“Come on, Joel.”
I remember what Callie said to me on Boxing Day nearly two years ago. About my visions being a gift. And her words as she was leaving the restaurant.
Just... trust people to love you, Joel.
I glance at my sister. She looks pretty no-nonsense today (hair pulled back, khaki dress, kick-ass boots), but old habits die hard. Years of keeping the words in, burying my secrets.
“I’m going to tell you something now,” she says.
I swallow, uneasy.Isn’t that my line?“Okay.”
“Remember when I was here last year, and I told you I was pregnant? Just before I left, I went to use the loo.”
I raise my eyebrows at Harry again. Say nothing.
“Well, when I came out you guys were in the hallway, and I heard Callie saying to you,A brother for Amber. And Harry’s just perfect.”
I stare at the blue-eyed culprit in front of me.Come on, Harry. Now’s your moment. Scream, fill your nappy. Projectile vomit if you have to. Anything.
“Anyway, I was really confused. I’d always known if I had a boy I’d want to call him Harry, but I’d never told you that.” Her gaze glides over me. “So I started to think, and add things up—your supposed paranoia, your anxiety all these years. You knowing Harry’s name and gender before I did. The tube. Your skittishness, how you were after Mum died.”
“Okay,” I say, rubbing Harry’s chubby arms with my hands. He almost looks as if he’s smiling now, the cheeky little beggar. Clearly he has zero intention of helping his favorite uncle out. “Okay.”
“I know I always tease you for being a bit...”
“I know.”
“... but you can trust me, Joel. You can tell me anything.”
I meet her eye for just a second. A few months ago, Dad and I told Tamsin and Doug about Warren. It ran a razor blade through my soul, to watch my sister cry the way she did that day. This has been one of the hardest and weirdest times of my life, filled with arguments, accusations, questions. And now here I am, about to put her love to the test all over again.
But, ultimately, I know Tamsin’s world is one of optimism. Of straight, sunlit paths; of long, sweeping bends. She refuses to believe in cliff edges and dead ends, darkened corners. She thinks anything is surmountable, and for her so far it has been. If ever I needed proof of that, it was telling her we were only half-related. Because in the end she accepted the whole thing fully and generously, let absolutely nothing between us change.
So I take a breath and then a leap. Hold my nephew close. Keep talking. “I see... what’s going to happen, Tam. To the people I love. In my dreams. I see the future play out, hours, days, weeks in advance.”
Harry gurgles skeptically, which is fair enough. But Tamsin’s sitting very still. She puts a hand to her mouth, eyes bright with tears.
“Please believe me,” I whisper. I didn’t realize until now how much I need her to.
“I knew it,” she says slowly. “All this time... I mean, Iknewit, Joel.”
“How?” My voice barely grazes the air.
Her mouth gapes. She shrugs wildly, like I’ve asked her to explain why we need oxygen. “You’re never surprised. By anything. You’ve always got a subtle warning here, a casual suggestion there. You always seem to know... when we’ve had an argument or something’s happened. And last week, when Dad...”
“Yes,” I say quietly. Having dreamed about his particularly violent stomach bug (lucky me), I asked him, without thinking, over Sunday lunch how he was. Forgot he’d not actually told any of us. I brushed it off quickly, insisted he had. But I felt Tamsin watching me.
“It’s all been adding up, over the years, and then with Harry, and the tube...”
Harry makes a starfish with his hand, reaches for my nose. I dip my head, let his fingers touch my face.
“Is it medical?”
“Inherited,” I confess. “I got it from Warren.”
Tamsin swears on the exhale. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me, Joel? It’sme, for God’s sake. You could have trusted me.” I have a sense that if I weren’t holding her son, she might choose this moment to chuck something at my head.
“It’s hardly standard information, Tam. And I didn’t want to risk my relationship with you. I couldn’t have dealt with that, especially after Mum. Me and you... we were always so close.”
