The warren was all too easy to find. Nowhere near enough to take his mind off everything that was troubling him.
Focus,he demanded as he crawled on his elbows through the long stalks up a hill overlooking the unsuspecting rabbits, but it was no good. His thoughts kept scurrying back to Aelia.
She was infuriating. Rude, spiky, antagonistic… and yet, there was an immense vulnerability to her that had stopped Keeran from yelling at her to find Beserkir on her own. Because it was crystal clear that she needed him a damn sight more than he needed her. So far, she’d been nothing more than a liability. An ill-tempered liability.
Keeran just didn’t know if the whole “fuck you, fuck them, fuck the whole fucking world” attitude was because of what had happened with the Astraea, or if it pre-dated that. He hadn’t known her before; he only had the few moments he’d stolen when he was watching her from a distance to compare her to.
He stopped in his tracks, his elbows relaxing to drop his chest to the ground as he was struck by the memories of the night Shiva had ambushed her. Aelia had kicked off when he’d said he was superior, like he’d really struck a nerve. She couldn’t Shift, despite the magic ringing her eyes.
Cogs whirred to life in his mind, the consequences of that flashing before him in a tale of struggle and inadequacy, being stuck somewhere in between human and artemian. There was no doubt in his mind that she was a fighter; in the short time he’d known her, she’d shown herself to be resilient and ballsy. So it was no real surprise that she attacked the world with almost every word she uttered, pushing herself instead of accepting help, and resenting anyone who offered it to her.
Keeran huffed a low laugh, the creature in him opening its slitted eye with a gentle snick. That simply wouldn’t do. He clenched his fists so hard the veins of his forearm popped out from the straining muscle. He’d drag that inferiority complex out of her by the throat if he had to.
It wasn’t that he couldn’t relate— gods knew he was well versed with using anger as a coping mechanism— but he’d be fucking damned before he let her refuse help from him again. Not now he realised where it stemmed from.
He’d just have to find other ways to make her feel powerful, to teach her the pleasure of relinquishing control.
Keeran slammed the bars down on the cage in his mind, shutting off the urges radiating off the creature living in it. He released a breath and slicked his hair back with a trembling hand.
Just the thought of her was enough to wake it, to stir the primitive emotions it slammed into him. He didn’t remember the last time he’d been so vulnerable to its advances. Years, decades, of practice had made his hold over it firm andindomitable, but recently, it had begun to overwhelm him, to push him aside.
Since he’d first seen Aelia.
There was no denying it. That’s when it had started. He’d sunk into its urge to follow her, to watch her. It had driven him to protect her, to wait for her instead of heading straight after Beserkir, to suggest they travel together when she’d only slow him down. Common sense had fucking dissipated since he’d first laid eyes on her, the monster in him prying loose his careful hold on its leash.
Keeran closed his eyes, his head hanging low as Aelia’s words the night before sliced through him. It made it so much worse that she’d seen through his attempt to be better, that she’d picked up on the evil in him in just a few days. He’d tried so hard to control it, to keep that side of him at bay, and she’d seen right through him. Just like everyone else.
A monster, that’s what she’d called him. She had no fucking idea.
Keeran snapped his head up. Fuck it, he shouldn’t have bothered pretending; he carried evil with him every breath he took, and there was no escaping it. Not even for a woman like Aelia.
He crawled forwards, creeping over the brow of the hill, and sure enough, rabbits dotted the plains below. His magic leapt to life at the merest encouragement, his aim perfect as tiny balls of fire zipped across the grass to plunge straight through the eyes of three unsuspecting rabbits. The others kicked up their heels and fled, scurrying to safety beneath the soil.
Keeran felt a twinge of remorse as he went to pick up the limp, furry bodies. It was hardly a fair fight. But with someone like him, when was it ever?
A whole daypassed before Keeran caught up with Aelia, the rabbits tied and bouncing on his saddle since early morning. The road had met with a river, meandering along its banks until he’d reached the tip of one of the first lakes that formed the Tears of Deliah, a cluster of lakes spanning for miles between here and Llmera, the capital city on the coast. As he looked out over the crystal-clear waters, he regretted not being there when Aelia saw them for the first time.
The break from the monotony of the plains was liberating, the breeze off the lake cool and refreshing on skin that had experienced the unrelenting attention of the sun. The dull plains had transformed into a rolling grassland, full of colourful flowers that supported huge insects the size of Keeran’s finger.
Aelia had been easy enough to find, but he’d been reluctant to rejoin her, choosing to follow her at a distance instead. Out of sight, but far from out of mind.
It was shame that kept him away; shame that he’d lost his temper, shame that he’d lost control, shame that she’d seen that which he’d tried to hide. So, he’d put off having to face her again.
But the sun was disappearing beneath the waving grasses on the horizon to warm the other half of the world, leaving him no choice but to join where Aelia was setting up camp.
She’d lit a small fire beside the shelter of an old willow. The tree had bowed in submission to the brutal winds of the plains, all its branches hanging subserviently in the water. Aelia had set up camp on the opposite side, clear of its sweeping boughs.
She looked up from where she was crouched next to the fire, her green eyes sending a jolt through him that left his heart pounding. She stood in one smooth movement, seeming lesssore than she had the day before. Pain shot through his ankles as his boots hit the ground, his joints stiff from so long in the saddle, and he paused a moment before turning to her.
Aelia was already halfway to him, her fingers clasped in front of her nervously.
“I’m sorry,” she said, coming to a stop in front of him, eyes wary but softer than he’d seen them since he’d watched her at the festival in Callodosis. Certainly softer than they’d ever been when directed at him. “I shouldn’t have said what I said, it was completely unfounded and bang out of order. I’ve been an utter bitch to you since we first met. I’m not even really sure why. I’ve had all day to think about it, and I feel terrible. I’m sorry.”
Keeran had to grit his teeth to stop his jaw from hitting the floor. This was not at all what he thought he’d be coming back to.
“You don’t need to apologise,” he lied, his past self rolling his eyes at how quickly he’d rolled over. “You’ve been through a lot, and I’m sorry if I’ve made that worse.”
“You haven’t.” She sighed, and the anguish in her face tugged painfully at him. The muscles in his arms twitched with the sudden urge to scoop her up and hold her close, as if he could hug away all the hurt and pain she was feeling. A ridiculous notion that he squashed right away. “I’m just so angry, and you were… there. There’s no excuse for it.”
