“Okay.”
“I should probably lead with the fact that I don’t hate you. There was a time when I… wasn’t exactly your biggest fan, but that wasbeforeI got to know you. Well, and those last couple of days when you were at Paradise Bay, but that wasn’t really hatred. It was more of a self-protective pride thing,” I say, wanting so badly to move a few steps closer to him so I can smell his aftershave. But I stay rooted to the spot, as does he. “The point is, I’m pretty sure I might be in love with you, but I say that with the caveat that if your feelings about me have changed, that’s totally okay. There’s absolutely no pressure if you’ve changed your mind about what you suggested when we were at Eden. About seeing where this thing goes.”
I pause and he nods, and I can’t tell it’s a “yes, I did change my mind” nod, or a “go on, I’m listening” nod. So I go on. “It would be tricky. I know that. Long distance relationships usually are, or so I understand. I’ve never tried one. Also, we come from completely different worlds, and I haven’t exactly been gracious about yours, but since I last saw you, I came to the conclusion that people of any socio-economic background can be horrible, not just rich people. There are some pretty shitty poor people out there. Middle class too. Paz is a case in point.”
“That’s true,” Theo answers, his face still giving nothing away.
“Another reason you may not want to date me is because you’ll always know about my sister’s sex tape, so maybe that’s a deal breaker for you. If so, I totally get it. You may not want to be caught up with a family that could possibly cause some sort of scandal. Although I do have to tell you, Kat has turned a corner as far as bad choices goes, so I think her wild days are behind her. I hope so, anyway.” Unable to hold his intense gaze any longer, I glance down at the thick oriental rug under my feet, then I force myself to look back up at him. “You may have changed your mind because I was unforgivably rude to you when you tried to tell me how you felt. That would also be understandable. It wasn’t your fault that I’m not getting the promotion. It was mine. I screwed up. You didn’t help matters, but the blame is on me.”
Okay, your turn. Please say something. Or rush over and swoop me into your arms.Yes, do that.
But he doesn’t. He just stands where he is and nods.
“The thing is, I think you were right, and that we could actually be very good together. Well, better than good really. Possibly incredible. That night at Eden was also the most fun I’ve had maybe ever. And I think we could work really well together at building a wonderful life. We’re both hard workers who share a lot of the same values, like loyalty and umm… honesty.”I’m dying here. I should just go.Wrap it up and walk out.“And so, in conclusion, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you, because you’re all I can seem to think about day and night. I can’t eat, and I barely sleep, and I’m miserable about how I left things between us. I’m also relatively certain you’re my one shot at true happiness, so I wanted to come here and tell you just in case you still have feelings for me. But having said all that, if the answer is no, I’ll go and… leave you alone.”
I’ll be filled with sorrow every day for the rest of my life, but that might be the price I have to pay for judging people by their bank accounts and assuming the worst all the time.I stand perfectly still, not even daring to breathe as I wait for him to say something. Anything. My heart pounds wildly. My stomach flips when he opens his mouth.Please say yes. Please say yes.
“The answer is not no.”
“So… it’s…”
“It’s dependent on you answering one question.”
Swallowing hard, I say, “Okay. What’s the question?”
“Did you come to the realization you were in love with me before or after your sister told you I’m the one who made the Paz situation go away?” His jaw tightens at the mention of Paz’s name.
“What makes you think she told me?”
“Your sister doesn’t strike me as the model of discretion. And the fact that you’re neither denying it nor surprised by the news confirms you already knew.”
“Fair enough.”
“Answer the question.”
Lie! Otherwise, you’ll lose everything!
No, tell him the truth. You can’t base your relationship on a lie.
“It was after.”
“I see.”
Shit. He does not look happy. He’s about to reject me.“But that’s only because, up to that point, I spent all my time convincing myself I hated you. I also thought you had gone home and totally forgotten about me. The truth is, I just couldn’t imagine a world in which someone like you could ever love someone like me. I was looking for every reason I could find to prove it wasn’t possible, even if I had to make you a villain to do it. And I’m sorry for that. It’s my biggest regret in life, actually. I should have just… let myself believe that thiswaspossible, that wecould happen. Here, in this world.” Tears fill my eyes, but I blink them back and whisper, “It could happen, couldn’t it?”
“It could, but not if you’re here out of some misguided sense of gratitude or obligation. Those things wear off, and I’m not looking for something that will wear off.”
I shake my head. “This isn’t gratitude. It’s much more lusty than that.”
Raising one eyebrow, Theo says, “Really?”
“Yes. Extremely lusty.” My cheeks flame hot. “With a side order of deep respect for who you are as a person.”
“That could be the basis of something more permanent.”
“I’d say so.” I dare to take a couple of steps towards him. “Especially if the way you feel about me is at all similar.”
He levels me with a smolder to end all smolders. “I’d say my feelings are very much the same. Strong feelings of passion blended with the utmost respect.”
