“Hey, don’t be mean to him.” I throw my hands up in surrender and widen my eyes a bit. “But I know. I didn’t see it coming either.” She also snuggles a little deeper into the bed, “Okay, so you know the party Will and Adrian threw at the beginning of the year?” I nod. “That was the first time we hooked up.”
“Miranda!” At first, I’m a little shocked because she definitely could have said something to me, but the more I think about it, Will was pretty much always around at the beginning ofthe school year. I close my eyes and channel calm. She already admitted that she should've told me. “Sorry–continue.”
“We were playing a drinking game and Liam was my partner. We ended up kissing because of some made up penalty and he’s a surprisingly good kisser. I wasn’t about to hook up with him at my brother’sapartment, so I asked him to walk me home and he did.” She rolls into the pillow and actually yells into the fabric. Then she pulls her face out of the pillow and looks at me. “It was really good. So good that I was the one who suggested we should be friends with bennys the next morning and he told me no!”
My jaw drops. I don’t think Miranda has ever been truly rejected before then. “But then we hooked up again two days later and we’ve basically been together ever since.” I have a lot more questions swirling around in my head. Like how did he ask you to be his girlfriend and what kinds of things do you do together? But she continues with, “Will’s horrible at hiding you by the way. According to Liam, every guy on the hockey team already knows about the two of you. And has known since the beginning.”
“Wait, hang on, you already knew Will and I were together at SixtyForty?” She rolls her eyes and nods. “At the gala?” She nods again. “Bachelor in Paradiseat my apartment?”
“Okay, that I didn’t know about. You were together then?”
“That was a test. You passed. When did you know?”
“There was a night where Liam came over to my place. Apparently Will was freaking out about a girl coming over and made them all clean the apartment. Liam said the girl that came over was you.” She really did know about us from the very beginning, then. I think I know what night she’s talking about, the night we kissed for the first time.
We spend the next several hours catching up on all the things we’ve been missing out on due to the secrets. Since theinitial anger’s worn off, I’m able to admit it's kind of fun piecing together the various overlaps of our relationships.
I’ve missed Miranda so much. I’m happy we’re on the same page once more. That night, Will sneaks into my room again and I’mmuchmore careful about where I leave marks. In the morning, he’s still there, a bold choice considering my dad is still a little pissed off about him sneaking into my room the first time.
JANUARY
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kennedy
I’ve abandoned my timer method for the day, I can’t focus right now, let alone for ninety minutes straight. I know I don’t need to be anxious, but the knot in my chest hasn’t eased up since I woke up this morning. I have about an hour until I can leave work and then I have to go straight to Will’s game.
I’ll have to change in the car in order to make it before face off and I’m stressed. Miranda’s saving my seat for me but I don’t want to miss it. I haven’t been to one of Will’s games as his girlfriend before and I’m nervous.
I can’t sit still with all my nervous energy so I pull up my check list for today and double check that I’ve completed everything. I have. Two hours ago.
I seriously debate sneaking out thirty minutes early, but my rule follower anxiety forces me to stay exactly where I am: in my intern cubicle doing nothing.
I nearly sprint to my car when my work day is done, speeding and cursing traffic the entire drive worried about being late. But when I park, I sit there for several minutes contemplating bailing. I’m so much less worried about seeing my ex than I am about having to walk in there knowing everyone’s seen me naked.
I’ve somehow gotten away with basically not going anywhere with people who might’ve seen my leaked pictures. I know I’ve been to SixtyForty, but that feels different. I wasn’t hanging out with the whole hockey team, I was hanging out at Will’s table with his friends who’re loosely my friends too. Guys who, even though they’ve most likely seen those pictures, are not friends with my ex boyfriend and have never ever brought it up. I know they didn’t go home and jack off to them, then categorize me as a slut in their minds as a way to rationalize their own actions.
I have two missed texts from Will and one from Miranda. The knot in my chest has never been tighter–I don’t even need to open the messages to know what they say: when will you be here? How much longer? Where are you?
I do some grounding. Twice. And wait another ten minutes before I whip off my work shirt and put on a jersey with Will’s number and last name written across the back. I’m mismatched with my work slacks and heels on my bottom half and his jersey on the top, making me feel even more out of place and anxious. Looking good is and always will be my primary defense mechanism.
After another five minutes I know I can’t put it off anymore. I’m pretty sure the game’s already started. I have to go. Will’s my boyfriend and he’s worth it. I know I’ll regret it if I don’t go in there, more than just because it’ll hurt Will’s feelings.
I was right, the game’s already started.Fuck.I find my way to Miranda and take the seat she saved for me. Hoping thatWill didn’t notice me not being here earlier. The rink is warmer than I remember it being, although I’m pretty sure that can be attributed to the dread coursing through my entire body.
Miranda looks like a proper hockey girlfriend. She’s wearing Liam’s jersey over a Bramwood U hoodie. The front of the jersey is tucked into her jeans. She’s wearing white sneakers and a beanie and looks perfect. There are few things that make me feel more confident in myself than a good outfit. Why didn’t I pack an outfit this morning?
“Don’t worry, you haven’t missed much,” Miranda says, eyes on the ice, watching Liam. I glance at the scoreboard: 0-0. Will is currently sitting down, but he’s sweaty, I can tell that from here, so he must’ve already been rotated out.
My guts churn even more when he turns his head and zeros in on the spot where Miranda and I are currently sitting. How many times has he looked over here, feeling disappointed I wasn’t here?
He does a double take, turning away before full body facing me, a huge smile on his face. One of those smiles that makes me nervous and fluttery. I lift my hand and give him a small shy wave. He really dramatically blows me a kiss with his gloved hand and I sink down in my seat a little, anxiety churning. A few girls in the row in front of me turn around, no doubt scoping out who he was blowing a kiss to. A few seconds later the girls in front of me are laughing and logically, I know they’re not, but it feels like they’re laughing at me. Or maybe at Will for dating me.
I push down the paranoia pricking the back of my neck and focus on the fact that Will’s back on the ice and he’s skating like I’ve never seen before. He’s fast. So fast. Immediately jumping into the action, slamming into another player so hard both of them end up on their ass. If this is how he’s been playing every game, I’m not surprised he goes home limping!
He’s rotated out several more times before the first period is over and I start to feel a little less like I have a sign over my head that reads: remember my nudes?
Half way through the second period is when I really start to feel comfortable. Will’s back on the ice, and my eyes can’t leave him. It makes sense to me why he’s already drafted, why his dad is so fixated on his pro career, why he doesn’t want to tell anyone about refusing the draft, because he’s amazing. As he runs down the ice I can see a future where he’s playing in the NHL and successful.
