“It’s complicated. And I can’t tell you.”
“What the fuck kind of restaurant makes you sign an NDA? It’s not normal.”
“No, it’s not, and that’s exactly why I can’t act on my feelings for him. We’re from very different worlds. I can’t be what he wants me to be.”
“And what is that?”
I retrieve my phone and start busying myself tidying my room. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“If you won’t tell me, then he will.”
“Don’t get involved. I’ll handle it.”
“You’re going to tell him that you’re in love with him?”
“I’m not. I’m in love with theideaof who I thought he was. There’s a difference.”
“Tell yourself whatever you need to, but if you are so intent on staying away from this man, why did you ask him to come back? He gave you space, and you couldn’t handle it.”
“Because I want to learn from him! Sex has nothing to do with it.”
“You’re lying to yourself! He walked away for you, and you invited him back in. Whatever is going on with you two is far from over. Just admit it. You want him. And you can’t stand that you want him. Say it!”
“Fuck you, Jude. You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Fuck me?Fuck you! This code of silence bullshit is eating you up. I’m just trying to be a good friend, and you’re shutting me out. You’re right, this guy isn’t good for you, not because of anything he’s done, but because you’ve become a colossal bitch since you broke it off with him.”
“And you’re so perfect! If you knew what he really wanted from me, you’d be first in line to kick him in the nuts.”
“But you won’ttalkto me!”
“Because I can’t. He could sue me if I say anything.”
“Stop with the dramatics, Aspen. Either tell him you have feelings for him or walk away. What you’re doing is cruel, and for the record, his feelings are valid. Would you want him spending time with women for money?”
“That’s beside the point. I didn’t lie to him.”
“You didn’t tell him either. Take some fucking responsibility.”
“I don’t need to justify myself to you, him, or anyone else.”
“Fine.”
“Fine!” I grab my purse and keys and storm out of my room with no thought of where I’m going.
Jude and I never fight.
As I wander aimlessly around the streets of Manhattan, I find myself outside of Venom, and a chill runs down my spine. Am I here because I think Ryder is here? If that’s the case, he’s probably fucking a woman who can give him everything he needs, and I have no right to feel the clawing, primal jealousy ripping through my chest in this moment.
I rummage in my purse for my employee ID and head inside. I’m going to hate myself in the morning for putting myself through the agony of seeing Ryder with someone else, but maybe it will help me move on.
He’s the one who wanted closure the last time we were together, but the way he makes every nerve ending in my body sing calls to me. I want him more than my next breath, and yet I hate him for making me feel like a whore.
“Good evening, Ms. Struthers. I wasn’t expecting you tonight. Can’t stay away?”
“Something like that.” I’m conspicuous in a pair of faded blue jeans and a plain white T-shirt. If I had known I’d end up here, I’d have dressed appropriately. The thought has me about to turn on my heel when the doors open, but I came here for a reason. Somewhere inside me, I need to know. I have to see it with my own eyes.
With trepidation in every pounding beat of my heart, I step inside and hold my breath as it whisks me to the opulent foyer of Venom.
