Esther hugs me again, then lopes off to locate Gavin.
•••
Later, I find Joel chatting to Gavin and Esther in the basement kitchen. It’s a relief to see that they don’t appear to be holding against him the way we started, with all the confusion over Melissa. Or that, at the very least, they’ve agreed to wait until tomorrow before ribbing me about it over WhatsApp.
“Hey.” I loop my arms around Joel. He’s shed his jumper somewhere, is warm and soft-skinned in just a T-shirt. His fragrance is familiar already, like the scent of returning blossom. “I lost you.”
“Hey. I lost you, I think.”
“You hang up. No,youhang up,” Esther says. She’s on the red wine now, her lips vermilion.
I smile. “What are you guys talking about?”
“Ben,” Esther says. “He’s on about quitting his job and selling the house, moving away maybe.”
“Really?” I’ve not spoken to Ben much tonight, but he did seem quite tipsy when I saw him in the queue for the downstairs loo.
“We’re trying to decide if we should talk him out of it,” Gavin says.
“No, why?”
Esther bites a fingernail. “Well, in case he’s being rash.”
I curl my arm more tightly around the warm column of Joel’s torso. “But Grace has been gone nearly two years now,” I say quietly.
We all take a moment.
“I mean, it’s great, isn’t it,” I continue, “if Ben’s finally feeling hopeful? He’s not said anything optimistic like that since she died.”
“So long as he’s moving on, as opposed to running away,” Esther says sagely, as, somewhere nearby, a glass smashes.
Gavin sticks his head out of the kitchen doorway to have a look. “That’s Ben. Oh, Christ, he’s retching.”
“Honestly, houseguests,” Esther says, winking as she swigs back the last of her wine. Then she and Gavin exit the room, leaving Joel and me alone.
Outside, the patio forms a black axis across the basement windowpane. The night air is cloudy, milky with mist.
“Think he’ll be okay?” Joel asks me.
“Oh, definitely. Esther’s excellent in a crisis.” I frown. “I just hope...”
He waits.
“... that Ben’s not worrying about the café. I don’t mean me leaving so much as... things changing. Moving on.”
Joel looks thoughtful. “But maybe in the long run, it’ll turn out okay if they do. If he’s already talking about making a fresh start...”
I try to smile. “Yeah. I’ll talk to him, I guess. Once he’s recovered from tonight.”
Joel lets his eyes travel the room. “This is a really great place.”
“I know.” I draw my fingers along the notches and grooves in the old oak worktops. “It’s so cozy and traditional.”
He nods. “Like a proper family home.”
“They were trying for a baby,” I say suddenly, without really knowing why. “Esther and Gavin.”
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean—”
