“Not once, and Elliott is already six weeks old. Face it. Zane doesn’t care about him. And he doesn’t care about you.”
Claudia used her palm to stop her tears. “You don’t know that. It’s complicated. He’s got a family.”
“Claudia, please, you know it too. Zane’s not going to leave her.”
“Well, she might leave him.”
“Did she say she was planning to leave him?”
Claudia thought back to the moment when she and Sienna had finally got to the heart of the matter that morning. Dean had taken over the conversation and was draftingup a plan, his eyes shining and his words quick, in the way they were when he was excited. The question kept coming up in Claudia’s mind, over and over until she couldn’t stop it from bursting out of her. “Are you doing this to save your marriage?”
Sienna gave her a blank look, and Claudia could tell she was playing her best hand of poker. “What makes you ask that? Do you still want him after all this?”
Claudia nodded. “As pathetic as that makes me.”
“You’ve been in love with him from the beginning, haven’t you?”
Turning her gaze to her son, she said, “Yes.”
Sienna sniffed, and Claudia couldn’t tell if she was disgusted or emotional. “I haven’t decided yet, but if I want him back, he’ll come, which should tell you everything you need to know about where you stand.”
Claudia sat staring at her, too numb to feel the pain of her words.
Sienna’s expression hardened. “We’re not the same, you and me. When I had Zane’s children, he was right next to me, holding my hand. He cried happy tears because he wanted our babies so much. I didn’t take a cab home from the hospital because he was there in the driver’s seat. Our children weren’t an unfortunate mistake.”
But now, gripping the phone in her hand, Claudia brushed the memory aside. “She said she hadn’t decided yet.”
“And if she does throw him out for good, you’ll be happy to take her castoffs?”
“Yes, Mom,” she answered, her voice shaking. “If it meant a life with Zane, I’d happily take her castoffs.”
“Oh, Claudia, stop kidding yourself. If Zane were in love with you, he would’ve already left her.”
“It’s not as easy as that. His family’s at stake, and so is the band. If he wants to be with us, he’ll have to do everything very carefully. It could take years even, but I’d wait.”
Her mom sighed in place of a lecture.
“What if hedoeslove me back, but he just doesn’t know it yet? What if he wakes up one day and realizes he wants to make a life with me, but we’ve already gone and told the world this big, stupid lie? Then what?”
“Then nothing. If some miracle happened, and you and Zane ended up together, Elliott would wind up calling him dad anyway. You wouldn’t even have to tell him about the birth certificate. And whatever publicity you get for this now will die off by the time he’s old enough to understand,” Doreen said. “But it won’t happen. You need to accept that and take the deal they’re offering. It’s the only option that doesn’t end in you scraping by your entire life.”
“You’re wrong. It could happen,” she said, feeling herself grow stronger. “He chose me. All those years ago, out of hundreds of other women.”
“Because you could sing.”
“That wasn’t the only reason. I know it.”
“No, it wasn’t. But it certainly wasn’t because he wanted you to be his next wife.”
SEPTEMBER 1989
CLAUDIA
“Name and what song you’re doing today.”
Claudia squinted to see past the spotlight shining in her eyes. A man was sitting at a table in front of rows of redvelvet theater chairs. Her brain told her he was Phil Collins, which made her heart pound quickly. But then she realized there was no waythatwas true. This man was stockier and looked like he could throw a decent punch. The face was bang-on though, with its stretched-out width and square feel to it, and lips that sat in a straight line. He and Phil also shared the same two cul de sacs of missing hair on either side of their foreheads.
She remembered who he was—the manager of The Vows. Don or Dean or Dave, maybe? She’d seen him on TV at the Grammys when the band won album of the year, and Zane made a big speech about how much they needed him. He had a huge grin that night which was notably absent today. Today, he looked like he wanted to lay on the couch and watch football.
