“Erm, yeah right, erm I, erm its, erm…” I stutter out, and he laughs.
“Okay.” He smirks again. He turns to leave.
“Have you eaten?” I blurt out.
He looks puzzled but shakes his head. “There’s a place down the road. I was gonna go and get a burger. Do you wanna come with me?”
“With you?” He looks at me like he can’t figure me out before adding, “Why would you want to have dinner with me? You fucking hate me, Arch!”
He laughs, shakes his head, and turns, taking a few steps away from me. The pit opens up in the middle of my stomach.Shit, I’m losing momentum here.
I blurt out, “Sorry!” It just bursts out of me fast, loud and panicked, and his eyes flick to mine. “I wanted to say… sorry.”
I thought it would be hard to say. I’ve never said it before. I’ve always thrown money around or threats, so I didn’t have to say it, but I’m finding I want to say it with him. I want him to see me as a decent guy.
He folds his arms across his chest, and his thick biceps bulge. I immediately feel the need to lick my lips. I swallow and blush.
Looking down at the ground, I sigh, “I’m sorry. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, we’ve established that.” He frowns.
I tight-lipped smile at him and then walk away. I shake my head and mentally berate myself. I scrub my hands into my hair and tug at the roots. I see an empty can and kick it before storming into the shadows. I berate myself for thinking it would actually be easy. Someone like him would go out with me, and I would buy him a burger, and what? He would fall in love with me? It gives me time to think about what I’m really contemplating here. He’s gay. Am I gay? Am I bi? Do I actually like girls, or did I just ‘do’ girls because it was easy? It was what was expected. It’s what’s set out for me because it was something Father planned and always did.
I can’t help but feel foolish, but I head back to the motorhome to get some rest and see what I can comeup with tomorrow. Maybe I can get him to like me, or do I like him just because he doesn’t want me? Most people want me for something: money, standing, power, or who my father is. No one’s ever wanted me for me, but when I don’t even know who I am, how can I expect anyone to want me?
Ryder
Chapter 16
That was just fucking weird. First of all, why is Arch even here, and second, why the fuck is he trying to play nice? There’s something underlying here; he’s up to something, and I’ll keep an eye on him until I figure it out. I can’t have something blowing up in my face, exposing me, or worse, leaving me without my shot at the team.
If he’s trying to play nice to pull the rug out from under me, I must watch my back. I don’t trust that motherfucker as far as I can throw him.
I head back to the van, following him in the shadows, but he goes straight to his motor home and into his bedroom. After a few minutes, the lights go off, and nothing. I wait for half an hour, but there’s no movement, so I head back to the van. There’s a little more space in it without the toolboxes, so I undo the mattress from the side, toss it on the floor, strip down to my boxers and grab the sleeping bag, slipping inside it.
I don’t sleep very well. Arch has got my back up, he’s a snaky fucker, and I’ve been on edge with this sudden shift in his attitude. I don’t believe that people change that quickly. And certainly not a guy like Archibald Bartholomew III. Even his fucking name has an attitude problem.
When I wake up, I’m starving as I didn’t eat last night, so I grab the cooking stove and step out of the van. The cold tarmac feels nice under my feet, and the cool air that breezes across my skin makes me feel awake, alive. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and enjoy the slight chill of the morning air.
A small cough breaks me from my thoughts, and I slowly gaze over my shoulder to see Arch standing there. I turn and rest my hands on my hips. He physically gulps, and his eyes slowly drop down my body before he stands staring at the floor.
“Morning.” He smiles a little but still doesn’t look up at me.
“Morning.” I smirk.
“Breakfast?” he asks and nods towards the car park exit as I turn and follow his gaze.
I turn back to him and point down at the lit stove at the side of me. “Breakfast.”
He smiles, nods, and walks away. This is getting weirder and weirder. Two meals he’s asked me to have with him. I pull out the camping chair from the back and slide into it, tossing the frying pan and bacon on the gas stove. I rest back in the chair and lay my head on the back, taking deep breaths and smiling up at the sky. I love the feeling of being outdoors, the wind in my hair and caressing my skin. It feels almost sensual. Jay and I go camping a lot, and I love being around nature. The quiet… it’s serene.
Once I start to hear the bacon crisping, I slide some cobs out of the bag and add brown sauce. I groan around each bite. I sit there, soaking in the morning air, when I hear someone walking past. I crack one eyeopen as I see Arch walking by. He stares as if he’s waiting for me to open my eyes, and I continue to watch him through the crack in my eyelid. He slows down and bites his lip as if he’s going to say something but then thinks better of it, and starts to walk away before stopping, turning, and coming back towards me before worrying at his lip again and turning to leave.
“Just fucking say it, will you.” I laugh out, but still, I don’t open my eyes. I see him watching me, every inch of me, and I slowly tilt my head to face him. “Well? Cat got ya tongue?”
“Pardon?”
I laugh and shake my head. “What do you want, Arch?”
