“Seriously?”
“Yeah, she said it literally takes up her whole car. She can’t even see out the back window.”
“Yikes. That’s kind of sad.”
“Right?”
“They probably figure they’ll never have to learn those skills,” Diana said. “They’ll just ride it out until they make the kind of money that allows them to pay someone to do it for them.”
“Maybe. But can you imagine going your whole life being dependent on someone like that?”
“No, I can’t. These poor young people, leaving home without knowing how to look after themselves,” Di added. “Being an adult is hard enough when you know how to do all the adulting.”
“Agreed. I feel bad for them.” In fact, Jess felt so bad, she decided she was going to write out the instructions for the meal she made them. Maybe when they saw how easy it was, they’d be willing to give it a try. She could be starting them down the path to actually being adults. The thought excited her.
“Not to change the topic, but how are you and Mike doing?”
Jess groaned, her stomach clenching. “Still the same.”
Diana let out a sigh. “Oh Jess, I’m sorry.”
“The longer we go like this, the less sorry I am,” Jess said, making the left-hand turn into Union Hill. “I don’t know. I just … can’t seem to get past what he said to the kids. Actually, if I’m honest, I don’t want to get past it.”
“Oh Jess, I know you’re really hurt, but up until very recently, you two have had a pretty happy life together.”
“Sure, when I was busy being the little wifey, at home cooking and cleaning and taking care of him.” Jess knew she was broaching a touchy subject, so she added, “The truth is, Di, I’m afraid that his opinion of me matters more than it should. It’s like, all these years,hisview of me has become my own. I used to know I was smart.”
“Youaresmart.”
“Yeah, but somewhere along the way, I stoppedfeelinglike I was. And now that I’m just starting to believe in myself again, I’m scared that making up with him will send me back to thinking I’m not…cut out for any of this.” What she didn’t say was that deep down she knew she didn’t want to do any of this. The more she studied and worked for Aaron, the less she enjoyed the law. But she couldn’t admit that. Not even to her best friend. Not after taking a stand and upsetting her family.
“Hmph, that’s tricky.”
Sighing, Jess said, “It really is. As much as I wish we weren’t in this awful limbo right now, it feels necessary somehow. For me to get myself back again.”
“Are you sure there isn’t a way to do that without risking your marriage?”
“No, I’m not sure.” And even worse, she wasn’t sure she cared.
She pulled onto her street and slowed when she reached her driveway. “I’m home. I should let you go.”
“Okay, have a good night. I hope things get better.”
“Thanks.”
After she hung up, Jessica thought about how she’d said thanks instead of what she normally would have, which was ‘me too.’ The truth was, she didn’t know if she wanted things to get better between her and Mike. Maybe her life would be much better if they didn’t.
23
“When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
~ Rita Rudner
That Thursday night, Jessica dragged herself through the door just after ten o’clock. Her arms were loaded down with her handbag, her briefcase, and a heavy box containing the now-dirty crockpot, bowls, and spoons. She had made good on her promise to feed the group, having gotten up extra early to make garlic Parmesan chicken stew with lots of vegetables (because she was certain none of them were getting their daily five). It had cooked all day on the counter next to the coffee pot, and she’d sent Aaron home with some in hopes he wouldn’t mind her making the office smell like a kitchen.
She was exhausted but she was also pleased with how well the meal had gone over. The hungry crew ate every last bite, and Belle had even teared up, then laughed at herself, saying she never in a million years would have thought she’d miss being mothered. Jacob told her he wished his mother was as cool as she was.Cool. Her, Jessica Halloway. She wished her ungrateful children could have heard Jacob—a handsome, confident twenty-one-year-old pre-law student—call their mom cool.
When they all left for the night, the group lingered in the classroom with her and Nina and thanked her again for supper. She had made a difference in their lives, even if it was just a simple meal. She’d given them the instructions and after she explained how easy it was, they all seemed enthusiastic about the idea. The thought sent a little jolt of happiness through her. Maybe she could have it all and do it all. Who’s to say she couldn’t? She could be one of those glamorous women who dressed up for work, then made gourmet meals when she got home, sipping wine and listening to Andrea Bocelli, instead of sipping Coke and watchingToo Hot to Handlewhile she cooked. Yes, she was tired, but it was a Thursday night, and she was usually tired by Thursday. But unlike her life before she made the leap, she was exhaustedandhappy.
