"It wasn't fear." I gather my courage. "Not just fear, anyway."
I've never been this forward with a man before, never felt this desperate need clawing at me from the inside. Is it just the trauma of the night, my body seeking comfort in the most primal way? Or is it something specific to this man, with his gentle hands and deadly skills, his protection and quiet strength?
"Holly," he says, my name a warning on his lips. "You've been through a lot tonight. You're not thinking clearly."
"I know what I'm feeling," I insist, though part of me wonders if he's right. "When you held me against you, when your body covered mine, I felt... safe, yes, but also something else. Something I've never felt before."
He runs a hand through his damp hair. "You don't know what you're asking for."
"I'm not asking for anything," I say, though we both know that's a lie. "I'm just being honest about how I feel."
Steel stands abruptly, pacing to the window and back, his powerful body coiled with tension. "You don't know me," he says, not meeting my eyes. "You don't know what I've done, what I'm capable of."
"I know you saved me. I know you're different from the others."
He laughs, a harsh sound with no humor in it. "Different? I've hurt people, Holly. Badly. I might not enjoy it like some of the others, but I've done it because the club needed it done."
His confession should frighten me. Instead, it only makes the ache between my thighs more insistent. What is wrong with me? Am I really so desperate, so broken, that his admission of violence turns me on?
"We all do what we have to do to survive," I reply. "I've been taking care of my brother for years, watching him destroy himself with gambling, and still cleaning up his messes. I've worked double shifts until my feet bled to pay his debts. I've lied to debt collectors, to our landlord, to myself about whether things would ever get better."
"You deserve better than that," he says. "Better than him. Better than me."
I stand, closing the distance between us until we're just inches apart.
"What if I don't want better?" I whisper. "What if I just want this? Tonight? With you?"
His jaw tightens, a muscle jumping in his cheek. "You don't know what you're saying."
"I'm not a child, Jacob." It's the first time I've used his real name again since he arrived at my door, and I see the impact it has onhim. The slight widening of his eyes, the catch in his breath. "I'm twenty-one. I know my own mind."
"And I'm thirty," he counters. "I've seen what happens when club life collides with innocence. It doesn't end well."
Innocence. There it is. He sees me as some pure, untouched thing to be protected. And he's not entirely wrong.
"I'm a virgin," I blurt out, immediately wanting to die of embarrassment. His eyes widen further, and I rush to continue before I lose my nerve. "But that doesn't mean I don't know what I want. It just means I've never had the chance to... to explore those wants."
Steel closes his eyes briefly, as if in pain. When he opens them again, the lust in his gaze nearly buckles my knees.
"Do you have any idea what you're doing to me right now?" he asks, his voice a low growl that sends shivers down my spine. "Telling me you're a virgin while standing there in nothing but a t-shirt, looking at me like you want me to devour you?"
The crude words from his mouth make my pussy clench with desire. Yes, that's exactly what I want. To be devoured by this man, to feel his mouth and hands on every inch of my body.
"I'm not trying to torture you," I say honestly. "I've just never felt like this before, and after tonight, after nearly dying, I don't want to pretend I don't feel it."
He reaches out slowly, giving me time to back away. When I don't, his hand cups my cheek, his thumb brushing gently across my lower lip. The simple touch makes me gasp, my body responding with embarrassing eagerness.
"You have no idea how badly I want to fuck you right now," he says, the crude word sending another jolt of desire through me. "How many times I've thought about it just in the past few hours.But your first time shouldn't be like this. With a man you barely know, in a strange place, after the worst night of your life."
"Maybe that's exactly how it should be," I counter, leaning into his touch. "With someone who makes me feel safe in the middle of chaos. Someone who saw me at my worst and still looked at me like you're looking at me now."
His thumb presses harder against my lip, and on impulse, I open my mouth and take it inside, sucking gently. A groan tears from his throat, raw and primal, and his control visibly slips.
"Fuck, Holly," he rasps. "You don't play fair."
"I'm not playing," I whisper around his thumb. "I'm deadly serious."
Something breaks in him then. His hand slides from my face to the back of my neck, pulling me against him as his mouth crashes down on mine. The kiss is hungry, demanding, consuming. His tongue pushes past my lips, claiming my mouth and making me whimper.
