“Sure.”
An hour later, the grannies went next door for some tea. Everyone except Betty, who was finishing up her plate. She had to ‘jet’ by four because she had a hot date. It was just the two of them in the shop, and Jess was grateful to have about a half hour of quiet. See? This gratitude thing wasn’t so hard. She had just come up with something off the cuff. She was well on her way to living her best life.
“Gratitude journal?” Betty asked.
Jess started, not expecting Betty to be so close. “Yes, something like that,” she answered, her cheeks flaming with embarrassment.
“Hmph. I think those things are bullshit.”
Jess let out a laugh, then recovered quickly. “Really?”
Nodding, she said, “Yeah, your generation has this whole ‘be happy every minute of the day’ thing going on. It’s a huge mistake.”
Jess closed the book. “What makes you say that?”
“Because it’s not possible.” Betty picked up the book, examining the cover—a drawing of a mouse looking up at the sky. Underneath it, it read:Keep your eyes on the sun, and you won’t see the shadows. Betty snorted. “You also won’t see the cracks in the sidewalk and you’ll trip.” She shook her head and set the book back down on the counter. “You’re setting yourself up for failure, which will only make you feel like a bigger loser.”
Feeling more than a little defensive, Jess said, “I don’t know. I think it’s good to train our minds to look for the positives.”
The older woman shrugged. “But what if there isn’t anything positive?”
“There’s always something good, even when things feel hopeless or awful or mundane.”Wasn’t there?That had to be true, because if it wasn’t, Jess wouldn’t know what to do.
“No there isn’t.” Betty said it as though it was a fact. “Sometimes life just plain sucks and there’s nothing you can do other than ride it out.”
“But there’s no harm in looking for the silver lining, is there?”
“Sure there is. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself to feel great all the time. It’s not realistic,” she said, pulling off her glasses and wiping them on the bottom corner of her jean shirt. “At least that’s how it was for me when I tried all that crap. I’d wind up feeling worse instead of better. Like as if there was something wrong with me. Really, I had just lost my husband and my son had moved to London. I wassupposedto feel lost and empty and sad.” Sliding her glasses back into place, she looked down at Jess with a piercing stare. “What’s wrong with you anyway?”
“Excuse me?”
“The book. What’s so wrong that you need to look for reasons to smile.”
“Nothing. Everything’s fine,” Jess told her. “Good, really. Well, not every moment is a party. My kids fight a lot. They’re fifteen and seventeen. But we have enough money, there’s always food in the fridge, and we have our health, so…”
“So that ought to be enough?” Betty asked with a wry smile that made Jess’s face heat up again.
“Apparently. First world problems and all that.”
Tsking, Betty shook her head. “It’s okay to not be okay, you know.”
Her words hit Jess like a slap of cool water on a hot day. A lump formed in her throat. “Is it?” she asked, afraid of the answer.
“Yup. Sure is. In fact, it’s normal. Everyone feels like a crapbag some of the time. And that’s a fact. Anyone who tells you different is either lying or selling expensive vitamins.”
Jess chuckled. “That’s probably good advice. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Betty stared at her for a second, then added, “You’re going through that midlife thing. It’s hard.”
“Midlife? I’m notthatold.”
Betty patted her hand. “You’re not that young either. That’s why it’s called midlife. You’re what? Forty-eight?”
Jessica’s mouth flattened into a line. “Forty-six.”
Shrugging, Betty said, “Pretty much the same thing. I’m not sure if anyone has told you this or not, but this is the age when a lot of people start to wonder what the hell they’ve been doing with their lives, and if they don’t like the answer, their life starts to feel like undies that are two sizes too small.”
Offering a conciliatory nod, Jess said, “Yeah, I guess there’s a bit of that happening.”
