I can’t place the season. There isn’t a tree in sight to suggest anything. The wind isn’t freezing, though it has a chill edge. It feels like maybe the season’s turning. I can’t see any stars in the sky. Maybe they already went out. More likely, it’s light pollution.
I have no idea how we’ll figure out where we are, or where a university is. Or how we’ll eat. Or anything else. What will this world even be? Is that what’s worrying him?
“August?” He looks at me like he’s forgotten I’m here. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Not really.” The smile that comes with it is genuine now, but that once-regular melancholy is back too.
We walk a few more steps while I try to figure out what to say next. But he breaks in with, “It’s that I love you.” His hand falls on the small of my back, and I turn to him, letting his other hand lock around me. “I won’t ever love anyone ever again. I want you to know that.”
His words are like chains on my ankles, sinking me down. They’re quiet, and they’re apologetic. “You promised you won’t leave me.”
“I won’t. I’ll do anything you want me to do.” My heart’s beating too hard. His words have already set me on edge. He calms me a little with a kiss, but then adds, “When the time comes, you make whatever decision you think is right. I’m very sure you’ll do the right thing. And I won’t… I won’t argue.”
“What are you talking about? What decision?” I try to hold his gaze, but he turns his face away.
“I hadn’t expected us to land in a future world. If that’s what this is, and it looks like it is, because I don’t recognise London at all. They’ll have technologies we could only dream of. They could have ways to?—”
“I’m staying with you.” The words are as solid as titanium. I know what he’s saying. I understand logically. To set things back in order, we would have to send him back. If it could even be done. But it would be like ripping an artery out and expecting my heart to function. It’s just not possible.
I catch the tear that slips down his cheek, glinting in the artificial pink light.
“Don’t.”
“I’m not. I’m not doing anything. August…” He kisses me again, eyes shut. But I don’t close mine. I wait for him. Wait to hear his final words that come with his gaze fixed on mine, the fingers I adore stroking through my hair. “You’re a good person. All the way through. I love that about you. And I don’t want you to ever feel bad for being that. This has been the most amazingtime of my entire life. It was worth it. All the sadness, all the loneliness. Even all the things I did. I’m sorry for them. Every day. But you… You take it all away. And I love you.”
“You still don’t understand, do you?” I tell him. “Even now, even with our shared experiences that I don’t believe another person in any reality has ever had, you still don’t understand how I love you. You still don’t think you’re…” I catch his chin to pull his face to me when he tries to look away again. “You still don’t think I could love you like that, do you?”
He smiles softly. “I think you’d like to.”
“No, August. You must feel what I feel.” I reach up, kiss him, slipping my fingers around his neck, forcing him to me. My heart lights, that inexpressible something crackles through my stomach, down through my feet. I pull back, catching his half-closed eyelids in a flutter, his lips trembling. “You feel it. It’s not just emotional, it’s physical. Its otherworldly. It’s not something I can turn my back on. Do you understand?”
“August—”
I kiss him again, and he stumbles back, almost losing control entirely when the strange electricity takes us. “I love you. Not a fleeting, passing thing. I love you, and we’ve made promises. Don’t turn your back on me, and I won’t let you down. Trust me. Please.”
“I trust you, August. It’s not that.”
“Then stop it. Stop being sad and put your faith in me. We’re not ending here. We’re going to get some information, and if we don’t like what we hear, I’m going to fuck you into the next world, and we’re going to keep on until we find a place we like better.”
He’s slow to smile, but it comes with a relieving chuckle. “You know, that’s slightly even more diabolical than what I’ve done.”
“Mmhmm. I’m your murder boyfriend. Hi. Please come with me.” I grab his hand and walk towards the others, meanderingslowly in the distance. He follows without resistance, dropping a kiss on my cheek.
But still he says, “This isn’t the life I want for you, you know? Jumping worlds. Not knowing what’s going to happen next.”
I return, “Then it’s just as well that’s the one thing you don’t get a say in.”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
BAD AUGUST
A WORLD AWAY
By the time we find our way down to ground level, I’ve learned to hide my fears a bit better. For all the world, I don’t want August to think that I doubt him. Because I don’t. I believe he means every word he says. I believe he loves me. I know we have a bond that goes beyond anything naturally formed in the universe. Something better. Something only the two of us have or could ever make.
If the world hadn’t ended back there, I never could have stopped. I don’t understand what this is, some strange drive that feels as if it’s taking over me. He’s in my blood. Even now, his pull is so strong I have to fight to keep my hands off him. And maybe now it’s even worse because I know I’m so close to losing him.
But given the choice, August won’t choose me. He can’t. I’m resigned to it.
