I quietly slip into leggings, a T-shirt, and running shoes, and slip outside because I am planning to literally run away from my problems.
Walking to the road, I take a deep breath. The fresh air and silence calming the roaring epiphany in my head.
Weston was right.
Well, maybe not about all of it, but at least about me deserving more. I don’t think Josh and I have anything in common besides our love of working. If I am being completely honest with myself, I don’tthink we really even like each other. When I look back on it, I can’t remember the last time Josh gave me a compliment. And while I’ve been here, I rarely felt the need to stay in contact. He’s the person I agreed to marry and I didn’t miss him.
The sun peeks through the tree line, and rays of light shine on my face, offering some nice warmth. I turn my face up to it and take a deep breath. Something about these wooded pines makes me feel more like myself, the one I’ve been suppressing. The girl who was strong but wore her heart on her sleeve. It’s like I forgot having a big heart wasn’t a bad thing. Sure, you might get hurt. But is being this guarded even living? I’m sure there has to be some middle ground. One where I don’t marry a guy who works in finance just because he’s safe.
The hardest part is knowing what to do next is scary. Starting over…again. Starting over as a grown woman who wanted to be married with kids by now. I’ve been down on myself for years, and I think it’s due time for me to stand the fuck back up on my own two feet. Being alone is a hell of a lot better than being with the wrong person.
I think I need some time to be on my own and figure out what I want again. For myself and in a partner.
Without realizing it, I ran a mile down to the Taylors’ cabin, where Weston’s truck is now pulling up. He probably still eats breakfast with them on the weekends. A thud rings through the air as he closes his door and walks to the front. I don’t think he has seen me. I’m mostly covered by trees, and you rarely see anyone on foot. They’re usually in the pastures or on horses or four-wheelers.
My eyes stay trained on him, his every movement. The way he fixes the cowboy hat on his head. The way his arms flex when he does that. He was everything I ever wanted until he wasn’t.
He bends down and pulls a weed out of his mom’s grass and throws it on the gravel, dusts his hands clean of the dirt, and steps inside and out of my view. I stare at that door, wishing I could go inside and be one of them again, but does that mean a part of me wants to be his? That’s a thought I haven’t entertained in almost a decade. I might be able to run from my problems with Josh, but I’m scared of what will happen if I do that with West and me.
Without a shadow of a doubt, I know what I have to do. Admittedly, it’s a little messed up. Waiting to break things off with someone until minutes before they leave so they can’t make the situation worse is a slightly immature way to handle things, but unfortunately, I am currently engaged to a man-child who freaks out at the slightest inconvenience.
“Okay, my bag is packed. I cannot wait to get back to New York,” Josh says, curling his lip as he looks over the place.
Turns out that makes two of us, I too want him back in New York. “Before you go, there is something I think we should discuss.”
His face goes into business mode, and I wonder how I was ever almost married to a corporate robot. I’m not even sure if he’s capable of human emotion anymore. He wasn’t this bad when he first started dating, or maybe he was, and I had the blindfold tied so tight around my eyes I didn’t care to see it. “Okay, what would you like to discuss?” He says discuss as if he’s putting air quotes around it.
I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart before I start. “I’ve come to realize we are two very different people. Being back here has made me realize some things about myself, and I think I need a break from you and me. Some space to think about what I really want.”
“Willow, what are you talking about? We’re engaged.” The tips of his ears turn a vibrant shade of red, and I know I’ve pissed him off.There is no better way to make an insecure man mad than to tell him he isn’t needed anymore.
“I know,” I squeeze my eyes shut, I can’t believe I’m actually doing this, “I'm not sure if that's what I want anymore. I'm sorry, Josh, truly, but this weekend has been eye-opening for me. I don't think we want the same things.”
He scoffs and rolls his eyes, “It’s that cowboy,” he spits out the word as if it’s filthy, “isn’t it? Have you been cheating on me with him?”
My head rears back in shock. “I would never ever cheat on you, and no. It’s not the cowboy. Weston is irrelevant to this decision.” I can’t tell if that last piece is only partially true, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“Fine, call me when you get back to New York. If I find someone else, I don’t want to see you pulling the infidelity card.”
Him threatening to meet someone else puts the nail in the coffin. This man is not my forever. “You are free to do as you wish.”
I grab his bag off the counter and hand it to him, wanting to hurry this along as quickly as possible. He rips it from my hand with a huff.
“Fucking rednecks,” he mutters under his breath, and I genuinely hope the door hits him on the way out.
Once he gets in his car and drives away, I feel one hundred pounds lighter. The relief is palpable. Except for the ring left on my finger. That suddenly weighs a ton. I should take it off. Part of me wants to keep it on; it’ll keep the questions at bay, and it might just serve as the willpower I need to stay away from Weston. He broke my heart once, I can’t let him do it again just because things are a little different this time.
Chapter 13
Weston
The rumble of the old truck coming up the gravel makes me stop what I am doing. Which, if I am being honest, isn’t much. I’ve been reading the same damn invoice for the last thirty minutes. I’m lucky one of the boys isn’t around to see me moping around like this; I would never hear the end of it.
I keep thinking about her and that piece of shit from the city. All weekend, I was plagued with thoughts of what they were doing. Images of them cozied up in the cabin kept playing on repeat in my mind. I was tempted to make up a work emergency just to see her, but stopped myself. I hope our chat at dinner helped her realize that she deserves better. I want to prove to her and me both thatI’mwhat’s better for her.
We’ve spent time together since she’s been here, but it’s never enough. I’m quickly realizing that I'm a lovesick puppy, because I keep finding reasons to talk to her when she’s in this office. It’s like I can’t think straight when she’s around, but she’s all I can think about when she isn’t. It’s been twelve years too long since I’ve seen her. Now that she’s back, I never want her to leave again, and I don’t know what to do about that. Truth is, I can’t do anything because she’s with someone else now. She isn’t my Willow. She’s Josh’s. And I fucking hate myself so much for that.
I laugh to myself, hearing just how sad I sound. Pining after a girl whose heart I broke because I didn’t think this town was enough for her. I didn’t thinkIwas enough for her. The latter is still true, but I’ve learned this town can hold just about anything if you want it. I’m building something brand new here. At eighteen, my dumbass thought the only thing in this town was what was already here, but growing up has taught me to appreciate my roots.
