“Are you seeing anyone right now?”he whispers.
I shake my head and his face softens in the dim light.
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for eight years,” he whispers, leaning in to cup my jaw.
He’s so close.His lips aresoclose.I smell his cologne, mixed with faint notes of toothpaste and the beer he had earlier.
“So what do you think?”Seth asks, his thumb stroking my cheek.
“About what?”My voice is strangled, raspy.
“About me kissing you.”
I finally manage to swallow.I want this so,somuch, but I feel I’m not allowed to.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, Billie?”
“I ...I don’t know.”
“Tell me the truth.Do you want to kiss me?Have you ever thought about kissing me?”
“Of course I have!So many times.But it made me feel so guilty...”
“Do you still feel guilty?”
I nod, unable to meet his eyes.“It’s like a reflex.”
His thumb moves to stroke my lower lip.“Billie,” he says very softly.“You are free now.You can do anything you want.That guy ...I know he was a big part of your life but he’s not anymore, baby.You are free.”
He cants his hips so his pelvis touches mine, and I feel his hard cock against my lower belly.As he lightly pushes into me, arousal surges between my thighs.I want him so badly.I want all of this so fucking badly.
Fuck Doug.Fuck the guilt.
I grab Seth’s head, pull it down to mine, and I kiss him hard.His lips part over mine, my tongue seeking the warmth of his mouth.He lets out a guttural sound, a pained groan from somewhere deep in his chest, then grabs me by the ass and presses me into his groin, his teeth and tongue relentless on my face.
“Oh God, Seth—”
“This is even better than I imagined,” he breathes.“You taste so good.You sound so good.Billie—”
His hand moves to my throat, thumb pressing and stroking, and his tongue follows, igniting a path on my skin.
I run my hands through his thick brown hair; it’s soft, smelling of mint and trees.His stubble scratches and I savor the burn, because I’m finally,finallynear enough to touch.I brush the edge of his jaw and the line of his throat, down to his Adam’s apple’s beckoning jut.It used to taunt me, that Adam’s apple, as though it whispered,peek beneath the lab coat, see I’m a man, look at me,look at me, take me, fuck me.
I run my hands down Seth’s heaving chest and he’s hard all over, as I knew he would be.But what I want, what Ineed, is to touch his cock.I’ve never touched anyone’s dick but Doug’s, and Seth’s is the one that’s starred in my dreams.
I squeeze it over his pants and he inhales loudly, thrusting into my hand.
“Billie” —his voice is throaty and more than a little pained—“do you want to come up to my room?”
Yes.I’m hot all over, turned on in a way I don’t remember being.There’s a faint tug of guilt in my gut, but I manage to push it down.
You want this, Billie.You’ve always wanted this.And now you can have it.
“Yes,” I say.I can’t believe how sure I sound, because my whole body trembles, my insides liquified from the opposing pulls of lust and shame.Yet I can’t seem to stop stroking Seth’s cock as he gives tiny thrusts into my hand, struggling to catch his breath.
He finally rears back, grabs my wrist, lifting my palm off his crotch, and meets my gaze.Our eyes have adjusted to the faint light, and I see everything.The way he looks at me is vulnerable, raw, and filled with desperate need.My chest constricts as I understand what he feels, and, inexplicably, I want to cry.
I’d never known this is what Seth is, what he’s felt underneath our easy friendship, that it’s everything that I’ve always felt for him, but somehow deeper and more powerful.Completely devastating.
