“Sure. Anytime is fine, obviously. I mean, it’s not my house, so…”
There was a long pause, then finally, Mike said, “I need to make a lot of changes if I’m going to stay sober.”
“Like what?” she asked, her voice so quiet she barely heard it herself.
“Honestly, I have no idea,” he answered with a little chuckle that said he was annoyed with himself. “I’ll have another couple of months to figure that out, and one of my therapists will help me make a plan.”
“Sounds smart.”
“Yeah, these guys know what they’re doing. They’ve seen it all.”
“I bet.” Claudia closed her eyes, wishing he was there so she could hold him. He sounded vulnerable. Real. Not at all like the tattooed guitar player with a massive ego and all that false bravado. “Is it okay if I tell you I miss you?”
“Probably not.”
They both laughed quietly, then she said, “I suppose not. What if I say I’m proud of you for doing this and I know you’re exactly where you need to be to get healthy?”
“That sounds safe enough.”
“In that case, I’m proud of you, Mike, and I know you’re exactly where you need to be to get healthy.”
“Thank you.”
She took a deep breath, noticing how numb her limbs were. “And I’ll do whatever it takes to support you, even if that means being gone when you get home.”
“No, I… I don’t want that. Unless you want to be gone. If that’s what you need, you should go.”
“I don’t know what I need. Right now, I’m just very confused.”
“If you do stay, everything would need to be different.”
“I don’t care if I ever have another drink again,” she answered, knowing that was a lie. She’d never been on stage sober, and she had no idea if she could do it. Not that she’d likely ever be on stage with them again.
“I appreciate that, Claud. You’re a good woman.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Not really. I screwed everything up between us.”
“I can’t help but think that if I had been better to you, maybe you wouldn’t have felt the same way about Zane.”
Claudia’s heart squeezed at his words and a rush of guiltcame over her. The truth was it wouldn’t have mattered. Not one bit. She fell for Zane the moment he appeared on stage next to her at her audition, and there was literally no force in the universe that could have stopped it. “Please, don’t blame yourself for that,” was the only answer she could give without breaking his heart.
“I don’t know what that means, Claud.”
“It means you’ve got too much on your plate right now to think about any of that.”
Another awkward silence followed, then Mike said, “All right, well, my doctor said I’m not to make any big decisions right now anyway. I just wanted to call and apologize.”
“It’s one of the steps, right? Making amends?”
“Yeah, but that’s not why I called,” Mike told her, sounding slightly offended. He blew out some more smoke. “I just needed to hear your voice tonight.”
Tears filled her eyes, and a lump formed in her throat. “It’s good to hear your voice too.”
“I gotta go. We’re supposed to be in bed by ten.”
“Okay. Good night.”
“Love you, Claudia.”
