Zane tasted bile, his body feeling like it weighed a thousand pounds. “I have to tell you something.”
9:40 P.M.
SIENNA MCCREIGHT
Sienna sat in the driver’s seat of her Range Rover mindlessly eating a Double Whopper. She knew she’d feel sick by the time she polished off her meal, but she couldn’t seem to stop. She never ate this late, and she certainly never ate Burger King at this hour, but she did eat there once a month—usually right before she got her period. It was a secret ritual of hers. Something she started after she’d come out to the world as a vegetarian. Huge mistake. To announce something like that before a proper test drive. She had given an interview toUS Weeklymagazine shortly after they adopted Billie. “Welcoming thissweetheart into our home has made me think about all the animals in the world who need love. Zane won’t let me adopt them all, so I’ve decided to stop eating meat forever.”
Idiot.
Being vegetarian was impossible for someone raised on grade-A Montana beef. Sienna longed for a medium-rare steak piled with fried mushrooms or ribs smothered in sauce all summer during barbecue season, and Thanksgiving would never be the same without the turkey. But it wasn’t only that. She hated how she felt like her head was fuzzy all the time, like her brain was in dire need of something you can only get from a juicy piece of meat. So every four weeks, she’d don a pair of sunglasses and a baseball cap, then drive to Reseda, where she would order the same thing—a Double Whopper with cheese, fries, and a chocolate shake. She would park in the back corner of the parking lot, eat the entire thing, then quickly step outside to deposit all the evidence into the trash bin. After that, she’d drive home with the windows rolled down to get rid of the smell. Then she pulled into their driveway, back to her life of being a sanctimonious vegetarian, setting a ‘good example’ for the world.
She’d gone on her Burger King run three days earlier, but tonight she let herself do it again. She was starving, having not eaten since seven that morning, when she’d had a Slim-Fast strawberry shake and half a grapefruit. The rest of the day had gone by without a single thought of food.
Her sole focus was on how her life would forever be divided into two parts. Before Zane told her and after. And here she had believed everything was getting better between them. She’d just been saying to her best friend, Kylie, the week before, “Zane is a changed man. I don’t know whathappened. Maybe it’s a midlife crisis or something, but he’s different now. He’s the husband I always knew he could be.”
Kylie had given her a skeptical look, and Sienna could tell her friend thought she should probe a little to find out what had brought on such a change. But Sienna didn’t want to know. She would do what she had always done with her husband. She’d take him as he was, because that was what marriage was all about. Unconditional love. Accepting your partner for who they were, not who you wanted them to be.
But this? This was too much. He’d fathered a child with someone Sienna had thought was a friend. Well, maybe not a friend, but an ally, anyway. Claudia was someone she’d invited into their home on numerous occasions. A confidant who knew how hard it was to have her husband leave so often. How lonely it could be. How much the kids missed their dad and how exhausting it was to fill in for him. And Claudia had been so sympathetic, so sweet that Sienna was certain she had Sienna’s back when they were out on the road.
Only that wasn’t the case, was it?
When was the last time she saw Claudia? Was she already pregnant? Had the affair started? She couldn’t piece it together right now. Her brain was too exhausted. She needed to eat. Then it would come to her.
Her cell phone rang, but she ignored it. A few seconds later, it beeped to let her know she had a message. She flipped it open and listened to her sorry-sounding husband as his voice cracked and wobbled.Babe, I got the kids to bed. Well, Ivy might be up. I’m not sure. But she’s in her room, anyway. I want to see if you’re okay. I mean … I know you’re not, but I want to make sure you’re safe. Oh, God, I love you so much. Come home so I can make you a grilled cheese and we can talk. Oryou can slap me until you don’t hate me anymore. I’ll do anything to make this right.
She snorted.Make this right.
“Not possible, jackass,” she muttered with her mouth full.
When she’d come into the house that morning and saw his face, she knew what he was about to say. After two decades with someone, words weren’t necessary. Entire conversations could be held with expressions and grunts andhmphsalone. But this was still shocking enough to cause her legs to give out. Zane caught her before she hit the travertine tile floor and helped her over to the loveseat. She loathed herself, both for being that weak and for letting him help her. She should have been stoic. Strong.Don’t touch me. Ever again.
That’s how she’d imagined she’d be in that moment, on the odd occasion she’d let her mind go down this road. After all, it’s not like she hadn’t wondered if he was unfaithful. It was practically expected with a man like him. And that’s what people would say—all the women in salons flipping through gossip rags. ‘Of coursehe was cheating. He’s a rock star. What do you think they do when they’re on the road six months at a time with women throwing their panties onto the stage every night?’
They wouldn’t be wrong. She could’ve guessed. She could’ve come right out and asked him, even once. But she hadn’t, because she didn’t want to know. Because knowing would put her exactly where she was right now. With an awful choice to make. She was going to wind up like her mother.
‘She should leave his ass. If she has any self-worth at all. Kick him to the curb!’
It wasn’t as easy as all that. Not when children wereinvolved. Not when she was supposed to grow old as half of one of the world’s most glamorous couples. Trudie and Sting. Goldie and Kurt. Sienna and Zane.
Her eyes filled with tears, and she swiped them off the tops of her cheeks, furious at them for daring to appear again. Shouldn’t she have finished crying by now? It’s what she had done all day. She cried and raged and threw things and slammed doors—all things Sienna never did. She asked him the worst of all questions. The one that makes you nauseous while you wait for the answer.
The fight had moved to their en suite when she had tried to get away from him, but Zane had followed her. “Are you in love with her?”
His denial was swift, loud, and he repeated it until his words looped back around and she was sure it was a yes. “No, not at all. Not even for a second. It wasn’t an affair or anything. It just …happened. We were both overcome with grief. I wasn’t thinking straight. You saw me. I could barely stand up that night.”
She snorted. “You certainly managed to rally though, didn’t you?”
He dropped his shoulders and sighed. His voice was quiet. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry won’t fix it,” she snapped, her body shaking with fury.
“No, of course it won’t. Sorry,” he said. “Shit. Sorry. But the answer is no. I don’t love her. How could I ever love anyone but you? You’re perfect. You’re the love of my life. I’ll never want another woman, I swear?—”
“Oh, shut up! Justshut up!I can’t stand hearing your stupid voice! Not for one more second!” She yanked off her wedding ring, scraping skin off her finger. Then she threw it at her husband’s shocked face, flesh and all.
And there he sat on the ledge of the soaker tub with a five-carat diamond stuck in his beard. If it were any other moment, she would find it funny. Hilarious, even. And so would he. Because they could always laugh together. It was one of the things that made themthem. But they’d never be them again, would they? And that thought, along with the sight of a red gash up her finger, made her scream at him for making her hurt herself.
She watched him fish the ring out of his blond beard, hating him with every cell in her body. “And you know what else? You’re not fooling anyone with that stupid, scratchy beard! Everyone knows you have a double chin now!”
