“God, why does this feel so impossible?” He laughed then as he welled up. “If this is what leaving you is like, I’m never going to do it again.”
And then we hugged, hard, heads tucked against each other’s shoulders, breathing through our noses. We hugged like you do when someone’s died. Itwasa kind of grief, I think: I suddenly couldn’t bear to say good-bye. I tried to draw in for the last time the exact sensations of being close to him—the broad solace of his shoulders, the press of his arms around my rib cage, the sweet scent of his skin.
“Six months,” he whispered as we eventually drew apart, his eyes damp, the words wavering.
“Six months.” It had seemed so straightforward when we first talked about it, like an exam we simply had to prep for and sit. But now the prospect felt overwhelmingly daunting. I was dreading having to miss him, go to sleep alone, love him from a distance of thousands of miles.
After we said good-bye, I drove straight from Heathrow to Jools and Nigel’s new flat in Ealing. Jools let me in, and I crawled into their spare room and stayed there. I’d taken a rare week off from Pebbles & Paper, earmarking it purely for eating pizza and ice cream and watching box sets and wallowing. That had always been my plan—seven days of self-pity, before getting straight back into my writing, and making something exciting happen for myself.
I can’t lie—there’ve been moments when I’ve wondered if I should have been braver, taken a risk and agreed to join Caleb for part of his trip. But then I remind myself this is Caleb’s adventure, not mine. We’ll have plenty of time for making memories of our own when he gets back.
“Fancy coming for a drink?” I ask Ryan now.
“No, I...” He jerks his head, like there’s somewhere he needs to be. “Got plans.”
I nod, then hesitate. “You know... even if this book never sees the light of day, I’ll always be so grateful for how much you’ve all supported me. You and Emma, and the group.”
Ryan bats the sentiment away with his eyes. “We can’t take any of the credit here. You’re a writer, Luce. It’s in your blood.”
I smile bravely, remind myself not to assume that the rejection from Ryan’s agent is terminal.It’s just a bump in the road, I think.What’s meant for you won’t pass you by.
—
Emma’s messaged to say she’s already in the pub, getting in our usual postsession drinks. She left me and Ryan alone earlier, sensing he had bad news to impart. I said I’d catch her up.
But I can’t see her anywhere when I arrive, even though the place is half-empty. The bar smells of beer and bodies and hot chips. As I’m opening WhatsApp to find out where she is, I feel a tap on my shoulder.
“Lucy?”
Turning around, I come face-to-face with Georgia, my old boss from Figaro.
It’s almost two years since I walked out, and though I haven’t thought about Figaro much over the past twelve months or so, in the immediate aftermath it wasallI could think about. Whether I’d overreacted. Whether I’d done the right thing. Whether Georgia would find another planner to take my place, and whether the business would be okay.
Georgia draws a breath, breaks the awkward pause. “Lucy, I just wanted to say... I’m sorry. For everything that happened when youleft. I treated you really badly. I know how much I took you for granted.”
She seems almost as surprised to be admitting this as I am to hear it, but her green eyes are wide and sincere. She looks slightly less groomed than she used to, casual in jeans and a gray cable-knit sweater, and trainers instead of the vertiginous heels she always wore to the office. She’s pulled her dark hair into a messy ponytail, her whole demeanor far more chilled than I remember. “I still feelterribleabout it,” she continues. “I should have messaged you afterward, or e-mailed, but... I convinced myself I’d bump into you at some point, so I could say it to your face, and now... here we are.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s... I shouldn’t have just walked out the way I did. It was selfish, leaving you in the lurch like that.”
“Ideservedto be left in the lurch. I treated you horribly. No wonder you felt like I’d betrayed our friendship—because I had.”
We pause for a few moments, eyeing each other reflectively.
“So... how’s everything going?” I ask, cautiously.
“Well, that’s sort of what I wanted to say, as well. I sold the business about nine months ago, and honestly... it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m actually retraining to be a teacher.”
Without even really intending to, I step forward and hug her. “Georgia, that’s amazing. Congratulations.”
“And I met my boyfriend Adam on the course too, so...” Her eyes are bright—brighter than I ever remember them being while she was mired in the day-to-day stresses of running her own business. “What I’m saying is, none of this would have happened if you hadn’t walked out that day, Lucy. I’m convinced of it. After you left, I couldn’t stop going over everything you’d said, and it really got me thinking about making a change. I needed a shock to wake me up. Ineededsomeone to call me a selfish cow.”
I feel myself color slightly. “Yeah, sorry about that.”
“No!” She grasps both my hands between hers. “Do not apologize. You had every right to do that. I had it coming to me. Really.”
I let my face soften into a smile. “So, what will you teach, when you qualify?”
“Hopefully A-level business studies.”
