She frowned, thinking. "Vaguely. I was exhausted."
He nodded, eyes on the road. "He was holding you. You were completely out, and I was just lying there, watching you both. I felt so... jealous."
Rune blinked, startled. "Jealous?"
"Yeah." His jaw bunched as if he were ashamed, his tone a gruff whisper. "I always had to keep one eye open growing up. That kind of trust…I couldn’t afford it.”
“My father could have an episode for no particular reason, and sometimes he'd just snap. I never felt safe in that house. And there you were, asleep in your granddad's arms like it was the most natural thing in the world because you knew you were safe. I just remember thinking... I never had that. Nothing even close."
Rune turned toward him, her heart aching for the boy he was. He kept his gaze on the road, a muscle ticking in his jaw. They drove in silence for a while, the steady rhythm of the road hypnotic. Rune watched his profile, the strong line of his nose, the shadow of stubble on his jaw, and felt a deep, quiet sadness for the boy who had to grow up too quickly. Impulsively, she pulled him towards her for a quick hug as his eyes widened with surprise.
Her childhood had been simple. They hadn't much money, but there had always been laughter, warmth, and love. She'd never had to question whether she was safe. Looking at Dorian now, she realized he'd been living without that for most of his life. Maybe, she thought, it was time he would have some of it. She reached out, laying her hand lightly over his. "I'm sorry you didn't have that," she said softly. He didn't answer right away. Just flipped his hand over so their fingers could twine together, his thumb brushing over hers once.
After a moment, she asked quietly, "Why were you so hard on Aria?"
He sighed, a deep exhale that carried years of guilt. "Crispin," he said. "He's one of the only people I've ever trusted. Loved, even. He's like a brother to me. And when he started looking at Aria a certain way, I felt like I had to protect him. I thought I was doing the right thing."
Rune was silent, watching him.
"I messed it up completely," he continued. " I hurt her. I hurt him. I was arrogant. Thought I knew what was best for him. I should have trusted him to know his own mind. I've been trying to rebuild that trust ever since."
"Have you?" she asked gently.
"I'm trying," he said, glancing at her with a small, tired smile. "It's been a steep learning curve. For everything, really."
Rune smiled faintly, her hand still in his. "You're a fast learner."
"When I have motive and an end goal," he said.
She shook her head, looking out the window, but she was smiling too. They had driven a few miles in comfortable silence before Rune spoke again, her voice soft but pointed. "Dorian," she said, "when you were hard on Aria... was it because she was poor?"
He didn't answer at first. His hands tightened fractionally on the wheel. "Partly," he admitted finally. "I'd like to say it wasn't, but it was. She came from a rough background, and I judged her for it. I thought she'd drag Crispin down. I thought she'd hurt him."
Rune turned toward the window, watching the fields blur past. "Did you feel the same about me?"
He shook his head immediately. "No. Not once."
"Really?"
"I was only protecting myself, Rune. I never thought you were a gold digger." His tone softened. "That wasn't you. It was never about money with you."
Her expression gentled. "You just thought I'd hurtyou."
He smiled faintly. "Something like that."
The air settled between them again, full of old truths finally being aired. Then, more quietly, he added, "I've been looking for Aria's brother."
Rune blinked. "What?"
"As a birthday gift," he said. "I thought maybe if I could find him, it might help her-help us-make peace. I was an arse to her, Rune. She didn't deserve how I treated her. It's the least I can do."
There was something in his voice that made her chest ache. Not guilt-remorse. The difference mattered.
"That's... thoughtful," she said softly.
"More like overdue," he muttered. Then, after a pause, "I need to go to London for a few days anyway. Crispin's parents are stirring up trouble again. And Ophelia is not well."
Rune tilted her head. "What kind of trouble?"
