“I know.All I want is a real chance to see where this would go.”
She sighs, then glances at the floor.“I don’t know, Seth.I’d have to think about it.”
I take her into my arms and squeeze her tight.I’m still naked while she’s rumpled but completely dressed.It feels painfully fitting.
For a few moments, she is stiff in my arms, but then drops her purse and hugs me around the waist.
“I love you,” I cry.“I’ve loved you for years.You and I are meant to be together, and I want to do everything to make you happy.You just have to let me.”
“I don’t know,” she says.“You’re asking a lot of me.You might’ve lived with your feelings a long while, but they’re new to me.”
“So you have feelings for me?”
She scoffs.“Of course I have feelings for you.”
I want to press, but rein myself in and stay silent, a small flicker of hope igniting at my center.
“This is all a lot, Seth.”Billie sighs.“I need some space.”She twists out of my arms, picks up her purse, and leaves without looking back.
Chapter Five
Billie
Thursday
I spend the night in my room, tossing and turning.Then I go through the motions of getting myself ready for the day, chatting with colleagues, giving my talk.
Somehow, I manage to be in the world, professional, friendly, seemingly calm, while all my feelings, beneath the heavy lid of composure, roil painfully in my gut.
I remember Seth, completely naked before me, pleading,begging.I wanted so much to fall into his arms, it would have been so easy, so easy to say to him,take me, hold me, love me.
But no.Not again.
My talk goes well.Edie, Javi, and Seth are all there to support me.Seth sits in the back and gives me a smile and a thumbs up before I start.I feel his unwavering gaze on me the whole time and it makes the back of my neck sweat.
****
