“Because I don’t think it’s fair, the way I dumped all this on you. And?—”
“I like maths.”Shut up.“I mean, I likescience.”Shut THE FUCK UP.“And I would like to do maths and science with you.”S H U T U P. Why am I like this?“I mean, help you. If I can. At all.”
“Would you really?”
“Please.” Did you just sayplease? “You know, if I can. If-if that would help. That I do maths.”Please stop.
“August?” His voice is so calm when he says my name that I choke on my attempt to speak.
“H-ck-hmm?”
“I want to see you. First thing.”
“First thing?”
“First thing.”
Oh, my heart.“Okay. First thing.”
“I hope you sleep well.”
I’m never going to sleep again.“You too.”
“Goodnight, August.”
“Goodnight, August.”
He’s gone. Again.
He’s gone, and I’m wide awake. And so alive. And my stomach’s fluttering. And…
No.
No, this isn’t happening.
There is no way, that of all the people in the world, I’m actually crushing on…myself.
CHAPTER TEN
BAD AUGUST
FIRST THING
August isn’t home. I’ve knocked, and he’s not home. And I still haven’t learned how to pick locks, despite my recent and best efforts. So I guess I’ll just stand here.
I guess I’ll just stand here and lean against his wall, and look nonchalant as fuck for whenever he arrives. Put a leg half up. Yeah, I think that looks casual.
Or would it be more casual to go watch from behind that tree across the street and just ‘happen’ to arrive at the same time he returns? Does waiting here seem too desperate?
Who am I kidding? I am desperate.
I thought about him all night, and this is probably way too early in the day for any sort of decency, no matter how casual I try to appear.
I should find something to do with my hands. In or out of pockets? In looks staged, surely.
Before I can overthink my obviously completely relaxed and dispassionate stance a little more, I hear movement from the main building of the property, detached from his flat. That landlady of his talking, saying goodbye.
Then August’s voice, warm and soft. He’s laughing, and I swear to god, he’s like sunshine.
