With a frown, he gives a partial shrug. “Allesandro is fine…but—and I know I have no right to ask this—if you ever feel comfortable addressing me as Sandro, it would be an honor.”
I struggle not to drop my jaw. Using his first name seems impossible enough, but a nickname? From the way he shifts his gaze elsewhere, it appears he understands just how much he’s asking of me. It’s…uncomfortable. He’s my former Master, my former Boss, my savior, and the man I’ve held in high esteem for more years than I care to count. The idea of being friends…
I clear my throat, trying to speak carefully so Dr. Ranlen doesn’t kill me. “Then I’ll call you Allesandro, at least, for now.”
He meets my eyes, and this time, there’s a certain amount of peace there that makes me relax. It’s hard to let go of weapons, and what is a reputation but a weapon designed to protect the person carrying it? I can’t imagine what he must be going through, shedding the Il Padrone persona, but I make a silent vow to be there for him as he does it. It takes a strong man to shed falsehoods, and I’ll walk beside him while he does it, and perhaps…perhaps we can find a balance together.
“I wanted to say how very proud I am of you,” he says softly. “All of my former Boys have truly shined since leavingthe Martelli Family. I may not have done much good in my life, and I may have gone about it completely wrong, but you Boys are the one thing I’m proud of. You were my War, and I know you’ll serve Carter well. Cutting into my resources…that was the perfect strategy. I am not sure what will become of the Martellis, but thank you for the time you did give me. I didn’t deserve it, but I’m thankful for it all the same, even if this Family does not survive. I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you, and everyone.”
Fuck. I’m not sure how much of this I can take. I stumble over to the chair beside him and sit down. I reach out and grasp his hand, even though it feels awkward, as I stare at him.
“Allesandro…I will not devalue your apology. I’ll accept it in the spirit it’s meant, but…you were a good Master. You saved my life. You taught me more about strategy than I ever thought possible. You gave me freedom, and even when I used that to betray you, you didn’t turn your back on me. And…you tried to protect my angel. What happened to her was not your fault, nor mine. But while I was giving into the blackmail and betraying you, you stepped in to try and protect her. I…fuck. I accept you not wanting to be Il Padrone, but please, please know that to me, you were a good Boss, and I have no regrets in following you.”
Allesandro’s eyes become misty, but he holds steady. Huskily, he says, “Thank you. And…I asked Keegan if I could be of help with finding Emilio and Roman. I know he was going to talk to Carter about it, but…I want to let you know, I am at your command. Any time.”
He squeezes my hand once more before letting go, and I merely nod, unable to force anything else out. Fuck. These emotions are screwing with my head. I stand up and try to smile, but I doubt it works. It feels wrong to turn my back and walk away, but that’s what I do. I escape. I can’t handle the overwhelming feeling of loss anymore. He may mean it as a sign of respect, but to me? It’s…not. I can’t fathom this change inhim. And while I understand it, and hell, even approve of it, I can’t shake the feeling that I'm missing the leader I knew.
Dr. Ranlen is still working on charts when I step out, and it only takes one look before she sighs and holds open her arms. I walk right into them, knowing she hates hugs, but selfishly needing it. We stay in an embrace for a few minutes, not saying a word. Just two people who knew Il Padrone at his greatest, and are seeing him at his lowest, holding each other up. She eases out of my arms and touches my cheek.
“Why don’t you go see my brother? He’ll help. This may be a confusing time for us all, but…it’ll get better. And once we get Lio back…”
I realize then that we’re both pinning our hopes on a young man who's gone through so much in life, and I wince in shame. But neither of us knows how to do anything else. For now, I decide she’s right. It’s time to see Keegan.
Everything may be a kaleidoscope of confusion right now, but he’s the one thing that always holds me steady. Thank fuck I was sent here to help escort Tennant and him back home. We’re not taking any chances, but really, I think I’m the one who needs the help now. That conversation will haunt me…far more than any memories of the playroom, or even the ash taste of betrayal. Seeing the strongest man I know turn into…that. I cringe and stumble toward Keegan, my desperate need pulling me there. Thank fuck I have someone to ground me. I only wish I could give that to Allesandro as well.
