She hesitates. "Are you sure? I feel bad kicking you out of your room."
"I'm sure. Like I said, I sleep down here half the time anyway." Usually when the nightmares are bad and I don't want to go back to bed.
She stands, stretching slightly. "Thank you. For all of this. I know we showed up out of nowhere and turned your life upside down."
That's putting it mildly. Twenty-four hours ago, I was a free man with only myself to worry about. Now I'm a father with responsibilities I never prepared for.
"It's okay," I say, not sure if I'm trying to convince her or myself. "We'll figure it out."
She looks at me for a long moment, something unreadable in her expression. "Good night, Dean."
"Good night." I watch her climb the stairs, feeling like I should say something more but not knowing what.
When she's gone, I slump onto the couch, the weight of the day finally crushing down on me. I pull out my phone and see three messages from King.
*You OK?*
*Call if you need anything.*
*Club meeting tomorrow at 3. Be there if you can.*
I text back: *All good. Will be there.*
Then I grab a beer from the fridge. Just one, and drink it slowly in the darkness of my living room, trying to process how completely my life has changed in a single day.
Upstairs, my son sleeps in a portable crib. My son. The words still don't feel real.
I think about the picture book I read him, about finding your way home. Maybe that's what's happening here, in some cosmic sense I don't fully understand. Maybe Max was always meant to find his way to me, even if I didn't know I was waiting for him.
Or maybe it's simpler than that. Maybe Sidney just ran out of options and I was the last resort.
Either way, I'm a father now. And somehow, I need to figure out how to be a good one.
I finish my beer and stretch out on the couch, not bothering to change clothes. Sleep seems unlikely, but I close my eyes anyway, letting the day's events wash over me like waves.
Just as I'm drifting off, I hear a soft cry from upstairs. Max. Before I can fully register what I'm doing, I'm on my feet and heading toward the stairs. But the crying stops almost immediately, replaced by Sidney's gentle murmurs.
I pause, one foot on the bottom stair. This isn't my territory yet. I don't know the routines, the right words, the magic touches that soothe midnight fears. So, I return to the couch, but sleep eludes me for a long time as I listen to the occasional creak of floorboards above.
Tomorrow, I'll talk to King. Figure out how to balance club responsibilities with... this new reality. Tomorrow, I'll start learning how to be a father to the little boy sleeping upstairs.
Tomorrow. For now, I stare at the ceiling and wonder how I went from being nobody's nothing to being somebody's dad in the space of a single day.
Chapter 4 - Sidney
Morning light filters through unfamiliar curtains, and for a moment, I forget where I am.
The bed beneath me is soft, too soft after nights in the cramped back seat of my Honda. My hand reaches under the pillow, fingers curling around the handle of my small pocketknife. The reassuring weight of it grounds me as reality comes rushing back.
Dean's house. Blackwater Falls. The motorcycle club.
I sit up slowly, my back protesting but nowhere near as painfully as yesterday. A real mattress makes a world of difference. Max is still asleep in his portable crib, one arm thrown over his head in that carefree way only children can manage.
His cheeks are flushed, and I notice the slight swelling along his jaw. The toothache that's been plaguing him for nearly two weeks now.
A proper mother would have taken him to a dentist immediately. A proper mother wouldn't have let it get this bad. But proper mothers don't lose their jobs and apartments. Proper mothers can afford basic healthcare for their children.
I have exactly forty-three dollars and seventeen cents to my name—scrounged and saved from returning bottles and selling my last pieces of jewelry. Not enough for a dental visit, but I'd been hoping to at least buy children's pain reliever. The bottle we had ran out three days ago.
