She smiles like the devil incarnate. “Yes?”
“Don’t fucking smile at me. Tell me what you said to him.”
“You’re acting irrationally. This thing is going to fizzle out anyway. Cory has months left here and then he’ll be in Canada and you’ll be here with me and Dyl. It makes no sense to risk your career for a fling.”
I’m so angry right now I’m seeing stars. “It’s not a fling! I … I …” Shit. Do I love him? Is that even possible?
“Please don’t try and tell me you love him.” Tossing her head back, she barks out a laugh, each cackle grating on my last nerve. “Don’t be ridiculous James. He’s a boy. You call him Kid, for heaven’s sake.”
“He’s like three years younger than me, and I use the term affectionately. Besides, who the fuck are you to judge any relationships I have when you’ve never had one?” Her grip on the wheel turns white-knuckled.
“I’m not passing judgment, I’m making observations. You’ve known this … man … for a few months, and are stalling the sale of your apartment, moving him and his family in, jeopardizing your career … none of it makes sense.”
“You’re right. It doesn’t make sense. But maybe things don’t always have to. Buying into Ferris Health Group made sense. Brandon made sense. Quitting the one thing I’ve ever loved made sense, and look how well all that worked out for me.”
My lungs squeeze tight, pain shooting through my chest. I’m a stuttered heartbeat away from ripping open the door and rolling out onto the sidewalk to die, when Faith’s hand lands on my leg. Bile rises in my throat and I shrink away for her touch. I don’t want to look at her, or hear one more word. “Slow your breathing, Jamie.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Fine, slow your breathing please, James Samuel Plum.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
Faith mumbles something under her breath but I can’t decipher it because I’m too busy dying. Cubby has delivered me the first sprinkles of happiness I’ve felt in a long time. I’m happier at work. Coping better with the demands of caring for Dylan and actually looking forward to getting out of bed in the morning. I know it’s not permanent, but I’m not ready for it to be taken away from me yet, either.
Sweat stings my eyes and my lips start to tingle when I picture Cory and Dylan together. If he’s done with me Dyl’s going to be heartbroken, he’s already so attached. What was I thinking, introducing them? How the hell have I been charged with being responsible for another human, when I can’t even handle this?
And Cory’s present. I haven’t got his present.
“Jamie.” Warm hands cup my face. “Jamie, please. You have to slow your breathing.” I open my eyes and Faith is there, my car door is open and we’re at the side of the road, dust still settling from her rush to pull over. “Please. You’re scaring me.”
“Trying,” I blubber. “Sorry.” Role modeling slow, deep breaths, Faith edges closer until she’s almost in my lap.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Jamie. This is on me. I’ve overstepped. Again. Everything will be okay, I promise. Just breathe with me.”
When I wake,I’m sitting in the passenger seat, before an unfamiliar house, in an unfamiliar street. Unfortunately, the dull thud and mental fatigue clouding my thoughts are known all too well.
“Lucky, I was just about to leave.” I roll my head to the left and blink, then blink again. I’m definitely in Faith’s car, but that’s definitely not Faith staring back at me. It’s a bit of a mind fuck. “Chip?” In his lap is a bag of corn chips. Unable to find any words, I shake my head.
“Are you feeling better? Faith said you sleep like the dead after a panic attack, and she wasn’t kidding. Your ability to sleep through Mr. Daugherty’s excessively loud, nosey-ass lawn mowing is quite impressive.”
The blinking and staring continues until eventually I manage to utter, “Is this your house?”
“‘Til this weekend it is, yeah.”
“It’s nice. The door’s wonky though.”
“It is. I was going to fix it before we left, but fuck em.” For some reason, that makes me laugh. Like a lot. Tears run down my cheeks and Cory joins in. I’m not even sure if he knows why.
“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you,” he says once the hilarity subsides. “I freaked myself out a little.”
I wipe the moisture from my cheeks. “I think someone might have given you a shove in the right, or wrong, direction.”
“Maybe. But she was kind of right.”
“Why don’t you tell me what she said, then I can tell you if I agree.” Cory gives me the run down and by the time he does, I’m both exhausted and pissed off. “She had no right to say any of that to you, Cub. This is my life. My decision.”
“Like it was your decision to quit hockey?”
