“I know so,” Sienna said, stopping at the door to her suite. “Now, you go show your man your new look. I need to go make up for lost time with my husband.”
And with that, the queen dismissed the peasant, having finished with her act of service for the year. She had simultaneously ingratiated herself with Claudia in a way that was undeniable (after all, she had spentthe entire daygiving her a complete makeover, and how kind was that?!) while at the same time making Claudia less attractive to the king. There was nothing Claudia could do, no one she could tell who would understand what really happened. She’d been played. Just like the rest of the band.
1995
“Lose your dreams and you might lose your mind.” ~ Mick Jagger
JULY 20
MALIBU, CALIFORNIA
CLAUDIA
It was a Thursday evening. Mike and Claudia were having what they called a ‘boring married couple’ night. They spent it on the overstuffed mint green sectional eating Chinese food straight from takeout boxes and watching TV. Boring married couple nights were infinitely better to Claudia than ‘famous rock star party ‘til dawn’ nights. They were just two normal people doing normal people things together—a respite from baggies of cocaine and bottles of Jack.
On nights like this, Mike had a quiet confidence that pulled a disappearing act in any other setting. It was the best version of him—one the world never saw. No chip on his shoulder. No drink in his hand. Nothing to prove. He was just her Mike, relaxed and happy and trusting.
The band had taken a few months off after the grueling, ten-month drama-filled tour. In that time, she’d grown used to this side of him, and she found herself loving him a little more each day. He was quick to laugh and thoughtful,bringing her coffee in bed and making sure the housekeeper stocked up on her favorite snacks.
They were happy here in his breezy mansion on the Malibu coast, overlooking the water and the never-ending Pacific sky. The sounds of the waves rolling in and the call of the seagulls provided the soundtrack to their days, and after six years together, Claudia was still delighted that this was her life now. No scraping together cash to pay her rent, no scrubbing toilets, no piles of laundry with her name on it.
She could picture a life where they had a couple of kids and stayed right there in that big house together, never touring again. Watching their children run on the sand and holding their hands while they hopped the waves and giggled. It wasn’t going to happen though. Mike had been clear about that from the start. At twenty-five, she had made a choice and allowed any thoughts of having a family to be sidelined by her singular focus. But at thirty-one, with the clock ticking down, she had the occasional bout of panic that she was making a terrible mistake. When it happened, she’d remind herself that any woman could be a wife and mother, but only a precious few got to live out a big, juicy dream. Then, she’d happily carry on until it happened again a few months later.
Soon, their peaceful life would be disrupted. In three weeks, the band was set to start recording, and all that awful tension between Mike and Zane would take over again. Moody, hard-drinking rocker Mike would return, and her feelings for Zane would come back, tugging at her soul, no matter how badly she wanted them to go away. Part of her couldn’t wait to get to work. She craved the chaos and creativity of recording. She missed Zane’s voice and that mischievous glint in his eye. But she didn’t miss how he made Mike feel.
They’d get a small taste of what was to come three days from now. Zane and Sienna were hosting a birthday party for little Poppy. It would be crowded and busy and she’d have to be careful not to look at him too long or stand too close.
Since the big, awful fight in Brazil, she’d done her best to seem disinterested in him, but that didn’t mean she didn’t think about Zane far more often than she should. And nothing she could do would erase all that ugliness between the two men. Its echo still followed close behind—a raw, impotent rage Mike could never act on, not without losing everything that mattered to him. If The Vows disbanded, his career would be over. People would say, ‘Who is that guy? I know him from somewhere.’ He was Krist Novoselic to Zane’s Kurt Cobain. So, he would say nothing and do nothing and drink more and take more drugs to numb himself. It was the trade-off he’d made for fame and fortune. She’d made a trade-off too, letting Zane take the credit for her work, keeping it a secret, even from Mike.
Zane was in control. He was taking them all on a wild ride few would ever experience, and the rest of them were holding on for dear life. Claudia knew all of this, and yet she couldn’t see Zane as anything other than heaven-sent. The gods had created him, then lowered him to earth to live among the mortals. She longed to connect with him the way they did when they sat next to each other on the piano bench, legs barely touching, fingers dancing together on the keyboard. And so, she’d been writing songs every day, most of them complete crap, but a couple potentially good enough for the band to use. He’d be expecting another hit from her, and this time, she was hoping she could negotiate a better deal for her writing, maybe even co-writing credits.
She was surprisingly broke for someone with theamount of success she’d had. Not that she was stressed about it. Mike paid for everything, and all that freedom had allowed her to become a thinner, prettier, much better dressed version of herself. Even her bangs were now cooperating, having grown in nicely. For the first time in her life, she liked how she looked when she saw herself in the mirror. Her hair was Rachel from Friends, but her clothes were Phoebe—effortless, flowy, bohemian chic with sleeveless tops that showed off her now-thin arms. She’d never be tall like Sienna. She’d never stop traffic or make a room grow quiet when she entered. But she looked as good as someone like her could, which, as it turned out, was far more attractive than she ever thought she’d be, and it made her realize that anyone who says money can’t buy happiness has never had access to much of it.
Tonight’s happiness was of simple pleasures, available to anyone who could afford spring rolls and dry garlic ribs. She wanted to watch ER, but had already gotten her way onFriends,Seinfeld, andThe Single Guy, so it was only fair to watch48 Hoursinstead. She’d been careful with pouring the wine, keeping the bottles in the kitchen instead of on the marble coffee table to control the flow of alcohol. Too much would mean the evening would end with a crash instead of a bang, and she was definitely in the mood for the latter.
When the show ended, Claudia showered while Mike set up his telescope on the balcony to look at the stars. He had an unexpectedly nerdy side which he attributed to Zane’s father. He once told her if he could live two lives simultaneously, the other one would be as an astronomer. Both would include her.
Claudia was reaching for a towel when Mike opened the door. “Claud! Get dressed, quick! You won’t believe what I found!”
“What? A new planet?” she answered wryly.
He was all lit up, and he grabbed her robe off the hook and handed it to her. “Not a planet. Actually, I don’t know what it is, but it’s bright and it’s moving and it wasn’t there before!” He left the door open and started for the balcony, calling over his shoulder, “Come on! I want you to see it before it disappears!”
She threw on her robe and slid on her fuzzy slippers, then hurried out, grinning to herself about how happy he was. “Okay, professor, what have you got?”
He stepped aside to let her look through the telescope. “Can you see it?”
She looked through the eyepiece, waiting for her vision to adjust to the dark.
“Is it still there?”
After a second, she spotted the faint object. “Oh! Yes! I see it! It really is moving!” Straightening up, she said, “You don’t think it could be a…”
“UFO? No,” he answered. “Most likely it’s an asteroid. But honestly, I think we might be looking at a comet.”
“Probably stupid of me to think it was a UFO.”
“Not at all, my dear. They’re up there somewhere. It’s only a matter of time before we see one,” he said, stepping away from the telescope. “Okay, you keep an eye on it. I need my notebook.” He rushed back inside and grabbed the leather journal off his nightstand. When he returned, he jotted down the coordinates and a quick description of what they saw. Closing the book with a snap, he smiled at her. “Tomorrow morning, I’m going to report it to CBAT.”
