“But I’m not as good as you at managing finances or math or trivia. I only have a college degree whereas you have your masters…You joke about it all the time, Mike. And after twenty years of subtly being told you’re stupid, you start to believe it.”
“Do you actually think I’d tease you about something I thought was true? Am I really that much of an asshole?”
“I don’t…I honestly don’t know anymore. There was a time I never would have thought that of you, but after Thanksgiving...”
He stared at her, his eyes narrowed. “So I make one mistake and it erases twenty years?”
“It’s bigger than that one thing. It’s how we set our entire life up. It’s been so lopsided and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t.”
“So where does this leave us?”
“I don’t know.”
“Help me out here, Jess, because I really want to fix this, but I don’t know how.”
She stared at him, her entire body going numb with what she was about to say. “I don’t know if I want to fix this.”
She might as well have slapped him across the face. Mike’s head snapped back and he blew out a shaky breath, then muttered, “Wow. I did not see that coming. Look who’s the stupid one now.”
24
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
~ Oprah Winfrey
It was the last day of her prep class, and in exactly eight days, she was going to take the LSAT. She, along with Lewis and Tina, would all take it together the following Friday. The others had decided to book in March after Nina had suggested that they give themselves more time. Jess wasn’t sure if Nina hadn’t told her to wait because she actually thought she was ready to take the test, or because she knew that Jess had about twenty years of lost time to make up. She hoped, more than believed, it was the first one.
After class tonight, the study group was going out for drinks. Out for drinks after nine on a Thursday night? Yes, please! As exhausted as she was, Jess was up for it. She had packed a pair of dark bootcut jeans that showed off her curves and a black cashmere front wrap sweater with a plunging neckline. She’d be Young, Fun Jess tonight, even if it did mean she’d feel like she was about a hundred-and-two tomorrow morning. She was part of the gang again, just like she’d been in college, and it felt good to be included. Especially since she was so alone in her own home.
Mike had been little more than a ghost in her life since their last failed attempt at talking. She’d gone over their conversation in her mind a hundred times, each time feeling a wave of nausea when she’d remember the part about not being sure if she wanted to fix things. The look on his face haunted her. She couldn’t have set out to hurt him more if she had tried. That hadn’t been her goal, not at all. She wasn’t angry at him anymore, like she had been after Thanksgiving. She was scared of letting him in. But the more she thought about what he’d said about knowing she was smart, the more she worried that she’d gotten the whole thing wrong.
But that couldn’t be the case. After all, he’d said those awful things to the kids, so he must have doubted her. But maybe she had too…
Aaron interrupted her latest round of stewing. “Say, Jess, I’m afraid I need you to run out and pick up some legal pads. I didn’t realize how low I was getting, but I just used my last sheet.”
She smiled and got up from her desk. “I noticed you were getting low, so I ordered more.”
Walking over to the supply closet, she opened it to reveal the now neatly organized space.
“Holy crap. Is that the same closet?” he asked, taking a few steps closer.
“Looks good, right?”
“Good? I want to live in there.”
Jess laughed as she pulled out a legal pad and handed it to Aaron.
“No, seriously. You should see my house. It’s a total disaster.”
She almost offered to come by and help, but then decided against it. It was one thing to go rooting around in his drawers at work, but it would be an entirely different thing to offer to do it in his home. “I also set up a reminder to do a quarterly supply inventory and order. Eventually, we’ll have a pretty good idea of how much you use, so we’ll be able to set up a subscription service, which will save you roughly five percent on your supplies. But until I have the data, we’ll do it this way.”
Aaron grinned at her. “Have I mentioned how much I’m dreading you going to law school?”
You’re not the only one. “You’ll be fine. I’ll have you so organized by the time I leave, you’ll barely notice I’m not here.”
“I wouldn’t bet on it.” He stared at her for a second, then said, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. I know I said I’d teach you more about the law itself, and I feel like I’ve really fallen down on that lately.”
“That’s all right. We’ve both been too busy for that anyway.”
