What am I even doing?
Stressing myself out was stupid as much as it was pathetic. Caring about one man’s opinion and perception of me was pitiful. Not to mention unattractive as hell.
Leaning into my own delusions and allowing myself to believe any of this was more than simply a convenient lay was beyond kidding myself.
Who was I to pretend differently when the facts were staring me straight in the face?
This man who was out here saving lives while I should be at home recovering so I could, eventually, return back to work and do the same. Not staring at my phone like some lovesick teenager hoping their crush replied.
I was twenty-four goddamn years old. I had a career and a fucking pension. I had two other mouths to feed.
Why was I bothering to get myself twisted over some man I’d fuckedonce?
My stomach twisted the second my phone went off again. Lifting it slowly, I opened up the incoming message.
Do you not have the ability to go in from the backend and search the hospital’s database?came his reply.
I talked such a big game in my head for someone experiencing the embarrassing affects of butterflies in their stomach.I’m not a hacker, Silas. I don’t have some fancy code to get me into your scheduling program just because I have a badge and a gun.
How disappointing.
Oh my fucking god, this man. He was honest to god encouraging me.
What on Earth was wrong with him?
Hello? Work schedule, please.
Why does it matter? You have something to do afterward that I’m not aware of?
I forced myself to set my phone down again, feeling my cheeks pinch from how hard I was grinning.
What an interesting thing to say. He’d dressed up that last part so casually and yet, I couldfeelthe possessiveness dripping from his words, much like how that hand of his had gripped my thigh while we’d eaten in his kitchen. A silent ‘you better not’attached at the end that was no doubt making him grip his phone in a tighter hold while he stared at the screen, waiting for my reply.
Picturing it now was easy. A severe line cutting through the middle of his brows while he furrowed them, a small frown tugged at his mouth, conveniently covered by his facemask, his latex gloves thinning around his knuckles while he flexed them around his phone.
Taking the opportunity to tease him, provoking him enough to get some sort of reaction to see where we both were, was too tempting not to give in to. I’d built so much up in my head and now that some things were locking into place, somehow working out in my delusional favor, I had to keep going.
Maybe before.I replied.I’m quite popular.
Instantly, my phone lit up with a call.
Pulling in a deep breath, I tapped on the screen and put it up to my ear. “Hello?”
“With what,” he demanded, the sounds of beeping machines in the background quickly being cut off.
“Does it matter?” I countered.
There was dead silence on the other end of the line that rungveryloudly.
Perhaps, I wasn’t the only one testing boundaries, sticking my feet in the proverbial dark waters where it was hard to see the edge of the drop off and seeing how far out I could wander. Being more covert about it in my case had its advantages, but I could appreciate Silas’s poignant approach.
A no nonsense, full-stop type of demand that needed little words to get across what he was asking in order to demand an answer. Like me, he wanted the confirmation that this was exclusive. At least, from the context I was gathering from this sudden phone call after the implication I’d thrown out there about fucking around with someone else.
What other reason would he have for calling me?
Casualness didn’t exactly warrant care. Especially, if we were already using protection.
What did he care if I was seeing someone else unless hewantedit to be that way?
