She nods and leans over, kissing the other one as I force my way inside her. I close my eyes as I grip her hips tight, almost bruising. I pull back and slam into her, but nothing. I open my eyes, and they’re kissing; they’re groping each other’s breasts. I watch and slam into her again. I can’t quite get in the mood. I keep pounding till I feel my balls tighten, but it’s all I feel before I release. I’m out of breath, I had an orgasm, but I feel nothing other than alone. I never normally feel much. I don’t like any of the girls. I don’t want to keep them around for any other reason than a fuck, and to stroke my ego. As I pull out, I rip the condom off, tie it up, and throw it in the rubbish bin. “Get dressed.”
“What?”
“I said get dressed! Get your clothes on and go. I’m done.” Pulling my boxers off the floor, I snatch them and turn at the door. “I’m going for a shower. Be gone before I’m finished.”
I slam the door as I get in and start scrubbing myself. My skin is red raw by the time I’m finished, and I can’t seem to shake the anger. I’m fuming. I don’t know why. I’ve just had sex. I should be chilled, but the image of him flicks into my mind, laughing, his chest covered in water, droplets dripping from the ends of his curls as he shakes his head, causing them to fling from the ends. And I punch the wall. “Get out of my head!” I yell. As I storm back to my room, I flop on the bed, clenching my fists and screwing my eyes shut before screaming.
No one comes to check on me. No one bothers to see if I’m alright. I grab my phone and call Father. Answerphone. I call Mother. Answerphone. I scroll through looking for a… friend, but I have hookups in groups of the towns they’re from. Hookups, that’s it, not a friend in sight. I’m livid. I stalk back to the living area and gaze out the window. He’s out there just sitting in a chair, shirtless, eyes closed, face to the sky. I lean closer to the window to see what the tattoos are, but I’m too far away. A guy walks towards him. He looks about my height and build. Dirty blonde hair.
He looks nervous as he stands in front of Ryder. He says something, and his eyes open, and a smile spreads across his face before he stands and pulls the guy in for a hug. He whispers something into his ear, and the man nods.
Ryder turns his head towards the van, shouting, “Dad!”
I can hear it from here, and that irritates me even more. The man comes from around the front of the van, wiping his hands on a rag. He shakes hands with the man, and they step apart. Ryder slings his arm around the guy and stands beside him. The other man slides his hand around Ryder’s waist and leans his head against his chest. Ryder pulls him in tighter.
Wait, is he gay? Ugh, he is gay. I screw my face up, clenching my fists again. I screw my eyes closed as I shudder. It’s… it’s… it’s…not right. I clench my fists again. I can’t watch it any longer. It makes a feeling of total disgust wash over me, and the hairs on my neck stand up. The feeling of him with a man, with another man, makes me want to puke. The scowl on my face agitates me even more. I want him gone and all these feelings he invokes in me. I want them gone, too. They’re confusing and time-consuming.
Ryder
Chapter 5
I tug Lee tighter to the side of me, and he rests his head against my chest. Dad stands there talking to us both, and Lee explains how we met. Dad looks between us and smiles. “I’m glad you were there, son. It could have gone a whole lot worse for Lee if you weren’t.”
I nod and squeeze him tighter before letting go and grabbing a chair from the back of the van. There’s still an hour before scrutineering, so we sit and chat and laugh, and it’s actually nice. I glance over towards the motorhome of the most infuriating dick around, and I can see him staring out the window, so I just continue to laugh and enjoy the company of my new friend.
Lee heads off with Dad as I head to the starting line.
I pull up at the side of Archi-fucking-bald, and he glares at me, tilts his head down so I can see his mouth snarls and spits, “Faggot,” at me.
I throw my head back and laugh, but I notice the grip on his handlebars tightens, the vein in his neck ticks, and his face reddens. I wink at him. I shake my head and focus on the finish line. I don’t have time for bigots, and I’m not surprised he’s one. But it’s clearly upsetting him, so I will use it to get under his skin.Bring it on, motherfucker.
I watch my back, and I finish third, which is a great result, and I’ve clearly fucked Archi-fucking-bald off as he came in sixth, which just makes it all worthwhile. Fuck, do I feel smug as I head back to the van.
I meet Dad and Lee back at the van, and he runs and throws his arms around me. “Holy shit, Ryder, that was so fucking exciting. I’ve never seen anything like that. It was so… hot.”
He kisses me on the cheek, and I’m surprised to see I don’t actually hate it. I smile at him, “Hot, huh?” I wink at him. “Good to know.” I throw my arm around him, “You staying for food? We’re gonna BBQ some steaks before we have to head back home.”
“Home?”
“Yeah, home.” He frowns, and I laugh. “We only live an hour away. It’s not that far.”
The smile that spreads across his face makes me smile, and I want to be the one who makes him smile like that all the time. Maybe I’m ready for a relationship, and maybe I can have both the bikes and boys. I smile again, and we head to the chairs beside the van. We eat, laugh, and stay till well into the evening, but eventually, we have to leave.
I look around, and most people have already left. I haven’t seen Archi-fucking-bald since the race. He certainly didn’t hang around, and his ‘staff’ packed up and left with the motorhome, but he was long gone.
While Dad packs the last few bits into the van, I walk Lee back to his car. His hand rubs on the back of mine, and I reach and wrap his hand in mine. He gasps and looks up at me, and I smile down at him. When he reaches the car, he looks down at his feet. I tilt his chin up to meet my gaze. His sparkling blue eyes twinkle like they have fucking stars in them, and I smile.
“Are you gay? I’m confused, I thought you weren’t, but then you saved me and looked after me, and I think you’ve been flirting today, and now you’re holding my hand and… are you gay?”
I nod. “Relationships of any sort just haven’t been for me, I’ve been too busy, but I like you. I’d like to take you out and see what it all means.”
“Really?”
I lean down and gently kiss him. He gasps and opens his mouth, sliding his tongue against my lips. I open up. I slowly kiss him and lose myself in the feeling of his lips against mine until I taste blood, and I pull back. “Shit, Lee, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
He reaches up and dabs at his mouth before smiling at me. He licks at his lip, and I can’t take my eyes off it. I reach my hand to the side of his face and trail my thumb across his bottom lip, wiping away the excess, mesmerised by how soft they are.
“Can I call you? Can I take you out at the weekend?”
