"The steps are slippery," he said tightly.
"Then let me fall."
"Not a chance." He didn't let go until he'd unlocked the door.
Inside, she tried to brush past him, but he moved in front of her, blocking the way to the stairs.
"Move," she said in a tightly controlled hiss.
"No."
Her chest rose and fell sharply. "I'm not doing this right now."
"Well, I am," he snapped. "This is it, Rune. We're having this out now."
She froze. His voice was rough, frayed at the edges.
"What do you want?" he demanded. "Tell me. I'll do anything. You have been driving me crazy. If you want sex-use me. If you want money-take mine. I'll be the best father I can be; I swear it. Just tell me what I need to do, because I can't take this anymore."
Rune's breath hitched. "You want to know what I want?"
"Yes!"
"I want to go back in time and never have met you," she said, each word seemed to be wrenched from the bottom of her heart. “I just want to meet a nice man who loves me and takes care of me. We'd get married, have two kids, a normal life. I wouldn't spend six years of my life hopelessly in love with someone without a heart. I wouldn't fool myself into thinking you would feel a fraction of what I feel for you."
She was screaming by the end.
Dorian's eyes were dark with sorrow. "Rune..." His voice was rough. "I'm never going to be a nice man."
He took a step closer. "Love? I don't even know what that is. But you're the first person I think of in the morning and the last before Ifall asleep. And in between, I dream of you. I remember stupid things like the smell of your hair, the way your skin feels under my hands. I know when you're close. And when you're not... it's like I'm missing something vital. Have I disappointed you? Yes... but as much as I want to go back in time and set it right, I can never regret having met you... or the time I've had with you. If I can't be with you, I don't want to be with anybody else. You are it for me. Noone else will do."
She looked at him, eyes shining with unshed tears.
He ran a hand through his hair, voice shaking. "I don't think I can ever be normal. This..." he gestured helplessly between them "...this is as normal as it gets for me. I want to see you happy…because it makes me feel everything is right in my world. But you need to decide, Rune. Can you put up with me... or do you want me gone? Because I can't read your mind, and I need you to tell me."
There was only sound of rain, whispering against the windows, as Rune stood trembling - somewhere between fury, heartbreak, and the impossible ache of realizing that she still loved him.
Chapter thirty-five
Chapter 35
For a long moment, Rune didn't speak. Her heart was pounding like a drum, echoing in her ears. Dorian stood waiting for her to say something-tense, uncertain, and vulnerable in a way she'd never seen him before.
They faced each other like gladiators in an arena. Rune needed to decide. However much she resented him... however much she hated how he'd treated her and how late his epiphany had come, the thought of him moving on with someone else made something primal twist inside her. If he was a little mad, maybe she was too. They were both wrong in the head—him for being the way he was, and her for loving him in spite of it. Because love him, she did. Still.
She finally admitted it to herself, that he had learned his lesson. That he would treasure what they had. He would put her first. And God help her, she wanted him. He'd started to fidget, his gaze flicking to her as if bracing for rejection.
"No more ornamental women," she said suddenly. "If you're with me, it's only me."
His eyes met hers, fierce and steady. "There haven't been any others, not since I met you. I was never even tempted. It was all a smokescreen. All I ever want is you."
"Then why?" she whispered. "Why hide me like a dirty secret?"
He swallowed. "Because I was selfishly protecting myself. Staying in control is important to me. But if that's what cost me you then I don't want it."
She nodded slowly. "You're either all in or not at all. That means with the kids, too."
His answer was immediate. "All in."
