“Do you think they were scared the world was ending, or did they believe it was a gift from the heavens?”
“I think they glanced up and shrugged because they were too exhausted to wonder about it.” He was quiet for a moment, then he said, “Um, one of the things I learned when I was in rehab was that I never let people in. Not all the way. There’s a part of me that’s hurting and pushes people who try to love me away, and I think I did that with you.” He blew out again. “I know I did. And I’m sorry for that. I didn’t give us a chance, and I think maybe if I had, we could’ve really been something.”
Her heart felt like it might crack into thousands of tiny pieces, and she shook her head, even though he couldn’t see her. “I did the same thing, Mike. I kept a stupid wall up the entire time. I built up a ridiculous story about being in love with Zane, which wasn’t true at all. I didn’t love him. I loved the idea of him.”
“And what’s the idea of him?” he asked with a hint of sarcasm.
“Oh, I don’t know. Someone to write songs with, to share all that creative energy I have inside. But it was all in my head. Sometimes he was nice to me, and I took that as something it wasn’t.”
“He was nice to you when I was being an asshole.”
“Yeah, occasionally, but I should’ve just told you what I needed instead of hoping to get it somewhere else.”
“And I should’ve held you tight and been good to you. I should’ve been a man who deserved to be with a woman like you.”
Tears filled Claudia’s eyes, and she let them flow. “Thank you for saying that. It’s what I needed to hear, even though until this moment, I had no idea I needed to hear it.”
She heard him sniff and wondered if maybe he was crying too. Tough-as-nails, gruff Mike. When he spoke, he removed all doubt. “I miss you, Claud.”
“I miss you too. I miss what we were on our best days. I miss boring married couple nights the most.” She silently willed him to get in his car and drive to her. Or better yet, ask her to come to him. Away from the mess and the loneliness. Away from her uncertain future. But he didn’t say anything, and she knew he was fighting the impulse to do exactly that. Finally, she said, “A whole year?”
“Yup.”
“What day will that be?”
“July twenty-fourth.”
Her heart pounded. She thought about the good times between them—lounging in bed while he traced pictures on her back with his finger and she guessed what they were, strolling on the beach while the sun was setting. All those moments with just the two of them, relaxed and happy. She was suddenly sure that if they both tried, they could make it work this time. “I can wait.”
“Nah, don’t wait, Claud. I’m not worth it.”
Wiping away her tears, she said, “Yes. You really are.”
“You don’t know me. Not like this.” He sniffed. “I’m a bit of a head case.”
“Who isn’t?”
“You’re not. And this is much harder than I thought it would be. There are days when I can’t stand being in my own skin.” He sighed, then said, “Listen, I gotta go before I do something stupid like inviting you over. Happy new year, Claudia.”
“Happy new year, Mike. I’ll see you in July.”
“I hope so.”
JANUARY 21, 1996
SIENNA
There are some phone calls that have a different ring, even though it sounds exactly like the ring of a telemarketer selling carpet cleaning or your teenage daughter’s best friend calling to decide whether to tell Justin in gym class that she likes him ‘like more than a friend.’ These other calls—the ones that will change your life forever, and usually not in a good way—immediately fill you with dread even though you have no idea why.
This particular call would set off a chain of events that would permanently change their lives, and Sienna knew it by the way the hair on the back of her neck stood up as she reached for the phone on her bedside table. It was a little after ten o’clock. She and Zane were going to bed early after a long Saturday at Universal Studios with the kids. They’d gone on a whim, having discovered the evening before that none of the kids had any activities the next day. It was their New Year’s resolution—to make as many memories as theycould as a family. After all, what was the use of all that money if all they did was sit around watching the boob tube together?
Poppy had passed out on the ride home, and they worked together to carefully change her into her pajamas, wash her face and hands with a warm washcloth and tuck their little girl (who was most definitely pretending to be asleep at that point) into bed. Zane and Sienna stood together in the doorway to her room, arms wrapped around each other as they watched their youngest child lay there with her eyes closed. It was pure bliss. Happiness. All the things they tell you having children will be.
She was tempted to answer the phone and hang up immediately before she could hear whatever bad news was about to be unleashed on them. But that would be ridiculous. Whoever it was would call right back. So, she sat on the edge of the bed and answered. “Hello?”
There was silence, then a single sniff. “Sienna, Mike… he…” Dean’s voice faded out and he sobbed.
“Oh no, what happened?”
