“That’s why I’m here.”
“What?” I repeat, not sure I can muster another word because I don’t understand anything. “I thought I had time. We had… I don’t—what the hell is happening?” My fist slams into the counter. I’m not one for anger, but my blood feels too hot for my body.
“Jay, there’s something else.”
The way he says it sets every already fragile nerve on edge. “What is it. Is she hurt?”
His head shakes, but there’s something in his eyes. “When you were in California… she ran into Rhys.”
The name lands hard, and my scowl deepens. “Rhys? The guy who fucked her over, that Rhys?”
He exhales, crossing his arms. “He was in town for a tour of campus with his daughter, only, Liv had no idea who she was when she agreed to it.”
I stare at him, trying to piece it together. “And you’re just telling me this now?”
“I wanted to tell you, but you were in California, and that was a huge deal for you,” he admits. “But it feels like you need to know why she reacted the way she did last night. She was hurting and then… Daph told me everything right before I called you.”
The words sink in, heavy and uncomfortable. I picture her face when I told her about California—the way she’d smiled like it hurt, the edge in her voice when she said she was happy for me. All the things I hadn’t seen because I was too busy convincing myself she’d understand. And the stark reality of why she isn’t here slams into my chest with a thud. “She thinks I’ve lied to her.”
Hudson nods once. “I think so. We know it’s not the same, but she was so excited to plan this whole dinner for your homecoming, and then Daph said it was a completely different Liv.”
My throat tightens.Shit.That was never my intention. It was selfish, plain and simple, I didn’t want to fail again and have to explain it all away. And now I see what it’s cost—how keeping her in the dark only proved every fear she’s ever had about trust. How it turned me into another reason for her to stop believing in the good things.
“She’s not angry, man. She’s scared and hurt.”
“I’d never hurt her. I didn’t…” I exhale and pull at the collar of my sweater, suddenly feeling like I can’t breathe. I didn’t mean to hurt her.
“I know, man.” His hand lands on my shoulder, and it feels like a vise around my neck.
I look at him and know he sees everything I can say right now. I need her. I can’t lose her.
I take a slow breath, feeling it catch somewhere behind my ribs. “I need to fix it.”
He hesitates, but only for a moment. “I know where she is.”
Chapter fifty-two
Liv
Thenewdormssmelllike paint and carpet glue.
It’s fucking awful. But I’ve put on my big-girl panties and ignored every single inconvenient thing that’s almost sent me into a spin today.
The bed is a single instead of the huge bed I just bought for Jay’s? No problem.
There’s only one small window in the room? Great, I hate natural light.
No pets allowed? Wonderful, he’d hate it here anyway.
I will not let it get to me. My decision was the right one. Everything is going to be fine. I can do this on my own. I will do this because Jay’s leaving anyway, he’s moving to another state, so I can’t keep relying on him. I can’t keep relying on people who leave me.
I sniff away the tears threatening to fall again and look at my best friends.
Daphne’s crouched by the window, trying to untangle a string of fairy lights that keep knotting themselves. Finn joined us anhour ago and dove straight in. Right now, he’s cross-legged on the floor, folding sweaters into neat stacks like he’s afraid to look at me too long. In his defense, I may have burst into tears when he arrived. Something about having the three of us together felt right, like we were kids again.
I inhale, that horrible smell of paint assaults me, and I groan, slumping my head into my hands. “I don’t want to do this,” I mumble. It’s supposed to feel like a fresh start. Instead, it feels like I’m at the base of a mountain I don’t want to climb with no equipment or know-how. I hate it here, but I’m way too stubborn not to push on.
“I know, but youcando this. It’s not easy, but you’re tough, Liv,” Daphne says, and just when her words fuel something deep in my belly, I open my mouth to tell her she’s right, but there’s a knock at the door.
