“There are sailors here?”
“Focus, Liv.”
“Right,” I say, bopping her nose. She has a cute little button nose.
She hands me a slice of bread that may or may not be someone’s sandwich base, and I take a bite because she’s right about something, most things, really… and also because I might be a little drunker than I thought.
Then I’m swaying to the music before I recognize the song playing through the speaker system, and it gut-punches me. It’s not a special one in that it means anything to Rhys and me, it’s more a memory of me on the way to his beach house, thinking how good life was… whilst I sang my heart out to this very song.
There’s this slow, unwelcome curl of emotion in my chest. That doesn’t belong in crowded rooms or kitchens filled with strangers. That creeps in when I stop talking long enough to feel anything, suffocating in the air around me. I don’t want it. Especially when it’s threatening the longevity of my glittery eyeliner.
“I think I’m gonna go outside for a minute,” I say to Daphne.
I push through the back door and into the cooler air, my skin prickling with relief. The noise dulls behind me, but everything inside me still buzzes like a live wire.
My throat closes. My stomach flips so fast I nearly gag. I can’t do this, pretend that I don’t feel ashamed of myself in so many ways. Pretend that I can be happy when I took that away from someone else. Pulling out my phone, I stare at the message he last sent me until it blurs. I don’t want anything of mine if I left it with him, it no longer belongs to me, anyway. My throat burns. That hollow ache I thought I’d buried starts climbing back up. I delete his number because I need to.
I blink hard, but that doesn’t stop one tear from slipping down my cheek.
The porch door creaks behind me. Daphne’s voice is a whisper. “Hey.”
I swipe my face fast, but I already know she saw. “I’m fine.”
“I know you are. I’m here for me.” She pulls me into a side hug, and I let myself cling to her, my best friend who’s always been there to pick up my pieces. She sat up all night with me whilst my dad and mom argued over her infidelity again. And again, when he moved out. Then again, after all this shit with Rhys. My Daphne is one of a kind.
She squeezes my shoulder, then pulls back slightly and says, “Want a distraction?”
I nod.
She leans closer and drops her voice conspiratorially. “A girl inside just asked me if Hudson’s open to exploring a poly relationship.”
I blink. “What?”
Daphne covers a laugh. “Said, and I quote, ‘He’s got to want multiple girls at one time, right?’”
My jaw drops on a sniffle. “No.”
“Oh, yes.”
“That’s—wow.” I shake my head, the corners of my mouth already twitching. “What did you say?”
“I told her he’s already overwhelmed by one girl and a baby, and if she wants to pitch a schedule to his Google Calendar, good luck.”
I snort. “Did you also mention the part where he’s head over heels in love with you?”
She shrugs but smiles. “I don’t need to tell a stranger to know that.”
And just like that, the ache loosens a little and is dulled by the warmth of Daphne beside me and the sheer ridiculousness of the world continuing to spin, even when mine keeps stuttering. Even when I’m not always sure of my place in it. Man, it’s hard being a human, even harder being a woman, but that’s another existential crisis.
“How’s that eyeliner?”
I sniff a laugh. “Not so sparkly anymore, but that’s okay.”
“Come on, let’s go home.”
Home. The word holds weight that I’m not ready to process tonight, but when I think about going home to my roommate, maybe it doesn’t feel so bad.
Chapter fourteen
