And he didn’t even know why. He was scared, yeah, but more than that, he just didn’t see the point in trying to hurt someone and have them hurt you, when it wasn’t for real. And when it was for real… that was when it became terrifying.
“My mom was the only one who really stood up for me. After she died…” He gave a helpless shrug. “That was it. There wasn’t anyone left who thought I was worth anything.”
He shot a careful sideways glance at Riley, both looking for and dreading his reaction. And that, right there, was courage, he told himself. He wasn’t hiding any longer.
“Well, shit,” Riley said. He sounded mad. “Who the fuck made them the shifter police? You’re just fine the way you are.” Taking Jason’s hand in his, he pressed a kiss into the palm like it was the most natural thing in the world. “Anyone who can’t see that needs their fucking head examined.”
Jason stared at Riley, which was probably unflattering because he was fairly certain his jaw was hanging down in stupefaction, but Riley thought he was fine the way he was?Riley, Mr. Perfect, thought that abouthim?
There was something weird happening inside Jason, like a leaf slowly unfurling in the warmth of spring sunshine. At least, that was the best explanation he could come up with for the weird fluttery feeling ofrightnessthat sat deep inside him. And Riley was that sunshine. Riley truly was perfect.
The stream burbled beside them, a confident chickadee hopped around their feet, and Jason had never been this happy.
Chapter Sixteen
RILEY
Jason’s smile hit Riley deep in the gut. Such pure, uncomplicated happiness. Pure wasn’t the obvious word choice given just how enthusiastically Jason had begged for Riley’s cock yesterday, but his heart… his heart was open and trusting.
Riley ruthlessly quashed the stirrings of guilt. He might not be telling Jason the truth about his reason for being here, but everything that mattered, what lay between them, was real.
“But you’re happy now, in Urban’s pack?” he checked. Because if he found out they were mean to Jason, judged him, he’d—he didn’t know what he’d be able to do against a bunch of shifters, but he’d dosomething.
Jason’s smile wavered for the slightest instant, and Riley was ready to start swinging.
“Yeah,” Jason said. “I mean, sometimes I wonder… But I do belong. They’ve never made me feel like I don’t.”
Didn’t sound precisely like a ringing endorsement. Seemed as if Jason’s old pack had set the bar so low he thought anything that wasn’t outright abuse was good. But Riley had jumped to conclusions before and been wrong, like when he’d thought Jason was being forced to cook for them, so he’d approach this one with more circumspection. Well, look at that—seemed hehadlearned something from his time in the newsroom.
“What’s it like, Urban’s pack? I mean, I don’t know how packs are supposed to be. Is it like a family, or more like a platoon, where you have to do what you’re told?”
“Family,” Jason said firmly. “The only difference being you can choose your pack.”
Riley’s stomach twisted, something sharp and bitter lodging behind his ribs. “Yeah,” he said. “Must be nice to be able to choose.” And before he could stop himself, more came spilling out, ugly and raw. “Not everyone gets that chance.”
He plucked a pine needle from the ground and snapped it in half in his fingers, jamming the sharp ends into his skin to stop himself from saying any more. Saying too much. Henevertalked about this. Never even really let himself think about it.
But since coming to Elk Ridge, since talking about his travel guide and meeting Jason, memories had been stirring. Regrets, pieces of himself he’d buried for years. And now, Jason wasn’t looking at him like he was a failure or one of the characters he inhabited. He was justthere,that steady presence that never asked for anything from Riley. Maybe for the first time in his life, Riley wasn’t performing. And the words wouldn’t stop coming out of his mouth.
“Someone tells you you’re family, actually gives a damn about you? You’re fucking lucky, Jason.” He flicked away the broken pine needle, watching it tumble into the dirt. He wanted to get up, to shake off whatever vile thing had crawled under his skin and madehim feel like a stranger in his own body, but his legs felt weirdly weak, and he wasn’t entirely sure they’d hold him.
Jason said nothing and sat still, giving Riley the space he needed. Or maybe he was just so shocked by Riley’s breakdown that he didn’t know what else to do.Run away, Riley wanted to tell him. Get away from me now, before you find out just how fucking broken and pathetic I am.
“My folks—” his voice caught. “My parents aren’t like that. Not so into the whole unconditional love thing. You’re good if you tick the right boxes, bring the right kind of girl home for Thanksgiving.” He laughed again, short and bitter. “Turns out I’m not good at any of those things.”
He had to shut up. He had to make sure Jason still thought he had his shit together, that there was something worthwhile in Riley. Instead, he glanced sideways, met Jason’s steady, unwavering gaze, and he just kept fuckinggoing, spilling his guts in ugly emotional vomit.
“I figured out pretty early you’ve got to fit in if you want to matter. Gotta be useful in some way or another. Otherwise—” his throat worked. “Otherwise, no one looks twice.”
He remembered one time, after his first solo in a middle school concert, how his dad had clapped louder than anyone, pulled him into a hug, kissed his head, told him he’d never been prouder. Back then, Riley had taken it for granted. His dad’s pride had felt like a constant.
It wasn’t. He only realized later—his dad had been proud of theperformance. Not ofhim.
That was it. He’d said way too much. He was officially done. “Guess that’s why I’m so charming.” He forced his usual grin and felt it stretch too tight. “Survival tactics.”
Jason was still watching him without saying anything, and Riley hated how soft his eyes had gone. Like Riley was somethingfragile instead of a mess who didn’t know when to stop fuckingtalking.
After a long moment, Jason spoke, quiet and firm. “That’s bullshit,” he said. “You don’t matter because of what boxes you tick or what you do. You matter, Riley.”
