I would draw her up in my arms if I could. But I know that is the problem. I say instead, “I understand. I put you in a difficult position.”
Her expression softens slightly. “Yes, that’s part of it, but not all of it. I’m not as upset by your presence here anymore.” That is a huge step forward that I should take care not to jeopardize.
Aurelia grows noticeably quieter as we speak. She abruptly stands, the cat now in her arms. “Earl Grey and I have some important cuddling to do before I get ready. So we are going to head upstairs now.” A blush creeps into Ada’s cheeks as Aurelia flutters her fingers in a little wave before stepping out of the room.
I wait until Aurelia is out of earshot before I respond. “I knew it would be upsetting to see me after everything I did. I am sorry for costing you your peace in your own home. When I heard, especially how it happened, I had to be here. It felt like my presence could turn the tide.”
She eyes me dubiously. An understandable reaction considering our past. “That’s awfully convenient for you. Well, Niven seems to think you’re indispensable now. I’ll take that for the ringing endorsement it is.”
“How about we take a walk along the beach today. It might help clear your head,” I suggest.
She gazes down at Vanny who has settled into his long morning nap. “Alright,” she agrees as if she’s speaking to him. “Let me change and we’ll head out.” She gingerly moves him onto the cushion before standing up. He does not seem to notice.
When she returns to the foyer wearing a different outfit, she pulls her long garnet hair back with a tie. Her white forelocks streak symmetrically across the sides of her head. It has always been a compelling contrast. I let my gaze linger on her thick hair and the delicate lines of her ears and neck now exposed to me. She wears a loose light sweater and linen pants that cut off at the ankle.
She hands me the keys to her Wagoneer, another good sign. It is a short drive to the cleared-off parking area next to the dunes. We walk in step, though wordlessly, as we take the path to the long sandy beach. We used to come here on the occasional morning and beachcomb during those two wonderful years here together. Sometimes we would find fossilized shark teeth, colorful spiraling whelk shells, and sun-bleached sand dollars. Even the occasional live starfish we would try to rescue when it was stranded by the lowering tide. I could jump right back in to that closeness with her, though I do not hold out hope it is the same for her.
Watching the waves crashing toward shore, she quietly comments, “I think Cyrinda, Tallie, and Aurelia are leaving soon. The council is quickly wrapping up. They’re all anxious to get home. You and Niven are welcome to stay as long as you need to.”
“That means a lot to me, thank you,” I respond evenly. It makes me immeasurably happy to receive such an invitation.
“Aurelia may miss the boys as much as they’ll miss her,” she notes with a chuckle.
“I will give them extra love after she goes,” I assure her.
Her eyes scrunch as she smiles unguardedly at me, a sight I haven't seen in fifteen years. “They’ll appreciate a warm lap to cry on,” she jests.
“I spoke with Dean Jurado last night. She says hello,” I mention.
“Esmeralda. She left me a message after …” Ada trails off. “I forgot to call her back. I hope she’s well. I haven’t kept up with her as much as I meant to since the academy days. You’ve stayed in touch with her?”
“Periodically,” I clarify. “Her mentorship was so valuable to me. I did not want to leave that behind completely.”
“Oh.” Ada sounds crestfallen. Walking back through my words, I see why. “I’m sure she was glad for that.”
“Ada, I did not mean…”
She sweeps her hands in front of her, interrupting me. “Sorry, I’m just being sensitive.”
“Do not apologize for how you feel. Call me out when I say something thoughtless,” I try to reassure her.
“We’ll never get anywhere if all I do is call you out,” she disagrees.
“We will, regardless,” I tell her honestly.
She purses her lips. “It isn’t doing me much good to dwell in the past. It brings me more sadness than anything else.”
“You should not let it. You have a life full of meaning and many friends to share it with.”
She smiles wanly, looking down at her bare feet treading over the sand. “In some ways, yes. In others, not really.”
“Ada,” I nearly groan her name. Her eyes fly to me. “I should have never pursued you, knowing what could have happened. What did happen. I was too consumed by you to pull away. It was entirely my fault. I should have protected you from it. Kept you free of me to find and be happy with someone else without all the pain I caused.”
“I don’t know if there would have been someone else. Not really. It’s been a long time, Norrell. I haven’t met him yet if he was out there. I would have been open to it. You didn’t totally break me,” she says joylessly.
“You were it for me. Always. No other female ever interested me. My heart and soul were already claimed. There was no room for anyone else, ever. Not in my heart, not in my bed,” I admit.
“I don’t want you to think I would send you away if you had a life after me,” she challenges. “You took over leadership in your clan. Certainly, that comes with expectations.”
