even fit into that? I just don’t see how it ends well for me. Ashes, there’s too much else to worry about. I may not much time left, anyway.”
Her eyes turn overly bright at my reference to the fae’s spell. “You don’t know that. Darla had another vision, right?”
I offer her a tight smile. “She did, but we don’t know where those artifacts are located or if they will work. I just need to plan ahead for every outcome.” I don’t point out that Darla’s vision of her left out a lot of very important details, just like this one. Anyway, Darla does not deserve any bad feelings. She can’t control what she Sees.
Cara notices my discomfort and nods sympathetically. “Does Norrell seem different this time around? Like he’s grown emotionally?”
My head cocks to the side as I consider her question. “Yes and no. He was so infuriating at times when he lived with me those two years. He’d break plans with me on a whim or be extremely late if a stranger asked anything of him. And they had him pegged as a people pleaser. I swear they flocked to him asking for help. He never turned them down. It was so disrespectful to me. He was a nice, helpful male to everyone but his mate. Everyone said I was so lucky to have him. Well, no, I wasn’t,” I grouse.
Cara’s eyebrows rise high on her forehead. She may not have known the full extent of it.
I take a deep calming breath and continue. “He’s still like that, helpful and giving with his time, but no longer at my expense. He checks in with me and my schedule. He admitted to what he did and sees why it was wrong. Now he’s here for me every day, doing chores around the house, making sure I’m feeling alright. It never occurred to me I would need looking after, not really. Everything is more difficult without my magick, but he recognized that I wasn’t feeling my best even before I did. I just thought I was depressed.” A wry laugh escapes me.
“That sounds like progress,” she observes, trying to sound positive.
“It is. But he has very real obligations to his clan. I won’t ask him to choose. And I’m not going to wait for him, either. I’m notthatfemale… anymore at least. Look what it got me last time,” I argue. My lips press into a grimace as I remember how naïve I was when I asked him to move here, not that he wasn’t eager to do so.
“Did you wait for him before?” She looks appalled.
“No. I wasn’t holding out hope he’d come back, if that’s what you’re asking. I could tell he was done with me. As to whether I’ve had lovers since then? Well, no. I haven’t.”
Cara’s jaw practically hits the floor. My shoulders shake with laughter.
“I had enough heartbreak to last a lifetime. I don’t need another entanglement to go awry, especially after I was elected to town council a few years later. I was asked out plenty. But it just seemed too public and messy to date here as a Mayweather. My mom didn’t know my dad until she came here for an apprenticeship. It’s why I thought meeting Norrell while I was at the academy seemed so perfect. Plus, I wasn’t crazy about any of the males here. And that’s onme, notthem. There are many truly wonderful unmated males here. I just already know them too well.”
She still looks baffled. “You mean no sex infifteen years?”
I cackle at her horrified tone. “Cara, I will let you in on a little secret about magick. I’m sure you know that battery operated sex toys can be quite satisfying in their own way. Well, magickally enchanted sex toys take it to the next level and beyond. Ask Ben about it,” I divulge with a playful wink.
“I think I might have to!” she says dazedly. “Did you know thattailsare a thing?” I hoot with laughter. Her cheeks turn a delightful shade of red as she realizes what she blurted out. “We’ll save that conversation for another day. But it was quite the surprise!”
“Whispered Folk are known for theirspecial equipment,” I joke.
“You’re telling me!” she exclaims. “I understand holding public office and not wanting your love life scrutinized. But from what I’ve heard Clancy dated around a lot. And he’s the mayor!”
“Clancy is cut from a different cloth, though I appreciate how he has no qualms about it. His dating habits were morezealousbefore he took office. Plus, the females mostly flocked to him. He didn’t do much chasing, in that sense. They know what they’re getting into—or not—with him,” I muse.
Her face scrunches a little in concentration. “Maybe if you’re still uncertain about a future with Norrell, then there’s no need to worry right now whether he will go back. Just take it a day at a time. See if your feelings change organically. If it turns out you can’t move past everything he did to you, that’s alright. You will eventually part ways again. But if you start to want more, then cross that bridge when you get there. He may be willing to stay for real this time. But that doesn’t matter until you’re sure,” she counsels.
“Well, how did someone so young grow so sage?” I accuse jokingly.
