“Thank you. I appreciate it, but that’s not why I brought it up.” Jess walked over and sat on the bed next to her. “Grandma told me you went to her to ask for money, which means you must have started to worry that I would actually go to law school.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m just wondering what made you start to worry.”
Winnie’s face screwed up in confusion, so Jess explained. “It’s just that you said you weren’t worried, but then you must have thought you had good reason to, if you went to Grandma for money.”
“I don’t know. I guess I just saw how hard you were working, and I figured you might just be able to get in.”
Jess smiled down at her, satisfied with her answer.
“Plus, I looked up your LSAT score on the internet. Did you know you were in the top, like, five percent in the entire country?”
Chuckling, Jess said, “That’s what I was trying to tell you guys. Your mom is no dumb bunny.”
“I know you’re not,” Winnie said, sitting up and crossing her legs. “You’ve always been smart. I mean, especially compared to most of my friends’ moms. I’m pretty sure Sierra’s mom doesn’t read anything other than the captions on her TikTok feed.”
Jess bit back the lecture on not judging people. After all, her daughter was offering her a rare compliment. “I hope you know you’re whip-smart too. And every bit as determined as your mother.”
“Thanks.”
“I mean it, Winnie. You can do anything you set your mind to. And I meananything.” Jess got up and brushed Winnie’s hair off her forehead. “I should let you get your homework done.”
Winnie looked up at her. “Why didn’t you go to law school? I mean, when you were young? Why’d you stop wanting to go for it?”
Jess glanced up at the ceiling for a second, trying to decide how to answer. “Honestly? I think it was a combination of reasons. Well, excuses, really. It was partly my need to please others and partly pride. I was so busy trying to prove I was the best mother and wife out there, that I forgot about myself. The funny thing is, I don’t know who I thought I was proving it to, because I doubt anybody else cared at all. But, I did it anyway, and after doing it long enough, I forgot I had the potential to be anything other than a mom and a wife.”
Winnie chewed on her bottom lip, in that way she did when she was deep in thought. “No offense, but I never want to be either of those things.”
Jess dropped a kiss on her daughter’s forehead. “It’s perfectly okay if you don’t want to get married and have kids. But if someday, you find yourself in love with someone you want to build a life with, I hope you won’t do what I did. Don’t ever give up on yourself. Because you, Winnie Hilary Halloway, have got infinite potential.”
Winnie smiled up at Jess. “Thanks, Mom.”
“I only speak the truth,” she said, turning to leave.
When she got to the door, she glanced back at her daughter, who was already laying down, scribbling away in her notebook/binder. Her heart tugged, knowing she wouldn’t be able to see this sight for much longer. And that was exactly as it should be. Even if it hurt.
27
“I’m not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb ... and I also know I’m not blonde.”
~ Dolly Parton
Jess sat at a table near the back of the room, the LSAT booklet face-down in front of her. A sense of calm had come over her on the drive to the college. Confidence she didn’t know she had appeared. She knew in her gut she would do well. She’d done the work to prepare. She was ready. And best of all, she was competing against her twenty-year-old self today, not the other nine people in the room, nor the thousands of other potential law students who would sit in rooms like this one across America that year.
As much as she didn’t relish the idea of sitting on this hard plastic chair for the next nearly-four hours, she was going to do it, if for no other reason than to prove to herself she could. Jessica’s chest swelled with pride. She had done it. She took a risk. She worked hard. She had learned huge swaths of material in a very short time. She could trust herself—trust that her brain would work hard, grow new connections, and let her show up for whatever challenges were set in front of her. Because if she could do this, she could learn and do anything.
It wasn’t too late. She wasn’t too old, and she never would be. She suddenly felt wise—as if the answers to life’s biggest questions had been stored somewhere inside her all along, and she had finally unlocked the cabinet. She would find ways to fill up her life and do things that mattered to her. She would leave her mark on the world—in fact, she had been all along without realizing it. But she had so much more to do, and the thought of it thrilled her. She was thrilled about living again—the possibilities stretched out before her. But first, she had to get through the test, which would start in four minutes and thirty-two seconds.
Jess looked over at Lewis, who was to her left, looking like he might vomit. She offered him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. You’re ready.”
“I thought I was until I woke up this morning,” he told her.
“That’s just nerves,” she said. “You know this stuff. I’ve had some insight into how your mind works and I can tell you, you know what to do. Besides, it’s just one test. Big deal.”
“It’s the most important test of my entire life,” he said.
Jess shook her head. “Not even close.”
