“I like it when you look at me like that.”
“Roman,” I breathe, unable to bring my eyes back up. It’s why I hadn’t seen him move closer, but I hadn’t heard him either. He’d closed the gap between us so quietly, as if I were an animal easily spooked. Perhaps I am. A rough finger curls under my chin, tilting my face up, and my breath stalls in my chest.
“I shouldn’t fucking want you the way I do, Niamh,” He says it so quietly I’m wondering if the words were even meant for me, “But damn it, I do. It’s so fucking selfish,I’mso fucking selfish for it, and yet every damn day I’m waiting for you to kiss me again. Praying for it, and I am not a man of God, Niamh, but for you, I’ll pray to whoever I need to.”
My skin prickles, and a shiver runs down my spine.
“And one of these days, I’m going to snap and I’m going to kiss you first and I’m not going to stop. Say you want me, sweetheart, and I’ll give you it. All of it.”
“But this is pretend,” I squeak.
“Not for me.” His whiskey eyes drop to my lips, and I watch the bump in his throat bob as he swallows. “Not anymore.” He drops my chin and moves his hand to my left finger where he brushes over the diamond on the wedding band.
“You ask, and I’ll give you anything you want.”
“I don’t want anything,” I breathe.
“Then want me,” The plea in his tone makes my knees shake, “Need me.Haveme.”
I’ve experienced a lot of heartbreak in my life, not in relationships but in life itself. I’ve lost people, grieved and broken myself over it. Loving Roman Knight would be easy, so damn easy it should scare me, but it’s the heartbreak that trulystops me.
How do I survive another one?
How much risk am I willing to take?
“If we lived life by the rulebook, Niamh, none of us would want to get up in the morning.”The words my dad once said to me, back when I was an anxious hormonal teen, echo through my head. I can’t even remember what it was about, but I remember exactly what was said.
“But what if I’m scared?”I’d replied.
He’d chuckled and leaned back in his chair, a can of beer in one hand and sports playing on the TV. “But what if it’s not as scary as you think?”
I swallow hard, my heart thumping so wildly I hear it inside my ears. Roman is looking at me with a softness that has parts of me melting, burning down walls I’ve constructed to protect my heart.
“Say you want me,” He rasps, so close his breath whispers over my lips. It would be so easy to just lean in and take what I’ve been craving since that night out on the porch. The brush of his tongue, the feel of his fingers as they dug into my flesh, holding me so close like he was afraid I’d disappear if he let me go. I wet my lips, skin prickling in anticipation. “Say you need me.”
My breath rattles from me as those words brush against me, as warm as whiskey. My body aches for him, from the way I am holding myself back. The craving is a very real, physical need that has claws in deep. I push forward on my toes, lifting just a little to close the gap between us and —
The dining-room door slams open. “Miss Niamh!” Rosie’s sweet little voice has the two of us jumping apart. “You got a cat!”
Chapter 22
I love my niece. I’d burn the world for my niece, slay any monster and any dragon for her but right now? God damn it.
“You found Pumpkin?” Niamh crouches down low, picking up the tiny ginger cat so she can show the little girl. Immediately the purring begins, so loud it could rival my truck, and I know for right now, the moment we just shared is lost.
I walk by the two of them, but a hand brushes my thigh as I pass. Glancing down, I see Niamh’s eyes on me, looking up from beneath her lashes, and for once, there isn’t a guard propped up in front of her. She gives me a smile, not a dimpled one, but this is real. It’s soft, and it’s open, and it damn near makes my heart skip a beat.
Scrubbing a hand down my face, I move through the doors to grab the rest of the dishes for dinner, ordering my two brothers to get what I can’t. Caleb hurries along in front of us, drawn by the noise of Rosie’s giggles.
When we re-enter the dining room, Niamh is sitting on the floor, legs crossed as she helps Rosie cuddle the kitten.
“Can I hold her?” Caleb asks shyly, standing right beside Niamh as he stares longingly at the kitten. I look at Silas, his brows in his hairline as he watches his son speak to her. Caleb doesn’t talk to many people, especially not people he doesn’t know well, not unless he feels safe with them. His mom leaving did a number on him, and while Silas has him in therapy to help, these things take time. This in itself is a huge step.
“Of course you can,” Niamh tells him softly, “Come take a seat.” She pats the space beside her. Caleb gets down onto the floor, crossing his legs as he watches his sister love on the cat.
“Only for a minute,” Silas tells his two kids, “Then wash your hands so we can have dinner.”
“Okay, daddy,” They reply in unison.