Alone in my hospital room for the first time since waking up, I feel…adrift. And useless. Stuck in the stupid bed due to my injuries, the only thing I can do to help is give out orders. The bodyguard in me, the instinct that had me shoving Marcus out of the way and taking those bullets so he didn’t…rejects being unable to be on the ground searching for my son and fellow Boss.
But, I also know the Families need me to help guide them, more than they need a fucking martyr. As much as I don’t think I’m the right person for the job, I also know that every single person on my side disagrees. I’m not alone, even though I’m lonely as hell without Marcus and Keegan at my side.
Who knew those two would become so important to me in such a short period of time. At first, I just wanted to help. Cole gave me a distraction when my world was crashing down aroundme, and then I fell in love with him, because how could younotlove him? He’s sweet, smart, and such a good kid. He’s what made me want to give being a father another shot. Fuck, I want to behisfather. But, I’m terrified to take that next step with my friends.
I told them I love them, but I didn’t stress that I’minlove with them. I don’t know when my feelings changed, when they went from friends—family—to more, but they have, and as worried as I am that I’ll fuck it up, because my marriage just fell apart, I want them as well. I don’t know if they’ll want me, broken as I am, but being part of their lives will be enough. It has to be.
Though, it’s also why I’m worried that they’re both at the Martelli house, near not only Allesandro, but Cristian as well. I don’t want Marcus to get hurt again. I know how much he cares for Allesandro still—it’s partly why I voted yes on letting him live. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t scare the shit out of me to have him so close to his former Master. Still, I have to trust him and Keegan both.
Trust.That word brings me back to Cristian. Who I thought trusted me, not only with his heart, but his son’s as well. Look how wrong I was. The fact he was already accusing me of sleeping with Marcus and Keegan when we were just friends…it worries me that he’ll be a dick to them because he’s hurt.
Giving back my ring, ending our marriage…it was the right thing to do, for a lot of reasons. He broke me when he denied my paternal rights to Roman, but we haven’t been okay for a long time. If we were, I have to believe he wouldn’t have hurt me so deeply. Couples fight, they say things they don’t mean, but you don’t tear someone you love to their lowest point and then keep digging the knife in. The man I loved—love still, because I don’t think I’ll ever not love him—wouldn’t have said the things he did after the Bosses’ meeting. He would have apologized, and askedfor forgiveness he doesn’t deserve. Instead, he made everything worse, and showed that maybe we really are done this time.
The pain of losing something that meant the world to me for so long is crushing, and it rivals the physical pain of my injuries.
There’s a knock on my closed door, and I force myself to take a deep breath, pretending I have my shit together so no one worries—there are more important things for everyone to do than worry about me.
“Come in,” I call out when I am at least a little steadier than before.
The door opens and Jude enters the room, followed by Benjamin, Leandro, and Doc. It’s still surreal to be the one getting updates and issuing orders, or contemplating their plans of action, but I am my father’s son. If the years by Cristian’s side have taught me anything, it’s how to run a Family. Georgio can at least be devastated by the knowledge that I’ve finally stepped into the shoes he and Julian never wanted me to fill. Though, knowing my father, he’d be proud I am using Cristian’s unintentional teachings as well. Georgio may not have wanted his bastard in charge, but he was never one to pass up an opportunity either.
“How’s Hollis?” I ask both Doc and Jude.
“Limited duty until I say so,” Doc replies carefully. “If Roman and Emilio weren’t missing, I’d have pulled him completely, but I know better than to think he’d sit on the sidelines while we search for his lovers. I’m sourcing a therapist for him though, he doesn’t get a choice this time.”
Jude’s lips tighten into a thin line, but that’s the only outward display of emotion. He leans against the wall, his pale green eyes hard and his face blank as he listens to Doc.
“I can do the work on my own,” Leandro speaks up. “But I think the whole ‘trying to avoid burnout or a breakdown’ applies to me as well.”
Doc shoots him a look. “It does. Both of you are on my shit list for how many hours you’ve been putting in. Hollis just gets the worst of it this time around. I am going to closely monitor him for a while, and pull him away every few hours for a break, even if he fights me.”
“He won’t,” Jude says firmly. “Well, he will, but Ten and I will help you there. Hol is…not okay, and he hasn’t been for a while. Too many things have happened that are out of his control, the video was the final straw.”
