24
You Know When You Know
Theo
I thinkI’m having an early midlife crisis, and there are two people to blame for it—Nora Cooper and my brother. I’m unsettled in a way I have never been in my life. I can’t stop thinking about Nora, no matter what I do. Not even work is enough to keep her off my mind. Her face pops into my brain a thousand times a day, causing a pang in my chest each time. The truth is, I know I’m falling for her. We may have gotten off to a rocky start, but if we can get past that—and I think we’re well on our way—we really would be perfect for each other.
Unfortunately, that makes Markos right about something, and I can just imagine all the gloating that would undoubtedly go on for the rest of my life if I end up with her— especially after I told him I’d never take his advice again for the rest of my life, even if I were on fire and he told me to stop, drop, and roll. But all the teasing in the world would be worth it, and maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing for him to be right about something. He has shown the odd moment of wisdom.
Case in point, his comment the other night about how if I’m not careful, I’ll get to the end of my life having done nothing but worry about things I can’t control. He’s right about that. Since I took over the company, I’ve done very little other than worry. I certainly haven’t lived. Deep down, I’m terrified I’m going to live and die exactly like my father—my entire life spent at the office, tending to the company. At least he had a family. I only have my work.
It’s not only what Markos said to me. It’s the questions Nora asked when we were on Eden, about whether I plan to have a son and pass on all my burdens to him. She started me thinking about what I want out of life, which is not something I’ve allowed myself the luxury of considering. I was born into my role in life, and I took it on because that’s what was expected and what I believed I wanted. My destiny, corny as that sounds. But now I’m not so sure that’s true, and what’s worse is that I’m not sure it ever was. Deep, deep, deep down in a place I don’t ever allow myself to go, I know I don’t want to do this forever. I’ve never admitted it out loud to anyone, but now that the question has been asked, and my gut has answered, I can’t go on ignoring it.
Actually, I can. I have over eight thousand reasons to ignore it. I can’t abandon them.
But maybe I can find happiness outside my career, and what if that happiness came in the form of Nora Cooper? Wouldn’t going home to her every night make the rest worth it?
It’s been four days since I spoke to her in any meaningful sort of way. I’ve made a point of leaving the building at times when she’s most likely to be at her desk. I have about a fifty percent success rate, meaning I’ve had a chance to wave and smile at her three times, and once we exchanged a few words, only to be interrupted by that ridiculous Mike the Moose guy, who needed something from her.
This is at least as crazy as me guarding the door, watching for signs of trouble. We barely know each other. I’ve never seen where she lives or met her parents. We’ve never gone out on a date, although if somehow we did end up together, I’d lobby hard to have our night at Eden be considered our first date.
My phone pings with a text from her. My pulse races as I scan the words.Any clandestine meetups in the hall this evening?
Me:Nothing yet, but I’m ready to catch them in the act.
Nora:I hope not. That would be awkward.
Me:Ha! Good one. It’s late. Shouldn’t you be asleep?
Nora:I’ve been trying, but I can’t shut my brain off tonight.
Me:What’s on your mind?
Nora:I decided to check my email before bed. Huge mistake. I was answering emails until after midnight, and now I can’t seem to wind down.
Me:That happens to me too. I often think people’s lives were a lot better before mobile devices, laptops included. When your workday was done, it was done. You could leave it there until the next day. But now…
Nora:It’s true. Someone should start a revolution.
Me:Agreed.
I stare at our exchange, desperate to keep it going. Desperate to ask if she might want to go out sometime. I chew my lip, then decide maybe there is a way I can test the waters without risking anything.
Me:Speaking of work, have you ever considered working somewhere else?
Nora:Like a different hotel?
Me:Sure, or maybe even a job that takes you away from Santa Valentina?
Nora:Not really. I’ve been focused on trying to get ahead where I am.
Mierda.I’m being too vague, but how does one make it clear without actually making it awkwardly, embarrassingly clear? My heart pounds as I type.Any chance you want to talk instead of text?
After a few seconds of waiting with my breath held, the phone rings. When I pick it up, she says, “This might be more efficient.”
Hearing her voice does something to me. “That’s why I suggested it. I’m nothing if not efficient. Back to your promotion. Assuming you get it, what then?”
“Promise you won’t laugh?”
