“I’m fine with the truth. It’s not like it was my fault or something. I was driving safely. There was nothing I could do.”
“I’m not saying that. It’s just that if it were me, I’d want to downplay it, that’s all.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Because I’m a guy. That’s what we do.”
She let his words hang in the air for a second, near tears because she knew he was going to downplay it until she was back to doing everything she normally did for the family, ready or not. “It was a really bad collision, Mike. I got hit three times. Hard.” Her voice cracked at the memory.
He put his hand on her cheek. “Try not to focus on that. It’ll only make you feel worse.”
“No, it’ll only make you feel worse, but like it or not, you can’t rush me into being healed. That’s not how this works.”
His hand slid away. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Sure it is. You’re already stressed out with work and the kids, and now your mom is sick. The thought of me being unable to function on all cylinders is too much for you right now.”
He flipped onto his back again. “Well, can you blame me?”
Jess closed her eyes and took a deep breath to keep herself from snapping. Her body was now so tense with anger that every muscle seemed to flex at the same time, followed by an immediate sharp full-body pain. When she was finally able to speak again, she said, “I’m just saying that having unrealistic expectations of me right now isn’t going to help anything.”
“Okay, I got it. Don’t worry. I’m not going to ask you for anything. No matter what happens.” His tone was bitter and she knew the ‘what happens’ meant if his mom died suddenly.
Oh my God, how the hell is this about him all of a sudden?Jess closed her eyes again and listened to the sound of Mike’s breathing becoming more rhythmic. In under a minute, he was fast asleep, snoring lightly while she lay next to him, beat up and furious. Silent tears slid into her hair, and this time she didn’t stop them. She just let them come in thin rivers that eventually soaked spots on her pillow. She’d been through hell today. The one thing she needed was for someone to look after her, and other than a cup of tea, she’d gotten nothing from the family she’d devoted the last two decades to. Literally nothing. What was the point of having a family if they weren’t there for you in your darkest hour? Was she put on the planet to serve them and get nothing in return?
As she finally drifted off to sleep, she was comforted by the fact that her mom would be over first thing in the morning. At least she could count on her.
10
“Behind every great woman … is another great woman.”
~ Kate Hodges
Jessica sat propped up in bed with a mug of tea cooling on the nightstand. It was nearly noon and she hadn’t gotten up, other than to use the bathroom. She hadn’t tried to fix things with Mike before he went to work, which left her with a gnawing feeling in her stomach. She hated when they weren’t getting along, but this time, she had to put her foot down. This wasn’t some business dinner he volunteered her to host. This was so much worse. She’d been in a serious collision and needed him to get it. Likereally get it. He was going to have to step up and take over for her. Yes, his mother had had a stroke, which was terrifying. That was true. But according to the doctors (and to Susan, who had called her right after visiting their mom at the hospital earlier that morning), Lilian would be fine. Her risk of another stroke was next to nothing, at least for now. And if she kept up her medication and made some adjustments to her lifestyle, there was no reason for her not to continue on living a healthy life for a long time.
“How’s Mike handling everything?” Susan had asked.
“He’s doing his best,” Jessica told her, not wanting to slag him to his own sister. “A lot dropped on him all in one fell swoop.”
“In other words, he’s being a total baby about it.”
Jessica had laughed too loud at that, and remembering that sound now made her throat feel thick with guilt. She shouldn’t have laughed at her husband, no matter how accurate his sister’s guess had been.
She stared out the window for a minute, listening to the sound of the vacuum cleaner downstairs. Her mom had gotten there a couple of hours ago and was busying herself with laundry and cleaning.Whatever you need. That’s what she had told Jess when she found her lying in bed earlier.There is nothing more important to me than helping you out.
Too bad Mike hadn’t been here to hear that. He’d be ashamed of himself if he had. Maybe he already was. After all, he sent her a text as soon as he got to work:Sorry about last night. I’m afraid it was all too much for me. I hope you can forgive me for being a mere mortal.
That was their private joke. He was a mortal while she was a goddess. It had started with him overhearing a Kira Popowich video she was watching on her phone while she was chopping up a head of broccoli for dinner. He’d started to chide her about it, but as soon as he could see she was getting defensive, he backed off and told her that of course she was a goddess. She was his goddess and he was lucky to have her. Being a mortal and all.
Today, however, his quip chafed her. It felt like an excuse. Besides, it was too soon to make light of the situation. Far too soon. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready to joke about this one. Jess hadn’t written him back yet. Let him wait. She wasn’t the one who screwed up. She’d get back to him when she was good and ready.
She watched as the first few snowflakes of the day fell, until the sight of them made her slightly dizzy. Baxter, who was thoroughly enjoying their morning in bed, rolled onto his back, almost disappearing into the thick duvet.
Jess gave him a scratch on the belly. “Don’t get used to it. This isn’t a forever arrangement.”
His ears pricked up, and as if he understood what she had said, he flipped himself over and curled up in a ball just out of her reach.
“Oh, you’re going to pout, are you?” she asked him. “Well, that’s fine. I’m pouting today too.” Picking up her tablet, she turned it on and waited for it to boot up, then opened YouTube and scrolled aimlessly until she saw a Kira’s Best Life video. Instead of clicking on it, however, she opened Chrome and googled Aaron Fillion. A picture of him, along with his LinkedIn bio, came up first. His hair had been longer at the time, giving him a relaxed, youthful look. What happened that he wound up divorced? Besides obviously being successful, he seemed so thoughtful and caring, and he had a great sense of humor.
