“I’m of more use here, trying to find out what the fuck is going on, and how we can solve it. Plus, this keeps me away from Allesandro. It’s…safer that way.”
Hollis grumbles something, but thankfully, I can’t make it out. I’m almost panting by the time we get to their room, as Hollis lets more and more of his weight fall on me. Nudging the door open, I bundle him inside, but he instinctively flares back. “No.”
“Jesus,” I mutter. I take a deep breath, but my heart understands. I wouldn’t be able to lay in the same bed that Tennant, Roman, and Lio should have been in. Deciding to take a risk, I maneuver him out of their bedroom and take him to mine instead.
He’s half-asleep by the time we make it there, and I’m worried I’ll need to call a doctor, but I manage to get him situated. I stand there, staring down at the exhausted lines on his face, and the whirling feeling of indecision crashes into me. I’m not sure whether to leave him here alone or stay by his side.
My phone vibrates and I quickly grab it. Looking over the request from Jude, I breathe out. Thank fuck. I jot down a quick note to leave next to Hollis’s sleeping form, before slipping out the door. I’ll ask the kitchen to have some food ready for him later. For now, I need to track down my fellow Second. Because fuck if we’ll let our Bosses be stolen on our watch.
This shit stops now. We will get Roman and Lio back, and I will personally make sure hellfire rains down on our enemies.
Fuck this. It’s our time, and we won’t let our Bosses down. And when they get back…well, fuck. I have a hell of a lot of groveling to do…
“Sit there and behave, or I will declare you unfit for duty. Do not test me,” Dr. Ranlen snaps as I try, once again, to get off the bed.
It takes everything in me not to find something to kill her with. Sadly, the little monster would object to me taking out his doctor.
Thoughts of Emilio reignites my fury and I tense, forcing myself to stay seated on the bed. She watches me warily, as if reading my mind and understanding that I’m one wrong word or thought away from bolting.
“I need to get home. I need to find Roman and Emilio.”
Steel gray eyes meet mine. “You need to rest; you're no good to anyone if you injure yourself further. The bullet somehow managed to not nick the bone, but I still had to dig it out. It's going to take time to recuperate.”
Time I don't have. That Lio and Roman don't have.
“Thank you for patching me up, but I can't just sit here and?—”
“That is exactly what you're going to do, or do I need to call Doc and have him come here to set you straight?”
Gritting my teeth, I meet her hard gaze, both impressed and annoyed that she doesn't bend to me. “I'm leaving tomorrow morning,” I tell her. “Load me up with the good drugs, and whatever else you fucking want, but Iwillbe leaving as soon as possible.”
She sighs in exasperation, but finally nods, giving in to my demand. I'm aware it's mostly because it's not worth the fight, not because she's letting me win the argument.
With some muttered curses, she updates the chart in her hand and then leaves the room.
Restlessness almost wins out right away. The need to do something, anything, to find my Boys is strong.They were right there.Right fucking there. I was with them, Goddammit. I was supposed to protect them…
Too many thoughts and feelings swirl around in my head and I lash out, the stupid plastic cup and pitcher of water crashing to the floor.
My jaw hurts from clenching my teeth so hard. My heart races and my breathing speeds up.
Fisting my good hand, lest I do something like punch anyone who gets in my way as I make my way out of the house, I try to stem the sudden shaking that takes over my body.
They can't be gone…
I was right. Fucking. There.
What good am I, are all my protections, if I can't even keep the people I love safe?Fuck. There's that fucking word again.
Love. Stupid fucking brain chemistry that is meaningless. What does love ever do besides cause this overwhelming crushing pain?
This is why it's better to notfeelthings.
Reaching for my phone on the small table, glad it survived my tantrum, I send a message to Hol. I’d rather call him, to hear his smooth voice reassuring me, but he doesn't need that. I am the strong one, the rock that withstands every storm that comes our way. I’d rather he focus on finding our Boys than talking me off the ledge.
I consider calling Benjamin, knowing he's most likely falling apart with Lio being gone, but…our conversation from the other day still plays in my head. All the reassurances he gave, but it still felt like something was missing.
I never realized how devastating not being accepted for who you are could be, because I've never given a shit before. But Benjamin…he iseverythingto me. I broke myself open for him, and my stomach twists with the thought that he could throw that all away for some petty jealousy and miscommunication.
