“I’ll…think about it. That’s as much as I can give you at the moment.”
“And that’s enough. Wait for me, and I’ll wait for you,” I say kindly.
He leans forward and captures my lips in a kiss that’s so soft, so gentle, it breaks me further, because fuck if I don’t want to lean into it. To give him everything. But I can’t. Not yet. Not while the jagged pieces of me would tear us apart. They’ve already cut into me deeply, I won’t do that to him or Emilio. So if Antonio is right, then therapy is where I’ll start. And hopefully…hopefully, my Sweetheart will use his courage to begin his own journey. Because if we both do it, there’s a chance of us having something beautiful. We just have to get there first…
Keegan pulls me into him without a word. Because really, what can he say? There are no words, no magic wands, to fix the pain currently coursing through me. It feels as if my heart has been ripped from my chest, and part of me argues that I shouldn’t be allowed to feel so devastated, since I’m the one that held the knife, but… Despite what Cristian might think of me, this isn’t easy. You don’t throw a decade of your life down the drain and come out unscathed, not unless you’re heartless, or never meant what you said.
And that’s the kicker, isn’t it? I meant every fucking word I ever spoke to Cristian Amato. Every touch, every kiss, every vow. I thought he was my everything, that after the pain we endured because of my lies, nothing would be able to touch us. Turns out, we were really good at lying to ourselves.
Keegan holds me throughout my breakdown, murmuring words I can’t make out through the heartbreak, but somehow, they warm me from the inside anyway. Knowing he’s here, and that he’s willing to hold me up when one soft breeze could probably knock me over.
I jump when someone crowds behind me, but relax when I realize Marcus has returned and is now sitting on the bed with me, holding me as tightly as Keegan is.
Safe in their arms, I let the destruction I’ve wrought overtake me, and the pieces of my soul shatter to pieces as I soak up the love I’m not sure I deserve.
Was it a mistake?The thought swirls through me and I choke back a sob. Pulling away from Keegan, I look up into his gray eyes, so intense but soft at the same time. His touch, as he cups my face, is gentle, and it makes more tears fall.
“I…” Swallowing, I try to find words that match the emotions that are causing such havoc inside me.
“Shh. It’s okay, Love.” Keegan leans in and presses a soft kiss to my head.
Closing my eyes, I try to calm my breathing, forcing the words out. “It’s over with. I ended our relationship for good… I don’t know what to do now.”
“What do you want to do?” Keegan asks.
Opening my eyes, I blink through my tears and meet his steady gaze. “I want…to be happy. I don’t know if I deserve it, though.”
“That’s bullshit,” Marcus says. His arms tighten almost painfully around me, but I embrace it, needing his connection. “You deserveeverything, Carter.”
“Do I?” I question. Cristian’s pain-filled eyes come to the forefront of my mind. “He keeps accusing me of leaving him for someone else…is it true? Am I just… throwing away my marriage for you two?”
“Are you?” Keegan’s stormy eyes darken a little. “If…if he is what you want, we’ll respect that. We want you to be happy, Love. We love you so fucking much, that if stepping aside is what you need, we’ll do it.”
The thought of not having them like this…of not seeing where this goes…it’s petrifying. “No,” I gasp. “I can’t… No, I can’t live without you. I need you. Need what we’re building. I need Cole. He’s mine.”
“We’ll never take him from you,” Marcus says gently in my ear. “He loves you, and he’s been through so much that we won’t ever take away what makes him happy.”
Thinking of the little boy who brings such joy to my life…can I go back to just being his friend? No. I want to raise him. I want to help mold him into the man he’s supposed to be. I believe that they won’t take him from me, but much like I know Roman is mine, so is Cole.
And so are Marcus and Keegan.
“It hurts. Not being with him. Ending our marriage for good. There were a lot of parts that I think we just slapped a bandage on and called it good. We thought our love was strong enough to withstand all the baggage, but all of this…the kidnapping, Allesandro, his PTSD—if that’s what it is—the two of you…it’s shown me that sometimes loving someone isn’t enough.
“I will never not love him. He was the first person I truly trusted, really loved. He’s the father of my son, and he gave me a chance at life when he should have killed me. But…while it hurts, it’s not as world-ending as it would be if I lost either of you.
“I’m not saying my feelings for you are more, it doesn’t work like that, but…to lose either of you would kill me. Maybe that makes me a terrible person, after all, I married him for fuck’s sake. I just…I don’t know. I love you. So fucking much.”
Keegan leans down and kisses me, taking my mouth so sweetly but completely that all I can do is lean against Marcus and moan, letting him own me in the best of ways.
I never thought of myself as submissive, or even really dominant. Cristian and I were always vers, though I topped most of the time because it’s what we preferred, but when it came to the blood and knife play, we took equal turns there. Yet when it comes to Keegan, I would lay myself out for him in any way he wants. There’s a sureness in his touch, a strength I want to give myself over to.
When the kiss breaks, he traces my bottom lip with his thumb. “I love you, Carter. I’m going to take care of you, if you’ll have me.”
“Weare going to take care of you.” Marcus lets me go and slides off the bed, gently nudging Keegan to the side, so he can place his own hand on my face. “I love you, too. You’re not alone in this; you never have to be again.”
When Marcus kisses me, it’s different. He yields to my touch, kissing me with such passion, while following my lead, and the thought goes straight to my dick. I groan into his mouth, wanting more, wanting to see how far he’ll let me push.
The dichotomy of the two of them makes my head spin, but together? Together they make a beautiful package, and I want to see it. I want to see the trust between them play out in front of me. One day, I hope I’m lucky enough to be invited into it.
