“Of course, Antonio still owes Hollis for the trackers, he’s not going to make that mistake again…this week.” Jude smiles a little at the thought of his Boy’s antics.
I huff a laugh, ignoring the pain that rushes through me. “Good. Now, don’t keep him waiting too long.”
Jude and Benjamin leave, and Leandro follows, I’m assuming to head to his office, so he can not only start breaking into the cop’s phone, but to listen into the conversation. I shouldprobably be worried about how he has the entire house bugged, but right now, it’ll serve in our favor.
“I’ve changed my mind,” Doc says, moving over to the small sink in the corner of the room. “I’ll check you first, then go meet with Jayden.”
“I’m fine.”
“Right, so you normally wince just sitting up in bed.”
Sighing, I try to relax as Doc puts on a pair of gloves and comes over to examine me. I know being as tense as I am isn’t helping, not so soon after being injured, but I’d like anyone else in my position to say they weren’t stressed.
My son is gone, his lover is in a bad headspace, and everyone is looking to me for guidance…stressed isn’t strong enough of a word.
As Doc pokes and prods at me, grumbling unfavorable words under his breath, I close my eyes, and try to push the short meeting out of my head. Instead, I let thoughts of the two men who own my heart take over. A different type of worry fills me, but at least this one might have a happy ending…hopefully.
Tonight, I tell myself. Tonight I’ll express my real feelings to them, because if being away from either of them for a day is any indication of how I feel, I need to get it out in the open. Maybe.God, please don't let them break my heart any more than it already is.
Ipace by the front door, ignoring the increasingly uncomfortable looks the butler keeps sending my way. He doesn’t realize how important it is that I’m actually waiting here, because the moment Tennant comes through that door, I need him upstairs and away from Jude’s conference. Not to mention, his emotions must be all over the place—whether it’ll be obvious to anyone else or not.
Fuck. I thought losing the original Heads of the Families was hard. This…this is brutal. My best friend. Fuck. Who I haven’t been there for lately. Also, Roman…damn. I didn’t realize he’d snuck into my heart as much as he has. And now Hollis? The glue that holds us all together? I…I can’t imagine what will be going through my love’s head. I finally get it, and damn is this a hard way to fucking learn.
The door opens and my breath hitches. Guards flood in first before Keegan and Marcus, who immediately head toward the medical suite—likely to find Carter. I’m not quite sure what’s going on between those three, but I wish them luck. And finally…finally Tennant walks in, though, I hold back a wince at how it’s almost a stumble instead of his usual confident strides. My heart quakes as I stare at the man in front of me. His eyes…it’s not the monster I see burning behind them, but instead, a man full of desperation. I swallow, unsure if my plan will still work, but fuck, I have to try something. Anything. My Nocciola deserves it, and so much more…
Stepping forward, I slowly slide my hand into Tennant’s, worried about spooking him. Considering the way he stares at me unseeingly, caution is likely the best way to proceed. I gently tug him upstairs, and he follows without a word. That’s not the man I know. He may often seem quiet, but he isn’t truly. He speaks when something needs to be said, but in this case, even though I can feel the words rolling off him, he doesn’t voice any.
I tug him into my room, and although he enters, he stops near the door, refusing to come in further. Dropping my hand, he shakes his head, stumbling backwards. My soul cries out for him, but he’s so far lost in his own head, I’m not sure how to reach him.
With a hoarse voice, he says, “Hollis.”
For a moment, pain pierces me, but I shake it off. “He’s resting. Doc won’t allow anyone near him right now. I’m sorry. I…didn’t do enough.”
He snorts, roughly running his fingers through his hair, almost pulling out strands of it. “Youdidn’t do enough?I’mthe one who lost Roman and Lio. It was on me to protect them. I was right there and yet they were still taken!”
I flinch, the words aren’t loud, but the impact…fuck. Steeling myself, I turn and grasp the knife I had put on the bed earlier. Walking over, I offer it to him.
“What?” His gaze flicks from the knife to my face. Even without a full question, I know what he’s asking.
“Use it. Use me. Let it out. I know you’re scared. I am too. I know how it feels.”
Tennant snorts. “You know nothing. You’ve been jealous of them. You’re not the one who fucking lost them. I…”
“You love them. You don’t have to say it. And yeah, I struggled with jealousy. But…they complete you. I get it now. How can I not cherish what makes you the man I love? You feel guilty for not protecting them, even though you did everything you could. I understand guilt. I…wasn’t a good enough friend to Lio, and I didn’t give Roman enough of a chance. But that fear and guilt? That’s not going to help.” I pause, reaching up to touch Tennant’s cheek, stroking it and the rough stubble. “So, use me. Channel those feelings. That way, you can let it go. And we can get our men back.”
I offer him the knife again, and this time, he takes it. I strip my shirt off, ready for whatever he wants to give me. He can have every inch of me, he can mark me however he wants, because what I feel for him…it’s far more than skin deep. It’s branded on my soul, on my heart, and life…life without him is unimaginable.
He touches the tip of the knife to my chest, pressing in just enough for it to sting. I hiss at it, but stay still. Those blue eyes of his…they’re like a stormy sea right now, as everything churns inside him. I’m captivated by them, by him, and will lay down whatever I need to if it’ll help bring him back from the abyss.
Suddenly, he wrenches himself away, sneering at me in disgust. “So this is about guilt. You want me to hurt you to take it away. Fuck that. I'm not letting you use me to harm yourself.”
Growling, I step forward. “Dammit! That’s not what I’m doing!”
“Are you sure? Are you sure you’re not looking for some sort of penance through blood? I’ve watched Hollis struggle with his demons. Fuck you, Benjamin, if you think I’m going to bleed you to alleviateyourguilt.”
Tennant turns around, storming toward the door, and I scramble after him. The whole world may as well be crashing down right now. The man I love is rushing away, and I know if I let him leave, he’ll be lost to me forever.
I yank at his arm, forcing him to stop, even though I know he could outmaneuver me. “Nocciola, please. Please, stop and listen to me. That’s not what I meant at all. I…fuck. I love you. So much. And all I want is to help. Please, don’t push me away. Not now.”
