It was a drizzly Saturday morning. Jessica was on her way to the dog wash, her trunk filled with old towels that already smelled musty to her. It was the very last thing she wanted to do, right behind getting a mammogram and being accosted by those people selling cream from the Dead Sea at the mall.
Since she woke up, Jess had been kicking herself about not saying no. Such a simple word. No—which, according to Rachael was a full sentence. Winnie, who was not doing her community service hours, in spite of what Jess had written to Blaire, was smart enough to refuse to go. Jess had been thoroughly annoyed with her at the time, and had even gone so far as to pull out the old, ‘I’m not angry, I’m disappointed’ tactic. Not that it made a difference. That trick had stopped working sometime around her buying Winnie’s first training bra.
If Jess had taken a page out of her daughter’s book, she’d still be in bed. Actually, that wasn’t true. She’d be hurrying around the house collecting dirty laundry, cleaning, and tidying, all of which she was going to have to do when she got home in eight hours. Tomorrow would be meal planning, grocery shopping, preparing some meals to take over to Lilian and Michael’s, more laundry, and doing at least two modules of her on-line portion of the course.
Why hadn’t she told the PTA she was out for the rest of the year? In retrospect, it seemed so stupid now—to let her sense of pride make her decisions for her. Or maybe it wasn’t pride at all. Maybe it was guilt. Yes, that was it. She’d changed the game on her family without any warning and she couldn’t bear the thought of doing that to the PTA too, even if it would mainly be awful Blaire who’d be disappointed. But there would be others too. What would they all think of reliable, giving Jessica Halloway if she said no to spending an entire day washing other people’s flea-infested, possibly bitey dogs?
They’d think she’d turned into a bitch. Or worse,flighty. No, she’d put a smile on her face and get the job done, like she always had. She’d keep her promise and prove, once again, how dependable she was.
So, she was exhausted to the point of tears. So what? Lots of people had much harder lives than hers. Some women worked two minimum wage full-time jobs just to keep the lights on and food on the table. She was weary because she was embarking on an exciting new chapter of her life. It was a choice, and choices were a luxury a lot of women didn’t have.
But, oh God, was she tired. Her brain had started rejecting new information a few days ago, unable to add even one more tiny bit of new knowledge. On Thursday night, she almost drove home, instead of to class, needing to just drop into bed and watch TV, or better yet, go straight to sleep at seven o’clock. But she hadn’t. She couldn’t very well skip a course that was costing a small fortune. What wouldthatsay to her children? Or to herself, for that matter. Instead, she’d gone to class. She didn’t remember a thing Nina taught them, but she’d taken careful (if not messy) notes and promised herself to learn it later.
What had happened to having boundless energy when you were living the life you were meant to have? In retrospect, she may have been wrong about that. Maybe even if you were chasing your dreams, you could still get worn out. Nina did tell her it was going to be so much harder than she thought. This must have been what she meant.
She pulled into the PetLove parking lot and chose the stall next to Blaire Pritchard’s Lexus SUV. Patricia Johnson was already there, standing next to her mini-van waving at Blaire with an adoration that Jess would never understand.Poor, pathetic Patricia, so desperate for Blaire’s approval.
Jess allowed a tiny scowl to escape as she remembered Blaire’s email about how she was going to ‘pop by for a few minutes to see to it that they got off to a good start.’ That was Blaire speak for ‘tell you what to do and how to do it because I’m certain you’re incompetent.’ She plastered her smile on and got out of her car, opening the tailgate to reveal four garbage bags stuffed with towels.
“Jess, I’m so glad you could make it. You’re an absolute lifesaver,” Blaire told her with that condescending smile Jess would have loved to slap off her face. Blaire also opened her back hatch. “Here are the towels I found,” she said, holding the neatly folded pile out to Jess.
Jess glanced in the back of Blaire’s vehicle, only to spot a gym bag and a yoga mat neatly rolled up. Then she noticed Blaire’s pants. Lululemons. She wasn’t going home to work. She was going to work out. The bitch.
Fury swelled in Jessica’s chest. Red hot rage.
“Here,” Patricia said, taking the towels from Blaire. “I’ve got them.”
Jess glared at the yoga mat, her blood pumping so hard, she could hear it in her ears. Blaire, who clearly noticed her expression and what she was focused on, pushed the button, looking slightly panicked while the hatch made its slow descent.
Jess looked up at Blaire. “Heading to yoga?”
Blaire shook her head. “Oh, no. Not yoga.Pilates. I do those horrid reformer classes every Saturday morning. They cost an absolute fortune, so I really can’t afford to miss one.” Blaire let out an awkward little laugh, and Patricia laughed along too, although Jess was pretty sure she had no idea why she was laughing. “Yoga’s cheap. If it were yoga, I’d totally skip it.”
“You can’t miss your reformer class,” Patricia said. “It’ssogood for you. With all the stress you’re under.”
That was it. She was done. No more. Just no. Jess blinked a couple of times, feeling as if her brain had disconnected from her body. When she spoke, her tone was so icy, it could’ve lowered the temperature across the city of Seattle by two degrees. “You know what? I’m afraid I’m going to have to sit this one out.”
“What?” Blaire asked.
“I have to leave now. I’m not staying.”
Blaire’s head snapped back. “You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, I am,” she said, lifting one of the bags out of the trunk and handing it to Blaire. “I’m deadly serious.”
Patricia’s mouth opened and shut a few times before she said, “But Jess, weneedyou. And you promised to do this.”
“Yes, we need you. You’re my go-to girl,” Blaire said, then quickly added, “Well, you and Patricia.”
Her words caused the hairs on the back of Jessica’s neck to stand up. “Not anymore, I’m afraid.” Jess unloaded the next two bags, setting them on the ground between the two other women. “I’m done being manipulated and guilted and cajoled by you. You’re not the only busy person in the world. I also work full-time, plus I’m preparing for my entrance exams for law school. So, I’m out. Wash the dogs yourself.”
“Is this because I’m going to Pilates? Because if it is, I have to say you’re being completely unreasonable. I assure you, Jess, I have done my part when it comes to this event.”
“She’s done more than anyone,” Patricia put in.
Jess took out the last bag and let it drop to the ground with a satisfying thump. “And I’ve done my part for the last thirteen years. As of this moment, my answer is a hard no. And that’s final. Non-negotiable. Take my name off the email list. I’m out. Find some other sucker.”
With that, she got back in her car and left, with a smile so wide, it made her cheeks hurt. Instead of rushing home, she stopped on the way home at Starbucks for a celebratory pumpkin spice latte and a chocolate croissant. Sitting in an armchair next to the fireplace, she grinned to herself as she licked the chocolate off her fingers. Jessica Halloway had finally learned to say no. And as it turned out, it was one of the greatest feelings in the world.
