“No, of course not.” I totally did. As though she sees my lie, she rolls her eyes and pulls open the door.
“Come with me, Cory.”
“Okay.”
The door to her office isn’t even closed before she starts. “I know you’re young, and that it can take years for people to come into themselves, but I don’t think you know yourself enough to be considering a relationship of the nature that James needs.”
Well, okay then. “Ah, no offense, Professor, but you don’t even know me.”
“Do you know you?” she counters immediately, her steely gaze fixed on the chair I think she wants me to drop into. I stay standing, though. It’s much easier to run that way.
“What the fuck does that mean? Of course I do.”
“Ah, okay. Sure thing, Ken.”
“Ken? What … what the hell is happening right now?” I glance around the room like someone’s coming to help me. There is no one of course. I’m in this alone.
“What’s happening is that I’m concerned about my family. What’s happening is me calling you out for changing your personalities like Ken doll changes his outfits, hockey Ken, school Ken, Grindr Ken. I could go on. My brother believes you’re this sweet, caring, dorky guy who’s amazing with and bonding with Dylan, something that happens rarely. What I’m concerned about is that guy being just another costume and my brother’s being hurt when you tire of wearing it.”
Wow. That stings. I take a minute, slow my breathing and try really damn hard not to become defensive. “Faith, and yes, I am calling you Faith because what we’re talking about here has nothing to do with my education and everything to do with what happens in my personal time. You’re one hundred percent right. I was like that. I absolutely was and have no shame in admitting that.” Moving to sit behind her desk, Faith scoffs and I can practically see the words, I knew it, written on her face.
“But you’re also way off. Ididfeel the need to be what people wanted or expected me to be. I hid my glasses, my sexuality. I wore my hair different, was generally ashamed of being me, and trying to be everything I’m not. But then I met James, who helped me see that I’m just a guy who wants nothing more, and deserves nothing less than to feel safe enough to come out. Not only as gay, but as himself. Only a special man can provoke that kind of introspection, Faith, and that’s exactly what Jamie, the man I’ve fallen for, is.”
Faith looks at me blankly, her right eye lid twitching.
I may have broken her.
“You’ve fallen for him?” she whispers. “It’s not just … fucking?”
“No. It’s not just fucking. I mean it started like that, and it is out of this world, but no. It’s not just that. I want to be with him, Faith. I wouldn’t be risking so much, if I felt any less.”
“Did you ever consider that it’s easy to take that risk, when you’re not the one in danger of losing everything.”
Bile rises in my throat. “What do you mean?”
“What I mean is, thisrelationshipisn’t putting your career, and future livelihood at risk, but it does for James. I’m sure he’s told you about his past. If the truth comes out, he could lose everything all over again, Cory.”
“But it won’t,” I argue. “He won’t.”
“But he could. So I have to ask, if you care as much as you say you do. If you’re really falling for him, why would you put him in such a precarious position?”
“I … I …”
Fuck.
Iswear I have been staring so intensely at my phone screen, time is sliding backwards. Faith and I have been waiting on a rep from our insurance company. That alone is tedious, but I’m busting to get out of here for another reason too. It’s Cory’s Birthday weekend and I still need to get his gift. With the rest of my week booked solid, this afternoon is my only chance.
I’m just about to send out a search party for Jennifer, the customer care consultant—loosest use of the term ever—at AWP Insurance, when she waltzes in, sitting behind her desk with no formal acknowledgment of her lateness or our presence.
“Another month or so and we should have everything sorted.” Proudly, she taps the manila folder sitting before her, the one I’m beginning to suspect she hasn’t opened since Dad passed away.
Mirroring Jennifer’s movements, Faith leans forward and taps the same folder in time with her words. “Another. Month. Is unacceptable.”
“I agree, Mrs. Plum.”
“Miss,” Faith corrects with another tap.
“Sorry, I should have gathered you were unmarried.” Before Faith can leap across the desk and strangle the care right out of Jennifer, I slap my hand over her knee.
