When they disappear down the private hall, I drop my head in my hands. “I’m an idiot.”
Dalton gives me a reassuring slap on the shoulder. “We’ve all done it. Flex and Helena have very different ways of dealing with trauma. He has been joking since he woke up from his coma. Helena is obviously not ready to talk about it, which I think would be true of most people. Flex is a rare breed.”
“I’m going to go and get a drink at the bar.” I excuse myself and head over to Eli.
“Hey, Ry. What can I get you?”
“Scotch neat.”
“You okay?” Eli is everyone’s sounding board. I don’t even want to think about how many secrets that man holds tightly to his chest.
“I just put my foot in it with Helena. I made a totally insensitive joke.”
“I’m sure Flex is making her forget all about it. Don’t beat yourself up.”
“Thanks, Eli. I’ll be fine when my sub takesmymind off it.”
He gives me a knowing grin. “Is everyone’s membership here tantamount to the best therapy sessions ever?”
“In a nutshell. Bad day at work, fuck my submissive. Celebrating anything… the opening of an envelope, fuck my submissive. Make an ass of myself with my closest friends…”
“Fuck your submissive.”
“You’re a quick study.” He sets my drink on the bar, and I down it in one gulp before nodding for another.
“How long have you been with your sub?”
“A year.”
He considers me, his brow etched as he poses his next question. “Do you love her?”
“It could be something long-term. I think there is a possibility in the future. I do love her, just not in a big showy way like Flex or Dalton. Things are good between us, and our kinks are a perfect match.”
“Sorry for asking so many questions.”
“You’re very interested for someone so vanilla.”
“I’m not totally vanilla. You make it sound like I’d be the most boring lay on the planet.”
“You would be for me. You don’t have breasts or a vagina.”
His laugh seems a little too forced, but I let it slide. “Fair enough.”
“Ask away. It’ll take my mind off my lack of sensitivity.”
“How did you find the lifestyle? What happened that you realized you were a Dom?”
“A smoking hot professor who was a submissive cougar. Fucking hell, she taught me some tricks.”
“How did you know you weren’t a submissive?”
“It’s a deep-seated part of your personality. There are some people we would call a ‘switch,’ but those are pretty rare.”
“A switch?”
“They could be a Dom or a sub, depending on the situation. Think of it as your preference for men or women as sexual partners. It is akin to liking both. Who you fall in love with can determine what role you take.”
“Oh.” He’s entirely too interested in kink to be vanilla.
