“Do you think that’s what you were doing?”
“Maybe. I hope not.”
He heard Poppy’s voice in the background, and Sienna made atsking sound. “What are you doing out of bed, Little Miss? It’s nearly nine o’clock.”
Zane couldn’t hear Poppy’s answer, but he knew what would come next. His wife was busy, and she’d given him all the time she could. Zane beat her to the punch. “I’ll let you go. You’re needed there.”
“I better. Listen, the thing is, what you did in the past is a lot less important than what you’re going to do in the future,” she said. “If you decide to do better, you can.”
Tears stung the backs of his eyes. “Thank you. I needed to hear that. I love you.”
“Yup, bye.”
SIENNA
Sienna stood under the spray of hot water. It was late, and she was exhausted from a long evening of parenting. After far too much cajoling and arguing, she wound up writing half of Parker’s essay on the Industrial Revolution, finally getting him off to bed at eleven. He’d be a bear in the morning but so be it. She was more frustrated than she usually would be, and it took her a while to realize why. Zane’s phone call. Kitty came to mind first. How she’d completely dropped Sienna as soon as Zane moved out. She didn’t know the real reason, obviously, and she didn’t know if they’d get back together. But Kitty had drawn a line in the sand. She was with Zane all the way. And it hurt like hell to discover she meant nothing to her after twenty years of friendship.
After she marinated in self-pity for a while, her mind wandered to her husband. Why was she so quick to jump in and rescue him from facing his own shit? Surely there must be something wrong with her. There probably had been from the start, now that she thought about it. She’d always smoothed things over for him, letting him off the hook when he didn’t deserve it. Replaced the cold truth with a prettied-up version of it, the same way she would redecorate an empty room. Maybe Zane was a bad person. Maybe he wouldn’t ever change. Or maybe he was finally starting to understand that the world didn’t revolve around him, and he would grow into the person she’d always given him credit for being.
1976
She shouldn’t have come. It was a mistake. Sienna was right when she told Zane it was tacky. Angela shouldn’t have to see them together when she had no choice but to attend. But he was a decade older. Surely he knew better than she about most things—his wife, at least. Besides, if she hadn’t allowed herself to be persuaded, she would’ve spent the entire day and evening pacing Zane’s beachfront home, driving herself mad with the fear that seeing his ex would remind him of what they once had.
Zane’s proposal felt like it had happened weeks ago, instead of a few hours. The blissful haze had only lingered until he handed the car keys to the valet out front. As soon as she took her next step, all that happiness was swept aside by gusts of trepidation and guilt, which gave way to swells of suspicion and shame. She spent the entire ceremony watching the man she loved for signs he might change his mind. There was none to see, which offered a hint of relief to her wary heart. But when the jealousy subsided, she realized how utterly out of place she was among the adults. She stood out, and not only because she towered over Kitty, but because she was so very young. Kitty told her she’d turned thirty the week before. Thirty. She couldn’t imagine ever being that old. Twenty sounded far away to Sienna, even though it was only a few months from then. But thirty was basically halfway to ‘’til death do us part.’
After the ceremony ended, the wedding party disappeared for photos. Sienna stood in a shady corner of the garden, telling herself that no matter what happened that day, even if Angela got drunk and slapped her right across the face in front of everyone, it would be worth it for a life with Zane. If she hadn’t been preoccupied by all the famouspeople in the crowd or her own youth or Angela’s tight smile, she would have had room in her brain to realize it was odd that Kitty was being so nice to her. Shouldn’t she despise her? After all, she and Angela had been close for years, and here Kitty was, patting her large belly and whispering to Sienna about who had facelifts and who was secretly gay. Sienna should have had her guard up but having an ally when you’re completely alone is irresistible, and she didn’t bother to question it.
Much to her relief, the afternoon rolled on without a scene. Angela sat at the head table, sipping a conservative amount of wine and taking dainty bites of her Coq au vin. She didn’t glare at Sienna during the speeches. She didn’t wrinkle up her nose at her while the cake was being cut. She didn’t yell at her and call her a hussy. Finally, when the dance was in full swing, Sienna decided that nothing bad would happen and she allowed herself to relax. She and Zane held each other close while the band sang ‘At Last’ by Etta James. Zane sang along, staring into her eyes while she smiled at him adoringly.
“Has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful?” he asked, pressing his cheek to hers.
She laughed. “No, never.”
“Well, it’s true.” He dipped her, and she let out a little squeal of delight. When he brought her back up, he said, “Are you glad you came?”
Nodding, she said, “You were right. It’s been a wonderful day.”
“Yes, it has,” Zane answered. “Now, how about we say our goodbyes so you can get me out of this ugly tuxedo?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I kind of like it. The ruffles on your shirt really do it for me.”
They laughed, kissed, and then let go of each other.Holding hands, they started for the door of the ballroom, only to be stopped by some music executive whose name meant nothing to Sienna. The two men struck up a conversation about an old guitar the executive found at an auction. Unable to contain her boredom, Sienna slipped away to the ladies’ room.
She was standing at the mirror reapplying lipstick when a cloud of yellow appeared at the sink next to her. She froze in place as if perhaps she could make herself invisible if she stood perfectly still.
“Having a nice time?” Angela asked as she scrubbed her hands. Her tone was light, her expression neutral.
“Yes, thank you.” Sienna didn’t dare ask the question back. She was smart enough to avoid that trap.
“Good. I’m glad.”
Sienna stared at her in the mirror with an expression that asked if she meant it.
She nodded. “I don’t hate you, you know.”
“You don’t?”
Shaking her head, she said, “No. I pity you.”
